As u said i should just sit unmarried and wait for their decision to change. But what is the time limit. My friends are saying before taking any decision just think once that if u get married no one from your family will talk to you as your parents will not let them keep contact with you. They said its only till the honeymoon period that everything looks good but after that when monotony sets in girls tend to miss her parents and family. They said keep in mind that then their will be no one to share your feelings from your family, you will not be invited to any family gathering. Can you tackle all this. If yes then only go ahead otherwise leave him and do what your parents say. My cousin said if by chance you get married on your own and your father gets an attack, blame would be on you. She said since your father dint let his own sister have love marriage then he must be thinking what will she say if he allows his own daughter.

I mean people are putting me under all soughts of pressure, fear and guilt. I said to them that since childhood till now i have always done whatever my parents said without questioning them. I never realised that even i can use my brains and have a choice. I have always made their choices mine. And i never had any probs with it as i was not aware that i too can think. I have never taken any decision on my own. But really this time i want to do what my heart syas is right. And i dont want to feel guilty about it. Iam ready to face all consequences.

I dont know till when should i wait and what will happen after that but yes iam waiting and waiting........lets see what happens.

Hi Pulkit..............I love him but i dont know i have never been able to put it into words. He is a man of pure heart. He understands human nature at a deep level. He is mature, respects women and is not tied to orthodox ways of thinking. he believes in living his life to the fullest. He believes happiness is eternal and is not dependent on money or other valuable stuff. He doesn't go by what others say he does what he feels is right. My parents have said so many things to him but he has never taken out his anger on me. He says his self respect is not dependent on what others say about him. I respect his thoughts. He says i need to be confident and independent. He says if i decide to leave everything and marry him i should first be confident about myself. I need to be confident enough to tackle things if afterwards i realize that my decision is wrong. He said you should not blame any one.
Other than this, We belong to same caste and sub caste. He is B.com MBA and works for a company on a package of 8 lacks. He is also in the process of finalising the purchase of his own house. All his siblings are married and his mother lives in saharnpur and he lives in delhi in a rented accomodation. He has mailed me all the scanned copies of his marksheets and degrees. I know his password of his bank account and email. ID. I have also been hearing (secretly) his conference calls to his mother and so i know he is not already married and is not faking around. A fake person would never go and meet the girl's father neither his family would get involved. But here his brother and uncle have also tlaked to my dad but everyting in vain.

My parents desired a groom who is born and brought in delhi like me. Who lives with his parents in a nice house at a good location. He should be B.tech(from a reputed college) or CA or a govt. job. And he should also be very good looking.
They had never expected me doing these things, so now they are in state of shock and dont want to accept things.

I dont know whether iam right or wrong iam just doing what my heart says is right at the moment. rest is my destiny.

your suggesstions please...................

Originally Posted by isha.bhumika

Hi Pulkit..............I love him but i dont know i have never been able to put it into words. He is a man of pure heart. He understands human nature at a deep level. He is mature, respects women and is not tied to orthodox ways of thinking. he believes in living his life to the fullest. He believes happiness is eternal and is not dependent on money or other valuable stuff. He doesn't go by what others say he does what he feels is right. My parents have said so many things to him but he has never taken out his anger on me. He says his self respect is not dependent on what others say about him. I respect his thoughts. He says i need to be confident and independent. He says if i decide to leave everything and marry him i should first be confident about myself. I need to be confident enough to tackle things if afterwards i realize that my decision is wrong. He said you should not blame any one.
Other than this, We belong to same caste and sub caste. He is B.com MBA and works for a company on a package of 8 lacks. He is also in the process of finalising the purchase of his own house. All his siblings are married and his mother lives in saharnpur and he lives in delhi in a rented accomodation. He has mailed me all the scanned copies of his marksheets and degrees. I know his password of his bank account and email. ID. I have also been hearing (secretly) his conference calls to his mother and so i know he is not already married and is not faking around. A fake person would never go and meet the girl's father neither his family would get involved. But here his brother and uncle have also tlaked to my dad but everyting in vain.

