hello

i'm in love with my girl,.. we r planning to get married soon.. bt some problem happened few days ago.. one of her friends called me up and told me that she had a serious affair with some guy before me...
although my girl told me abt that guy earlier bt she told me that they were good friends , they both used to like each other bt they didn't hav an affair..


now we had a fight and she admitted that she lied to me earlier and that she had an affair bt she never loved that guy..


now.. i'v lost it.. now my mind always thinks that she's a very clever girl and always lies to me..
i loved her so much nd she lied to me
i always hated such things.. boyfriends and breakups and affairs.. i proposed her for marriage.. i never had any affairs..
i always had an idea that she had an affair.. bt she always lied to me..


she must have been in a physical relationship with him.. i keep on asking her.. had they ever gone fr a movie together.. did she ever say "i love u" to him.
she says no...
i knw she's again lying to me...


she says that she lied to me bcuz she didn't want everything to end..
i knw she loves me a lot
and i knw that she doesn't lie to me in any other matter... bt its hard to believe hr now
ever since she's in a relationship with me.. she's very loyal.. she didn't tok to any of her friends for many months since i didn't wanted hr to...
bt she lied to me... why??...
i dnt understand wht to do....i cnnt concentrate on work
plzz help??

Hi,
I have couple of things to ask you. Answer them honestly.

Do you really love her? and Do you want to spend rest of your life with her?

If your answer is yes to both the questions then you don't need to bother about her past. If you love her then you should learn to trust your partner as well. If there is no trust in a relation then their is no point. Whats the big deal if she had a boy friend before you and she broke up with him. She might have though that her ex was not suitable for her and so she moved on. Everyone wants to be in a happy relationship. You are lucky that she chose you.

If you have any doubts trust me best thing is talk to her straight away and clarify your doubts and by the way do you believe her more or her friend? May be her friend is jealous of your gf and cooking stories just to spoil relationship.Man you need to trust your partner in a relationship and not be influenced by others listen to what your heart say.

If she ever had been intimate with her ex then again its her best you cannot change it or mend instead if you keep on dragging in present it will spoil your relationship and eventually you will loose her. Its very hard to get some one in this world who loves you unconditionally. So if you have it then take care of it and don't act foolish and loose that gem.

Cheers

hi sameeksha

m just so sorry... i was too mad that day... i really love her and want to spend the whole life with her.. i understand i shd trust her,.. its just that all these things keep on coming in my mind.. i myself wanna get rid of such thoughts...
may be she knew abt my reactions .. so she could nt say the truth..
ok .. shd i stop asking hr abt hr past .. ??

and what abt that... she lied to me.. and is still lying to me....???

Originally Posted by sameeksha

Hi,
I have couple of things to ask you. Answer them honestly.

Do you really love her? and Do you want to spend rest of your life with her?

If your answer is yes to both the questions then you don't need to bother about her past. If you love her then you should learn to trust your partner as well. If there is no trust in a relation then their is no point. Whats the big deal if she had a boy friend before you and she broke up with him. She might have though that her ex was not suitable for her and so she moved on. Everyone wants to be in a happy relationship. You are lucky that she chose you.

If you have any doubts trust me best thing is talk to her straight away and clarify your doubts and by the way do you believe her more or her friend? May be her friend is jealous of your gf and cooking stories just to spoil relationship.Man you need to trust your partner in a relationship and not be influenced by others listen to what your heart say.

If she ever had been intimate with her ex then again its her best you cannot change it or mend instead if you keep on dragging in present it will spoil your relationship and eventually you will loose her. Its very hard to get some one in this world who loves you unconditionally. So if you have it then take care of it and don't act foolish and loose that gem.

Cheers

Hii sameeksha,


A very good take on this. I am glad to see you handled this issue in a very positive manner. Nothing better could have been advised to harprab than this.

I really appreciate your thinking and your capability towards handling this issue. Keep it up !!



