Hi,
I am a south indian girl who is madly in love with a north indian guy (jaat). When we started all this relationship, we had no idea that we would fall for each other. Moreover, he had told me specifically that HE CAN NEVER GIVE ME LONG TERM COMMITMENT. Despite everything, we started seeing each other and ended up falling in love. I am 24, All India Service officer, undergoing training. He is 26, an engineer and works for an MNC. I am being very frank here: I love him, and cannot comprehend a lifetime without him. He loves me too much, but is not willing to take a decision that will hurt and wound his parents forever. The only reason for it is his caste: a jaat, and strongly rooted in it. He does not want to embarrass his parents just so he can marry the girl he loves. Moreover his parents are very serious about getting him married soon. They know that i exist in his life - some where as an unassuming friend. They have no clue about our relationship. I am completely broken because I really hoped for him to rethink things since we fell in love (which we decided not to in the beginning). I dont know what to do and the emptiness i feel every time i imagine him going away is too much to bear. I do not want to take any stupid/drastic decisions with my life, but that's all i have been thinking about the past month.
Someone please help me.

Hi Dear,

I know what you are going through. See the thing is I know you and you bf love each other but whats the point if he can't talk to his parents for his love. He is a coward and if he can't take a stand for you right now he won't in the future. Just think if you get married to him and his parents for example his mother and you don't go well along with each other he won't support you. You can still bear the pain being separated from him rather getting married and then facing problems. At the max you can do is give him ultimatum that if he wants you he need to inform his parents about this relationship or else forget you. Ok tell me one thing do you want to lead all your life just remembering this guy who couldn't take stand for you. I know its not easy but just to make your life better you need to take this decision. He will marry some one else and will forget you soon who is suffering and loosing its only you. SO don't give him opportunity to hurt you. I would strongly suggest to tell him to talk to his parents other wise you guys part your ways. Take care

Sameekhsha, you are partially correct but I think you have ignored the fact that when they both fell in relationship, he had cleared that he won't be able to make any commitment, so he already knew that his parents will not like it and moreoever he don't want to hurt them. The guy is not that bad you pictured, both mutually had decided to go for relation even when they were aware that there is no future together. Why to regret when things were clear in beginning.. on the other hand Sameeksa is right that do not just run after him, you don't want to regret yourself later. Just ask him once more, if he denies, END it all ! And both knew it coming.. isn't ?

Well Sameeksha, Savera is right you have just seen one side of the coin and you are taking some decision on the basis of the side you are seeing, but life is not always single faced, you always have a flip side of everything that you have to look for. But atleast you are right for the one cause that the girl should not run behind that boy, but here too I feel partially you are right, let me explain: When they got to know each other and eventually fell for each other they very well knew that the future is gonna be dark because the bf is little more cared for his parents which is definitely true on his part, because he has been brought up and cared by his parents and his parents are the reason for what he is today, so my dear it is always a good thing to care for parents.
Coming to your point friend,
See, you both knew very well that your future might not be the way you were expecting it to be...Still I would say you have to give it another try and I will show you how...
You approach your boyfriend and try and make him understand that the decision of not hurting his parents is very right and you totally support him for that, also you would not like him taking any decision to hurt his parents just to marry you, then you say him that, see we both knew that we might not get into a marriage and forever relationship still we stepped into the relationship and you were too ready to step into it, I am not blaming you for anything, but the point I have to make is, will you ever be able to give the amount of love and respect that you have for me to the girl you will marry by your parents choice, may be no (if you really love me) and yes (If you wasn't serious about our relationship). Ok, I will let you go wherever you want to and to marry any girl just because your parents will not like you to marry me just for the reason of caste or may be with the fear of SOCIETY, but my dear society is always two faced, it will always talk on two sides on any point to make your life worse, forget about SOCIETY, what if in future, you marry to the girl of your parents choice and then your marriage wont work, would your parents be still the same happy when like the one when they made you marry to the girl of their choice, definitely not, they will surely be disheartened and badly hurt for making a wrong decision for their son, and you say you will not talk to your parents about our relationship, that doesn't really make you a man, when you chose to love me, when you chose to get into a relationship with me, you were firm that you may love me till the end and be forever for me, and now when the real time of making a decision has arrived, you are stepping your feet back with the mere fear of getting your choice rejected, no you are just not asking them with the fear of getting an answer NO, but you will never know if the miracle happens and your parents may approve our relationship, but this may only happen if you step forward and put the proposal of our marriage infront of your parents, they may initially be on a negative side, but if they really love you and want your happiness (Which every parent wants for his child at the end of the day) then they have to take a decision in favor of you, but if you don't dare to ask them and just forget this relationship and hurt you and me both without asking your parent you will always be left with the answer in mind and that will be 'NO' so step forward and atleast go for a talk with your parents for our relationship and in the whole course I will be supporting you as I dearly love you and I will always be there for you even in bad times as I have always been there in Good times.
But be sure that while talking to him all this you have to be VERY VERY VERY POLITE and CONVINCING that every word uttered from your mouth should be directly hitting like an arrow hitting right on the target i.e, on his heart and which will force him to rethink and take the proposal of your relationship to his parents.
But here what I also want to confirm is this being the inter caste marriage issue, will your parents be ready to accept your boyfriend as their son-in-law as I think South Indian families are more strict and orthodox and adamant on their decisions and they don't move an inch in these matters, specially in case of inter caste marriages...will be waiting to hear on this soon from you ..