My parents desired a groom who is born and brought in delhi like me. Who lives with his parents in a nice house at a good location. He should be B.tech(from a reputed college) or CA or a govt. job. And he should also be very good looking.
They had never expected me doing these things, so now they are in state of shock and dont want to accept things.

I dont know whether iam right or wrong iam just doing what my heart says is right at the moment. rest is my destiny.

your suggesstions please...................

Hi Isha,

Well, that leaves me with no doubt that your decision of marrying to him is not driven by just emotions but its a very mature and thoughtful one. Also, that your parents are somewhere very much emotionally hurt for what you admit you have done.

So, obviously things might take sometime to work out in your favor. Understand, they are filled with anger and frustration and their decision/action/reaction is a reflection of this anger. You should work in a way of bringing peace in house and that they don't enter into any heated debate with you. Too much of mental stress is not good for health.

Moreover, the point that you have mentioned in the above post where you said

its only till the honeymoon period that everything looks good but after that when monotony sets in girls tend to miss her parents and family

... I feel, depends on person to person. Yes, things are never same after marriage and for your whole life. Love which you are feeling right now might not be as intense then, but surely there will be ample of it still alive in your hearts. Moreover, it depends on you how much can you stretch it. So, your cousins are not completely wrong but yes, leaving your parents for someone you love is not a good idea for sure.

Our work is to settle the things in with a mutual agreement. You have come to an age when your parents are really looking forward towards your marriage, and definitely, its not the time they can risk much into it. So they are looking for the best match for you.

I suggest you should rest this matter for some days more. Try to meet your boyfriend and explain him your present situation. Get to know what he feels and how would he take it further. Tell me if he has some plans in his mind about his future with you.

Frankly speaking, there is no better way than communication through which you can solve this issue. Until and unless your parents get ready for atleast considering your choice, there is nothing much you can do.

So you can sit with them again, may be with your mother this time and ask her to meet your boyfriend once. If they really don't like him and reject him on a justified reason, you will marry anyone they choose for you. But before you want to get married to someone of their choice, you want them to meet him at least for once.

Act emotionally, practically or in whatever way you can do it to make things happen. We try to solve matter on emotional grounds, but if it doesn't works, we do it on practical grounds. All we can do and we have to do is just talk and talk and make them realize how very much impossible it is for you to consider yourself someone else's wife.

Hi Isha,

They said its only till the honeymoon period that everything looks good but after that when monotony sets in girls tend to miss her parents and family.

This is a difficult situation for every girl, but see we can not make an assumption right away, girls have to adjust according to their new family and values wherever they go and it normally takes time to do that, as far as missing family is concerned yes this will be the issue you will have to face initially, but these will be same wherever you decide to marry and go.

They said keep in mind that then their will be no one to share your feelings from your family, you will not be invited to any family gathering.

As far as this is concerned, I don't think, parents can be angry for more time with their child, yes, they will be angry on you, but if you decide to elope or marry against their will, but we are not advising any of such kind of things that will hurt your parents, we are always there to help you to sort out your problems with your parents just by mutual understanding.
And whatever Pulkit said is correct, unless your parents decide to take a chance to meet your guy we can not do anything except talking to them, after knowing the consequences you are facing whenever you are initiating this talk at your place about your marriage I may say you are a true fighter and you will not give up so easily for your love and your life.

So you can sit with them again, may be with your mother this time and ask her to meet your boyfriend once. If they really don't like him and reject him on a justified reason, you will marry anyone they choose for you. But before you want to get married to someone of their choice, you want them to meet him at least for once.

This seems a bit tricky and difficult pulkit, because whatever has happened till now is all infront of our eyes. And you are very well known that her parents have not moved an inch and even not left a bit of ego to even consider her point, and if she approaches her mother with this words, she may endanger her future because I don't think they might give any justification for rejecting as they haven't been able to give any such justification till now yet, so they will simply meet her boyfriend for Isha's sake and right away reject him and force Isha to marry someone else. This might not work for her Pulkit and I am not saying this right away, I am completely saying this as we have good proof of her parents ego whatever has happened now.

