Originally my boyfriend said he couldn't bring it up until things were very serious (right before getting engaged). Then he broke up with me saying his parents would never approve & he didn't want to hurt them. However, he became very depressed for months after he left me. Now he is asking if we can get back together because he's found he just can't be without me.

He said it's a huge step & right now is too soon, when he's only known me 6 months total and it'll be 3 more months before he knows where he'll be stationed for work for the next 2 years (we might be long distance for all that time!). But I want to decide how long I'm willing to wait for our relationship to progress to the next level... And if realistically he's ever planning on standing up to his parents for me anyhow!

Hi learning,


There is another thread running in your name on this forum.
Well, getting involved in a love relationship is not always a decision done by prioritizing emotions but also practical side of your thinking.
In the earlier thread you have mentioned that your very own boyfriend, who belongs to Indian origin, is bit, sort of, reluctant in disclosing his relationship with you ( a white girl ) to his parents evaluating that coming up from the Indian culture, they might not agree to it.
Above also you have mentioned the same reason of your separation and that is, his fear towards opening up things to his family.
Well, here now you have evaluated the time extend after completion of which actually he will feel the right time for him to disclose it to hi parents and discuss about his future with you.
Analyse couple of things :

1) He has already dumped you a while ago on the same issue. I understand that he loves you and can't live without you, but these mere words of emotions and love don't work all the times. You have to take a stand, talk to your elders and think about marriage...and if there is any solid reason behind this, one should come up with it with justifications.
I really don't see any valid point in the reason that he has given for not disclosing about his relationship to his family. The point that its too early, makes no obvious reason. What if, by any chance his family members get to know about his relationship with you? What are the chances that he will take a stand then ?

2) You guys, in a 2-3 months time will be moving in a very difficult phase of your life - the long distance relationship. If you return back to him now and in time to come get into a real long distance relationship, what are the odds that his loyalty to you will be intact. Yes, I understand the point you will try to make here, that, you know he really loves you and you have just seen him going through a depression phase for all the time you guys have parted ways and that makes you believe that he will always be loyal to you.
Hey, I am not questioning him on his loyalty, but you should remember, your relationship is just not like as it used to be earlier.
Explaining it to you in simple terms, put it like every relationship is like a thread, may be a string, smooth and continuous till it meets a breaking point ( i.e. break up or separation ), after which even if you try to mend things up and repair your relationship, you would always end up forming a knot ( same as its formed after to tie two ends of a thread/string ).
The point I am trying to hit here is, there is a fair chance of him getting into a relationship with some other girl over a period of two years while you will be waiting for him to return back and initiate a talk at his home. See, long distance relationships comes with no guarantee.

Now, what to do?
Tell him that yes there is a chance of him returning back into your life, making things as it were back then provided he atleast gets engaged to you, if not married. I understand it might be difficult for him again to think about it, go to his parents and talk about you and his engagement with you. But if he really values you and genuinely wants you, he has to take this step cause you are not a fool who would keep waiting more than two years for him to return back from his work place and marry you, when ofcourse there has been a break point in your relationship.

Eventually this thing has to be addressed some or the other day, so why not right now. Atleast you will be happy and secured that he is yours and his family members have formally accepted you. This will for obvious reasons lead you guys to a more firm bond. Its just a matter of time. He's doing good with his life and career and so he shouldn't find it any difficult to come up with things happening in his life and accepting them gracefully.

There is actually no word or no guarantee that he has changed and that he would put in some effort in near future to make you his wife when once he has backed off on the same issue. If he can be a man and take a step forth, well and good, accept your love gracefully else you know what you have to do.

Thank you so much for your thoughtful words. Basically, I have no knowledge of traditional Indian culture, so I didn't want to judge him unfairly. If he thought 6 months was too early to tell his parents, then I didn't want to push it if that's really not reasonable among Indian families. But if you're saying that now should be as good a time as any -- if he's actually serious about me -- and I shouldn't expect to have to be kept secret for 2 years, then perhaps I should tell him that he's free to inform his parents or not, but I'm not planning on committing to a relationship as long as I'm secret.