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Problem of Intercaste Marriage (Garhwali Brahmin girl and non-Brahmin Garwali boy)

Hi everyone.I am 22 years old hindu (Garhwali Brahmin) girl and my boyfriend is hindu (non- Brahmin Garhwali). we are ...
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    ange123 is offline Just in!
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    Unhappy Problem of Intercaste Marriage (Garhwali Brahmin girl and non-Brahmin Garwali boy)

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    Hi everyone.I am 22 years old hindu (Garhwali Brahmin) girl and my boyfriend is hindu (non- Brahmin Garhwali). we are being in a relationship for the last 5 years.We tried to forget each other but it is not possible for us to do so
    I have completed my education in technical field this year but he is doing MBA and will be out in 2014.I have not told my parents about him as he is still in college and my parents are very traditional and strict about marriage and all.i love them so much and don't want to hurt them.They love me too.
    If I let my parents to know about him I don't know how will they react.May be they will force me to marry to someone else or they will say he is not doing any job,not from your field and the main problem is caste.they will never accept him.
    In fact they are seeking a guy for me and I cant stop them.when I say I don't want to marry right now please wait for sometime they say get engaged with a guy whom we want and then marry when you want.
    This is very tough situation for both of us,everyday is passing in cry.As he is in college I've to wait for 2 more years to tell to my parents.
    We can't leave each other please help me what to do and how to convince my parents.Thanks a lot.

  2. #2
    Pulkit's Avatar
    Pulkit is offline eTI Aluminium
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    Hi ange123,


    Problems of marriage in intercaste has been and still is a tough job. But what I see here is you are rather presuming things too much. The line where you said I don't know how will they react.May be they will force me to marry to someone else or they will say he is not doing any job,not from your field and the main problem is caste.they will never accept him. cleary depicts you are fearing of things without actually facing them.

    See, as I always say, parents want their child to be happily settled after marriage and that is where and when they trust bride and grooms from their own caste.
    All you need to do is stop worrying about your future by just assuming things up in all negative sense. There is a finite possibility that your parents might accept the match, they might like your man and they might give marriage a thought. So, don't feel afraid of going to your parents and talking about your love of life.
    Talk to them and make them understand why your boyfriend means everything to you, why is it that your life starts with him and ends on him, why is it so that out of millions of males around you, you chose him as your life partner and why you want them to accept him as your husband.



    The thing concerning here is that your man is right now is into higher education and if your family wants you to get married soon, this thing might create a hindrance. Moreover, the question on his financial stability will definitely come up when you will talk about him to your parents and the point will he be able to secure a good job for himself in the future might matter here.

    The answer to all this problem is time and understanding.
    Time of two or three years maximum is what you can streach your relationship to in such circumstances. While your man is completing his MBA you try to build your career by working with a company or you yourself enroll yourself for future studies. This would give you a reason to delay the marriage proposals coming your way wherein you can simply state you are not ready to get married until you are up with your degree in hand.

    Understanding is where your parents need to trust you and your guy that he will definitely secure a good career in his life and then he will be ready to get married to you. This depends on couple of factors which include anything from how is he performing there, how has he been so far in his graduation, what college he belongs to and what his future plans are ?
    This not only includes understanding from your parents but a committment from your guy itself that he will try to be responsible enough to work hard, secure a good future and take you along home as your wife.


    The future of this relationship depends on how gracefully you put your desires in front of your parents and how beautifully you are able to convince them. To be on the safer side, you can ask them to risk your relationship on time. Through clear discussions you BOTH need to affirm that if you are not able to deliver what you ought to, you both will do as and what your parents desire because definitely everything here can be done within a time frame. You cannot drag all this to your entire life hoping that things will become fine one day.

    A clear, thoughful discussion can only solve this issue for sometime( 2-3 years ). Everything depends on how clearly you communicate your idea to your parents and how maturely they understand your viewpoints.



    If you see things going very wrong and your parents forcing you to get married to the guy of their own choice projecting that your future with your boyfriend is still a question, is still unknown, then I suggest you should go by what they want.
    Evaluate things on a practical ground. Bring down the emotions to ground level and think maturely. Though you love him alot and trust him too but is it genuine from a parent's point of view to allow you to get married to a guy whose future stability is under question? Try to put yourself into their shoes, think considering both the sides and then do what you feel is right. You are stuck in a situation where time is the only answer and you cannot fast forward life to take a sneak peek into the future.