Pulkit as u said its not a good idea to leave one's parents for someone. I completely agree with you but here point is, if the choice was between him and my parents i would have chosen my parents hands down. No one can ever take their place. But here the choice is between him and the other guy which my parents will choose for me. How can i leave him for a stranger. So the choice is pretty clear.
My parents and my boyfriend have their separate places in my heart nobody can take each other's place. Both are important for me.

Originally Posted by swapnilramani

Hi Isha,

This is a difficult situation for every girl, but see we can not make an assumption right away, girls have to adjust according to their new family and values wherever they go and it normally takes time to do that, as far as missing family is concerned yes this will be the issue you will have to face initially, but these will be same wherever you decide to marry and go.

As far as this is concerned, I don't think, parents can be angry for more time with their child, yes, they will be angry on you, but if you decide to elope or marry against their will, but we are not advising any of such kind of things that will hurt your parents, we are always there to help you to sort out your problems with your parents just by mutual understanding.
And whatever Pulkit said is correct, unless your parents decide to take a chance to meet your guy we can not do anything except talking to them, after knowing the consequences you are facing whenever you are initiating this talk at your place about your marriage I may say you are a true fighter and you will not give up so easily for your love and your life.



This seems a bit tricky and difficult pulkit, because whatever has happened till now is all infront of our eyes. And you are very well known that her parents have not moved an inch and even not left a bit of ego to even consider her point, and if she approaches her mother with this words, she may endanger her future because I don't think they might give any justification for rejecting as they haven't been able to give any such justification till now yet, so they will simply meet her boyfriend for Isha's sake and right away reject him and force Isha to marry someone else. This might not work for her Pulkit and I am not saying this right away, I am completely saying this as we have good proof of her parents ego whatever has happened now.

Hi Swapnil,


Ya, I understood your point and very know what the outcome could be if Isha takes such a step. Her mother can reject that guy the moment she will meet him. But, that certainly will not be the end of the story as per my belief. For her mother to reject this guy she needs to provide her with some justified reason as to why on earth she dislikes him. As far as I could understand, her parents just don't want Isha to get married to this very guy because if it happens, their ego will be compromised. Else, going by Isha's previous posts, what incentive could possibly be of them rejecting such a good offer when the guy is interested, earning good, quiet capable, is in love with her etc etc ? And if there is a reason, they should put it forth.

Now what happens if her mother meet this guy and reject him because of some reason. Now that reason needs to hold some weight to justify the rejection. If her mother feels that the guy lacks in some qualities or whatever, these things can be repaired. If the guy genuinely loves her, he can very well do something to impress her mother or atleast give her an assurance that he will do it in the future. Nobody is perfect and every relationship goes through a phase of adjustments, compromises and repairs. If things are minor, they can be fixed. But at least we should have the correct idea as to why her parents rejecting this guy when everything seems perfect ?

Also, lets not think negative. May be her mother gets somewhat satisfied, if not very much happy after seeing this guy, meeting him in person and talking to him. This might make way for her to talk to her father with support of her mother. But until and unless they meet this guy, get to know him well, how can they be so judgmental ?

So, I guess its important for them to meet him because anyways this will open new ways to deal with the situation. If we keep on going like this, they will keep on ignoring her choices thereby hurting their daughter's emotions and ruining her life. The whole thing is stuck on this ego clashes. I am just trying to push them to make a further move so that we can know whats next on hand.




This is, on a very honest note, my projection. Would love to hear from you as well Swapnil.

Originally Posted by isha.bhumika

Pulkit as u said its not a good idea to leave one's parents for someone. I completely agree with you but here point is, if the choice was between him and my parents i would have chosen my parents hands down. No one can ever take their place. But here the choice is between him and the other guy which my parents will choose for me. How can i leave him for a stranger. So the choice is pretty clear.
My parents and my boyfriend have their separate places in my heart nobody can take each other's place. Both are important for me.

