Im a 20 year old girl . People seek me for relationship advice and have always comforted them. Now, there is this confusion , for the past 6 months almost. First year, first time i met. Both of us were committed. He to another girl, and me to my school best friend.
Before all this , Never wanted anything in life, the best institution , best parents , and the best guy who i expected wud stay with me forever (first love). cudnt ask for nything much. Things got worse when he dumped me. Things were going against me. My best friend left me cos he got commited and dint have time to listen to my worries. Faced the worst times. Learnt a lot from everything that happened during that phase of my life.Never wanted another commitment . Got to know people and things change with time. i was so focused and having a normal life with my other friends at college. and this is when he came into my life.
He actually was in my life for the past 2 yrs, as i mentioned earlier he was comitd to another girl. i know tha girl and she s awesome. infact i v teased him with her. Both are my very good friends. He was too much in love with her. but shit happens to the nicer ones. yeah , they had to break up. Cos of family problems. And the time when he broke up, that was when i was trying to get over my first love. and to an extent i was over him. This guy was in depression for almost six months , he never spoke to nyone, he was in sorrow. All of us felt so bad for him. One semester passed by then. He got back almost to his normal sense. He s an awesome guy, any girl would want to be by his side. I never ever had imagined wanting to be with him. But things started to change slowly, we started to talk over the phone, he used to irritate me, eventually became best friends. And then one day came , when i actually thought to myself , oh so do i like him more than a friend? but suddenly brushed away my thoughts. i felt guilty for thinking like that. cos i knew he considered me his best friend and knowing itsy bitsy pieces about him and his prev relationship , i dint even want to take this thought of mine seriously. A month passed, we went for a college trip , one week. That week , so many changes. I liked him. I really did. I knew it. I knew i was falling for him. I also knew it was inappropriate for me to expect him to have feelings for me as well. He s one these Non flirty types, gem of a guy, he would nt even touch a girl while posing for a picture. that kinda guy. So i knew i l never have the guts to ask him out. So i just had it within me. Never thought i d confess i like him .All this happened during the trip. The last day of the trip , i randomnly looked at him, and was surprised to have caught him looking at me. I turned back immediately. i felt ashamed. cos i had this feeling he got to understand what was running through my mind. I just tried to not look at him after that. we met during dinner. I was normal. he was NOT. i sure knew something was going through his mind. failed to understand what it was. And he came closer, he said he wanted to talk to me about something. I had instant shivers. I confirmed to myself that he got to know my liking for him and he was going to talk to me about that. I said il text him going back to the hotel. He said NO. come outside . I went outside. and all my classmates were there , so we cudnt actually talk. Later i went to the hotel room. There was a text from him , there? im like yea tell me. What happened? And this was his next message, it said,
'See , I dont want a reply , im not expecting one, i dont even know if we l talk after this, but i have to tell you this, I love you, so very much. Im sorry . Please dont reply. bye"
I had tears. that was a shock. i dint know wat to do. who to share with. I was happy and confused. Happy cos , you know i liked him too. Confused cos, he still hasnt got over that girl completely as far as i know, so how cud he just tell me tis. may be out of longing for affection , i thought to myself and slept off.
Later college. We were like the same old friends. Atleast pretending to be so. I knew he has this liking for me and so does he. We were friends when we were at collge , but actually more than friends. I mean we sure had feelings. that was so obvious. No love yous, no mushy mesages. two simple people. the eyes did the talking. This is when the confusion started.
One randomn day , we spoke so much , that at the end of the conversation , i was made to confront myself . that i love him. He was SO happy. never i had seen him so happy before. He never said nything back. But he was happy. AND he s this person with masssiveeee mood swings. one minute he is fine , the next minute he is not. So i knew he d forget my love you the next day and pretend like the old friend. To my surprise. He said love you back , the next night, for the second time. CONFUSED. M i commited or is it jus the liking phase or is he going to break my heart again or jus an infactuation?
One week later , i met him at his place. just the two of us. We spoke so much. He said he loved me. i said i loved him too. But also knew things wudnt work out btw us, for him cos he d never forget his first love and will always be there in his thoughts yet he s never liked another girl except for me this way. I said ,honestly i feel the same . Instead of taking this seriously, let be practical and forget watever happened. Things were over within a week.
Later , this is when things began to get worse. i had this emptiness. I missed him as i dont know what. I really liked him. it was like i missed this awesome person in life. 2 months passed. few of our friends got to know a bit of what happened btw us and started to tease . WORSER. now its been a month since collge started after a month s vacation. I clearly can see that he likes me. A LOT. i feel the same way. It feels like i need to have him in my life. people tease us, and he s FINE about that. Im surprised. He gives me the smile. He gives me the positiv signs. BUT im also thinking im imagining stuff.somedays he doesnt even bother to talk to me. he doesnt even reply to my texts. I dont want to ask him a spoil things. We are tooo goood as best friends. SEE CONFUSION. i dont even know how to end this. I really need help.
He likes me,should i go for him ? or should i just forget whatever i have for him, if i shud. how to get over him/cos i see him everyday. Everytime i see him , i fall for him all over again. I also know he likes mee. May be he s giving it time? or may be IM IMAGINING ALL OF THIS?
IM SO SORRY FOR SUCHA HUGE POST. I NEED HELP