    So make a wise decision !!!
    All The Best !!!
    Take Care !!!


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    ange123 is offline Just in!
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    how to face the situation which iam suffering from right now

    Thank You Mr.Pulkit
    I have full faith on him,I know him from the time when I was 14 plus,we were classmates earlier,then we fell for each other,he will definitely do his best in making our future bright.
    My Parents like a guy and they asked me to talk to the guy, I said no but no one was in my favour, everyone was like just talk,if u don't like him say no.
    I talked to him,but obviously i don't like him when I already have someone in my life,but I think he likes me.My friends are saying just tell him about your love,but I did'n told him about my boyfriend,because this could lead to a disaster.And if I say no to my parents they will ask me for the reason,because he is good looking,from the same field & reputed family, and from my caste,but how could i marry him.And I can't tell my parents too about my love.And if just for my happiness my parents reject the proposal,Some people(my relatives who found the marriage proposal) they will criticise me and my parents which i don't want.
    If i tell my parents right now I think they will force me to marry the guy They found for me.I and my boyfriend,we don't want to go against our parents,but it is also true we can't fall in love again.His family knows about me and i know they will accept me.But problem is with me,my parents are very proud of me,I always tried to make them happy,I was a very studious student and in the list of toppers,but I don't know how will they feel after this,they don't expect this from me.It feels like miserable

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    ange123 is offline Just in!
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    Thank you Mr. Pulkit
    I have full faith on him,I know him from the time when I was 14 plus,we were classmates earlier,then we fell in love.
    My parents like a guy, they asked me to talk to the guy, I said no but no one was in my favour, everyone was like just talk,if u don't like him say no.
    I talked to him,but obviously i don't like him when I already have someone in my life,but I think he likes me.My friends are saying just tell him about your love,but I did'n told him about my boyfriend,this could lead to a disaster.And if I say no to my parents they will ask me for the reason,because he is good looking,from the same field & reputed family, and from my caste,but how could I marry him.And other people(my relatives who found the marriage proposal) they will criticize me and my parents which i don't want.
    His family knows about me and I know they will accept me.we both don't want to go against our family,but it is also true that we can't fall in love again.If I tell my parents right now I scared they will force me to marry the guy they found for me,but I really can't,I can't feel the same for another guy. It feels like miserable

  5. #5
    Pulkit's Avatar
    Pulkit is offline eTI Aluminium
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    Quote Originally Posted by ange123 View Post
    Thank you Mr. Pulkit
    I have full faith on him,I know him from the time when I was 14 plus,we were classmates earlier,then we fell in love.
    My parents like a guy, they asked me to talk to the guy, I said no but no one was in my favour, everyone was like just talk,if u don't like him say no.
    I talked to him,but obviously i don't like him when I already have someone in my life,but I think he likes me.My friends are saying just tell him about your love,but I did'n told him about my boyfriend,this could lead to a disaster.And if I say no to my parents they will ask me for the reason,because he is good looking,from the same field & reputed family, and from my caste,but how could I marry him.And other people(my relatives who found the marriage proposal) they will criticize me and my parents which i don't want.
    His family knows about me and I know they will accept me.we both don't want to go against our family,but it is also true that we can't fall in love again.If I tell my parents right now I scared they will force me to marry the guy they found for me,but I really can't,I can't feel the same for another guy. It feels like miserable


    Hi ange123,

    I am repeating it on the same point where I said you are calculating the risk too much. The point that you have provided above where you said you were always a studious student and amongst the toppers might help you out win over this problem. You can very well put a valid point in front of your parents that you were always a obedient daughter, did whatever and exactly how your parents wanted you to do but now its something where you want them to listen to you and do exactly what you want. Afterall its your life and good or bad its you who's going to enjoy or suffer. So, just let them know all your life you have done a lot of hard work with little fun, obeyed their instructions and kept them smiling, its time when you demand their co-operation.
    Moreover, if things don't fall in place you will again do exactly what they want you to, but for a time being they should let you listen to your heart and feelings and do what it says.

    Try to explain them in a very subtle and sophisticated manner and I am sure they will understand you.

    Talking about relatives, don't worry whatever they'll say against your family, they will come to your wedding. So, please don't give any damn attention to them. People are here to criticise and they will. You are not here to please them. So, pay no heeds and just live your life, care for your parents.
    All The Best !!!
    Take Care !!!


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