Hi Isha,



I very well agree with you dear but if we keep on hitting them like this, one day you would probably hear from them that one statement parents love to use to weak their children emotionally - " Run away, Leave us and get married " or " If you have to marry, you need to choose between him and us " etc crap.

I certainly don't want them to say anything like this to you and also, don't want you to compromise for one such dear thing you always wanted. But, certainly, we cannot have such an approach always. We need to work in a direction that should prove of some benefit to both the parties - something lying midway, perhaps.

I know you are mature enough to make a wise decision and not get carried away by your emotions. You have grown up to an age where you make a decision after analyzing the complete situation and understanding the pros and cons of it. But certainly, I would never like your decision to flush down the drain just because your parents wants their ego to win.

We can talk, talk and talk about it every time the topic is brought up. Put the best of your efforts to convince them. Try the best of your levels to make things work out in your favor. Take a stand and act in a assertive manner.



I would also like to know what exactly happened between you and your parents which has lead to ego clashes and all ? Perhaps we can fix the situation there.

Originally Posted by Pulkit

Hi Swapnil,


Ya, I understood your point and very know what the outcome could be if Isha takes such a step. Her mother can reject that guy the moment she will meet him. But, that certainly will not be the end of the story as per my belief. For her mother to reject this guy she needs to provide her with some justified reason as to why on earth she dislikes him. As far as I could understand, her parents just don't want Isha to get married to this very guy because if it happens, their ego will be compromised. Else, going by Isha's previous posts, what incentive could possibly be of them rejecting such a good offer when the guy is interested, earning good, quiet capable, is in love with her etc etc ? And if there is a reason, they should put it forth.

Now what happens if her mother meet this guy and reject him because of some reason. Now that reason needs to hold some weight to justify the rejection. If her mother feels that the guy lacks in some qualities or whatever, these things can be repaired. If the guy genuinely loves her, he can very well do something to impress her mother or atleast give her an assurance that he will do it in the future. Nobody is perfect and every relationship goes through a phase of adjustments, compromises and repairs. If things are minor, they can be fixed. But at least we should have the correct idea as to why her parents rejecting this guy when everything seems perfect ?

Also, lets not think negative. May be her mother gets somewhat satisfied, if not very much happy after seeing this guy, meeting him in person and talking to him. This might make way for her to talk to her father with support of her mother. But until and unless they meet this guy, get to know him well, how can they be so judgmental ?

So, I guess its important for them to meet him because anyways this will open new ways to deal with the situation. If we keep on going like this, they will keep on ignoring her choices thereby hurting their daughter's emotions and ruining her life. The whole thing is stuck on this ego clashes. I am just trying to push them to make a further move so that we can know whats next on hand.




This is, on a very honest note, my projection. Would love to hear from you as well Swapnil.

I went on through each and every thread put on here by Isha very carefully and have noticed to what Isha has described, his boyfriend and BF's family seems quite matured and calm to handle this situation, because they have kept trying to talk with Isha's parents even after they were neglected, this shows, that the guy is definitely not faking around and genuinely wants to marry our friend.
But my point here is you, her parents have always right from the start rejected the guy without any strong reason, and if there was any such reason, they haven't shown any interest in conveying it to Isha because of this particular fact I feel, this step will prove dangerous for her.
I agree with whatever you have said, that is completely true and is also a possibility, as they haven't met the guy and have kept rejecting him, might be a possibility, Isha's mother may like him after meeting him, but if you go through her post where she described, that after initiating a talk with her parents, she was first scolded by her mother and then her father took the action, so what I feel here is the mother is strongly opposing this proposal and making all tries to restrict her father from taking a positive step.
I also understand, without a meeting, they might keep rejecting the guy, yes meeting is important, but whenever Isha steps forward to plan for the gathering of her and her Bf parents she gets a downfall with her parents rejection.
And I am not getting negative, but this is what I have got right from the start of this thread, the message that her parents are badly forcing her to marry with the person of their choice, and if she takes this step, more chances are of once again getting rejected, as her parents want her to say that, if they don't like the guy after meeting they may reject him and she will marry the person of their choice directly, I am not getting negative but practically seeing I may conclude on this note, yes there is a possibility and a chance that her mother may like that guy, but again the ego factor comes into play would she still then approve him to be the groom for her daughter and would she let her ego down to convince her father for the marriage.
I think she should give it a try with a mere possibility or a ray of hope that the guy might be approved.
Isha, I too suggest you to have a talk with your mother and make your mother meet the guy.....best of luck.

