I pity on myself for being in this situation but serioulsy am not able to realise how to go with it.
I was a very happy girl hanging out with my friends , doing whatver i like. Being a Hindu Brahmin , i used to take pride in it and dint make many friends from other castes. My college days had made me forget this and started making frens ignoring the castes.. became closer to 3 to 4 frends ... sustained my relation till now with all my close freinds. I even mistook my relation with a guy in my friend circle who used to take care of me than anyone else and informed him about this.However with his help , i came out of it in no time.In the mean time got closer to another guy who is again in the same friends circle.. even though i started liking him , dint express it at any time since i had an experience in past. Also since this guy is a Hindu NonBrahmin and i dint want to futher make a relationship with him as i am aware that my parents will never agree for this.I m 24 and My parents also started looking out matches for me and i was comfortable with their decision earlier. However, i started realising that i am going to miss this guy badly if i am going to marry a person of my parents choice. And since i am sure my parents wont agree , and i dont want to go against them , Since i had promised them that i will marry person of their choice , I told him wats going in my mind. We decided to distance each other Even though he likes me too. This was when it developed so much that we realised we want to share our life together. I knew that the only solution is that i should leave my parents and he is worth of it. However , I could not remain without telling this to my parents and as expected they refused our proposal. All my family members are against it for the only reason of caste difference. They are orthodox and follow all brahmin deeds and traditions. For the pain i was sufferring after their refusal , They told me, Had i loved a Brahmin , they would have accepted. My guy also tried to convince him and all my family members. They never agreed and even asked me to choose only one among my parents and my guy. This thought itself makes me cry. At one instant , i even told them being strong enough that i would go for him since they have asked me to choose. But then i realised how pathetic it would be to my family members and how they will be effected if i do so. I really could not see them , my mother that way . I realised the practicality behind this since my mother is worried that they are not going to support us for lifetime if I part away with them . Its pain to all leaving none.
Hence i decided not to give this to them. They have been the best parents for me till today except for this refusal.
They have given me sometime for preparing myself for a marriage with another guy who is to be chosen for same caste community.So I am trying to get out of this by involving in my hobbies and work and not speaking to him. However , I am feeling much intimidated with a thought of a new guy other than my guy.I keep on thinking about my guy, could nt stop it however hard i tried.I am simply mad about him and we love each other so much.We seriously wanted to lead our life together. His parents too dint agree for the only reason that my parents refused and we cant live happily unless my parents suport me. I have lost belief in god, these traidtions, being stubborn... living like in a hell even though my parents do care for me in these tough times.Cant express this to anyone else. I cant step into anyside. Both seems to be parallel and nevermeeting.
How to come out of this?