@harprab : Yes, you should not ask about her past or infact keep bringing it up again and again. Remember, just because you didn't get into a relationship in past doesn't mean that you judge everyone on the same scale. The point that she loves you is evident from the fact that she never showed her disloyalty to you and if she hided things from you that was just because somewhere in her heart she knew that these things will hurt you and you might break this relationship without giving it a single thought. Whatever was it, it was her past. Right now the situation is, that she loves you and you have made a different place in her heart, she wants to be with you and that's why perhaps she is trying her level best to suppress your anger.

So, stop reacting as if you have lost a life. Try to forgive for it wasn't her fault to love someone and get dumped. Whatever happened, just happened and that was her call. Ask her to make a promise that things like that will never repeat in future from her side and that she will stay loyal to you always. I am sure, she will keep her words. Realize, its not easy to get someone who loves you truly. So, if love's knocking your door, open the door and embrace it.

Originally Posted by harprab

hi sameeksha

m just so sorry... i was too mad that day... i really love her and want to spend the whole life with her.. i understand i shd trust her,.. its just that all these things keep on coming in my mind.. i myself wanna get rid of such thoughts...
may be she knew abt my reactions .. so she could nt say the truth..
ok .. shd i stop asking hr abt hr past .. ??

I understand what you are going through right now Harprab, but a relationship is based on trust and loyalty, I understand that she has hurt by lying you about her past, but a past is afterall a past and its time now to move on from it and if you truly love your girl, then forgive her for the mistake and move on and give love and try and understand her situation why she lied to you, may be she might not have intended to hurt you but you have to make her understand that if she would have told the truth it would have hurt but for a while and by lying she has not only hurt you badly but hurt your trust on her as well, take time to know her and understand her and then decide whether to stay in a relationship or not, do not rush for decision which you might regret in future. See, harprab I can understand she has hurt you by lying you, but try to look at the other perspective and don't doubt on her because a relationship can not survive if the trust is missing among the partners.

i really love hr a lot .. ther's nothing in my life except hr...
m sry fr wht i did bt..
i was too mad at her... so lastly she had to tell me that she was even in an intimate relationship with that guy.. bt things didn't work out on the marriage part so they had a brk up..
and she felt ashamed to tell me such things .. she felt that i will consider her wrong(character wise) in hr past ... so she kept hiding such things..
now i'm better... bt i dnt knw if she's fine.. just wanna knw that do u think that everything will work out nicely now,.. or will she feel guilty the whole life (cuz i knw these things now)?
frm my side i feel better now and i think that now the rest of the life can go nicely

Originally Posted by harprab

i really love hr a lot .. ther's nothing in my life except hr...
m sry fr wht i did bt..
i was too mad at her... so lastly she had to tell me that she was even in an intimate relationship with that guy.. bt things didn't work out on the marriage part so they had a brk up..
and she felt ashamed to tell me such things .. she felt that i will consider her wrong(character wise) in hr past ... so she kept hiding such things..
now i'm better... bt i dnt knw if she's fine.. just wanna knw that do u think that everything will work out nicely now,.. or will she feel guilty the whole life (cuz i knw these things now)?
frm my side i feel better now and i think that now the rest of the life can go nicely

You have to make her understand that you only want her to be pure and true to this relationship whatever has happened has happened in her past and there is no connection of her past with the present that is your relationship with her, make her comfortable with you so that she might not lie or hide things in future from you and even openly discuss all the things with you, you need to give her some time and make her feel special and make her believe that your relationship will not get affected due to her past my friend, if you want the girl to stay with you, make her feel that special from your side and let her get over her past things as quickly as you can to avoid such clashes in future.
And as far as your part is concerned, you make a promise to yourself that you will never ever bring any of her past instances or relationships infront of her whatever happens to you, to make her feel bad. Also be pure and true to your partner from your side, never hide anything from your partner because if you hide or lie once you will have to lie forever to hide your first lied thing and this will mess your relationship in future.
I hope for the best with your relationship and have a good love life with your partner.