Hi
ok here's the complete story........My parents had made my profile on one of the matrimonial site. This guy saw my profile and liked it but since he ws not a paid member he searchd me on FB and msgd me about his profile and askd me for my dad's no. so that his brother cn initiate matrimonial talks. I msgd him back that searching a groom for me is not my perogative so u kindly show ur interst thru that site only. he said that only paid members cn show interst so it wud be better that i giv my dad no. so that his family cn talk directly. But since i ws afraid as to what my dad say if i giv his no. i refused. (Actually my family doesn't discuss matrimonial things wid me. Whenever any family cums for this purpose at our house they tell me only an hour before. I had made up my mind to marry even a black dog if my parents bring him for me. I had no choices).
After this while we were on Fb sumhw talks started among us just casual talks about likes and dislikes. Afetr 2 or 3 days i felt this is all bad since frm childhood it ws ingrained in my mind that talking to guys is bad. I never had ny male frend. So i told him now i wil not talk to u. He said we r just talking generally wats wrong in that. our talks went on for around 9 days. He said he seriously wants my dad's no. but again i refused and blocked him frm my FB profile. Then there was a gap of around 1 month or so. I dont no but i ws missing sumthing, may be because i had never talked to ny guy and i had sum void in my life. i dnt knw but after one and a half month i unblockd him and msgd him on Fb " Hi iam sorry fr that day". After 2 days i gt a msg frm him that its ok, hw r u and all. Again our talks went on fr 3 or 4 days. Again my concious said no iam doing sumthing bad. (I knw iam sounding like a nerd but this ws hw i ws brought up) so again i blocked him frm my FB profile. After 28 days my father gt a call on his mobile frm USA. My dad told him to email him the boy's horroscope and bio data. It ws my boyfrend's cousin who ws talking about our matrimonial alliance. I ws secretly hearing it and ws amazed to find out that this guy ws still intersted. after one week i unblockd his profile and after sum time got a msg frm him. i askd hw cum he gt my dad's no. he said he went to that site's office and became a paid member. i askd him y hasn't he emaild his profile. He asked me are u also intersted, i said lets see wats my parents reaction .My parents dint like the profile because they wer lukin fr sum IITian or CA or sum one frm govt'. sector, Who has a house of his own in delhi and lives wid parents.

My dad told his bro. sorry but we r nt intersted, they never asked me. I dint feel nice but i told the guy we shud not talk now as their is no point, he said atleast fr few more days lets talk. We both genuinly made an effort to avoid each other but sum hw we ended up chatting fr hours and hours. after 2 months we exchangd phone no. I knew i ws not doing good but even then i ws doing it. Again i told him i dont want to talk to him as things will be messed up but again i used to miss him a lot. We met thrice before telling my parents about all this last year in MAy. i went up to my MOm i told her the whole story. She ws completely furious and scolded me a lot. But she dint tell my dad. After one week my boyfrend called my dad fr a meeting, till then my dad dint know about our thing so he agreed to meet him. But that very evening wen he discussed this wid my mom she told him everything about us. He ws also furious and abused my boyfrend a lot. My mother beat me up and took me to meet sum other guy. My eyes wer swollen as i had been crying the whole night. Those talks dint work . I snapped all contacts wid my BF as i dint see ny hope.
Again aftr one month my Bf emaild me and said he misses me a lot and wants to tlak to me. As i ws also missing him we stard talking again. We talkd for 4 months and felt agin that we shud talk to my parents again. Last october i told my mom again. she ws again furious and called me a traitor, characterless, and all other bad things.
So like this i hav tried explaing things to my parents 4 times in one and a half year. but their reaction is same all the four times. They have beaten me abused me and just dnt want to talk to his family. My BF went to my dad's office also but he refused talking about this matter.
Now iam just waiting and waiting .....................................

hey guys dnt think this relationship is only based on telephone calls, we guys have met many a times and tried to understand each other. So we know what we r getting into...................

Hi Isha,


Very well understood your whole situation and how bad things happening at your end. Basically, I don't see any reason as to why your parent's have rejected the match. The whole situation seems resolves around you and your mother and she is perhaps the one who actually screwed up the whole thing.

Moreover, you are born and brought up in a family which believes talking to guy or having any sort of relationship with them is taboo. Now, this feeling is deep rooted in them. There is no perfect answer to your parent's rejection to this offer except the fact that you spoke with this guy online keeping them in dark or whatever.

Honestly speaking, we cannot do anything in this case if your parents are constantly after you, screwing your life by being judgmental on a mere fact that talking to guys is a taboo. They seriously need to understand that world has changed and any guy who belongs to some IIT or to an institute of the same standards would never appreciate a thinking like that.

I suggest you should talk to others in your family, people who are elder to you and who can at least afford to stand against your parents and explain them the present scenario. See, its not the time to give up on anything and its not wrong to involve someone who understands your situation, is capable of judging what's right and wrong and who can try to convince your parents on this issue. What happens is, sometimes parents don't understand what we are trying to explain them, perhaps because in their eyes we are still kids and don't know what's right for us. But when some elders in the family are involved in the situation, a better discussion might pave a way in somewhat positive direction.

Here, you are one who is fighting back with your parents and they have drawn a conclusion that you are, by default, wrong. You need to explain them the same thing through someone who you believe can understand your situation and help you sort out this issue. This person can be anyone, like your elder brother or sister who's words might have an impact on your parent's decisions. Also, if you have someone like this in your family whom you think can help you, its really important that he understands your guy to depth as well. So, before you think of taking a step of this sort, you need to arrange a meeting between your boyfriend and this person of your family.


Again, if you don't have anyone whom you can count on or who could talk to your parents on your behalf, you are still stuck on it. Then there is nothing than waiting and waiting, talking to your parents on your own and trying to explain them everything through emotional and practical reasons.


Generally, parents have to show some flexibility towards what their child is saying. Understanding his or her words and telling him/her exactly where he/she is wrong rather than running away from facing the situation or trying to overpower by harsh words. This is actually not good parenting.

Anyways, Isha, give some more time to your problem as this needs to be addressed seriously. I am saying all this because I still feel some hope in it. I understand you are going through a very difficult phase but patience and calm will keep you going on.

Thanks for sharing the whole story, finally I am satisfied atleast Pulkit has cleared his doubts that were in his mind, so Pulkit, I think now you should get what I was trying to say right from the begining, that its not the case where both of the parents are against it is all about her mother who is screwing up the situation and Isha's life badly and Isha needs to get her mother's brain washed out first, then automatically her problem will get solved, as her mother may take proper care to convince her father for this marriage.
So, Isha now you have to try and find out a person whom your Mom respects more and whose words would never go on deaf years of you mother and try to convince that person to learn the whole scenario and help you to solve this problem, Now you have to go on a mission to put a your weapon infront of your mom, the weapon whose words your mom will never turn back on.
So, Declare "Mummy ko Manao Mission" on and start looking for possibilities and persons whom you can take your side to make your Mom understand the present scenario....You have to do whatever it takes to convince your mother and you don't have to give up, your persistence is being tested by the Lord, persist on your decision till the time that Lord will be forced to respect your wish and fulfill it.....Best of Luck.

Its been a month since my parents talked to me. Just yesterday they came to my room and asked if iam ready to change my decision to marry that boy or not. I said no atleast once u meet him. They again started shouting and gave all those illogical points, "why did u betray our trust? how come he has become more imp. than us? he must be bad boy who is teaching u to against ur parents......etc.etc. I said lets talk on logical points, tell me what is ur basic concern. They said he lives alone in delhi, I said ok fine his mother will come to stay with us. They said he is from marketting field and it must be a touring job and we dont like it. I said see he doesn't go on tours that often and if at times he goes iam ok with it. They said he lives alone he must have drinking haI n't said educated people drink occasionally and within limits. an tell me who doesn't drink in ur arranged marriages setup. both my cousin jijai's drink and they live in ajoint family. my own father drinks occasionaly. Then they said you have gone mad for him and speaking so much in front of us. al this and much more.......and finally they asked me if iam willing to marry him even at the cost of cutting all ties with us. I said iam willing to marry him but i dont want to cut ties with u that is ur decision not mine. They said but this is final that we will not have ny contact wid u. I said ok. ..............then they went to other room and came out after some time.......they said ok we will ask all our relatives to come this weekend at our house and we wll tell them about u and we will ask a pandit to take out a suitaible date for ur wedding any time in next month. we will get u married at some chota mota place, we wll be ther but we wont be happy. You have to surrender all ur savings or whatever you have earned in past 6 years and go away breaking all ties with us. I said fine....................

Well, it is qujte strange that your father and mother got ready for the marriage instantly after that fight, its a good sign as well as a bad too, calling evryone at home means more drama and more rona dhona kind of things lets see what happens lets pray ecerything gets on right track, also after marriage as few years will pass on, and once they will see you happy wid ua guy, eventually they will come back to you.....I don't really understand what all your parents require, by stating that condition of leaving all the income you hav earned to them, they just wanna satisfy their egos even after all this I just don't fet wwhat ua parents want from all this......

Originally Posted by isha.bhumika

Its been a month since my parents talked to me. Just yesterday they came to my room and asked if iam ready to change my decision to marry that boy or not. I said no atleast once u meet him. They again started shouting and gave all those illogical points, "why did u betray our trust? how come he has become more imp. than us? he must be bad boy who is teaching u to against ur parents......etc.etc. I said lets talk on logical points, tell me what is ur basic concern. They said he lives alone in delhi, I said ok fine his mother will come to stay with us. They said he is from marketting field and it must be a touring job and we dont like it. I said see he doesn't go on tours that often and if at times he goes iam ok with it. They said he lives alone he must have drinking haI n't said educated people drink occasionally and within limits. an tell me who doesn't drink in ur arranged marriages setup. both my cousin jijai's drink and they live in ajoint family. my own father drinks occasionaly. Then they said you have gone mad for him and speaking so much in front of us. al this and much more.......and finally they asked me if iam willing to marry him even at the cost of cutting all ties with us. I said iam willing to marry him but i dont want to cut ties with u that is ur decision not mine. They said but this is final that we will not have ny contact wid u. I said ok. ..............then they went to other room and came out after some time.......they said ok we will ask all our relatives to come this weekend at our house and we wll tell them about u and we will ask a pandit to take out a suitaible date for ur wedding any time in next month. we will get u married at some chota mota place, we wll be ther but we wont be happy. You have to surrender all ur savings or whatever you have earned in past 6 years and go away breaking all ties with us. I said fine....................

Hi Isha,


Positive and negative points both happening together.

Lets dealt with each of them separately


Positives :

1) Your parents are ready for the marriage.
2) They are actually getting you married to him very soon.

Negatives :

1) The point that they have again threatened you to break all bonds with you, which anyways is not going to happen, as far as I have projected.
2) The relatives coming over. Its evident that the matter will be discussed in somewhat an open court with various suggestions coming in from everyone. Chances are that either your relatives convince your parents or you. Definitely, alot of drama is in the picture. You can speak to your relatives and siblings about this. You need to prepare yourself about this as well.
3) Though they have nodded for this marriage, but halfheartedly. Certainly, they are not happy and somewhere their ego is hurt. All these things will pass with time.
4) Alarm your boyfriend of everything so that he comes prepared with everything. The whole of your family will be here. There are chances of heated debate, rona-dhona etc. Ideally, your parents should meet the guy's side once before fixing up everything. But if this personal meeting is not happening, lets hope for some good outcome.


Rest will be decided when everyone meets. Do update us on everything.