I decided to post this question in here because most Indians out there know a lot about arranged marriages.

Hi,I'm a 27 year old Sri Lankan living in the Gulf.
I always wanted to get married to a Sri lankan girl ,but since I've been out of the country for 9 years (first for University and then work),it has been difficult to find a girl by myself.
Therefore I decided to ask my parents to find me several matches out of whom I select the girl I most interesting.

Now,the first problem is:
I want a courtship period of around 2 years before getting married. I also don't want to get engaged with her soon after getting to know her. I want to have a relationship for at least a year or so before getting engaged.This will give us time to develop love and mutual understanding.

So question number 1 is: Are there many girls out there who will like this kind of a long courtship period prior to an arranged marriage?
question 2 is: Are many parents out there ready to permit such a long courtship period?

The next part of the problem is that,as I live abroad I'll have to maintain a long distance relationship with her. This means I'll be keeping in touch with her through things like phone calls and skype.

However,I have one plus point. The nature of my job allows me to take a one month vacation,once 2 months (I work as an engineer in an offshore oil rig in Abu Dhabi). I spend my vacation in Sri Lanka. This will give me enough time to meet her personally. So I'll be having periods of long distance relationships and close relationships from time to time.

So my third question will be: Will I have a good chance of maintaining a good relationship during the courtship period in this way?

So,I hope for help and advise from uncles and aunties (or anyone with a good understanding of marriage arrangements) out there on these 3 questions. I wish to get as many answers as possible.

Thank you!

Hello vindula , welcome to eTI forums.

Your question has been approved.

Hi vindula,


Well, before I answer your above questions, I would like to appreciate the way you have framed your question in your problem statement above. This has made almost everything clear in my mind.

There are few things I believe, I should point out in here :

1) Your problem statement gives me a feeling that you are a person who has too much of a practical view point in life. You analyse a thing seriously, judge it well, acknowledge the facts and figures and then draw your conclusion or make a decision accordingly.
The same thing is reflected in your problem statement where you have said that, you want a 2 years long courtship period and that to before getting engaged. Even after having a 2 year long courtship period you want to get into a relationship first before getting engaged. This shows you want to eliminate almost every possibility of getting engaged to a wrong person.
This thought is good from your side but there are problems attached to it.

One, as far as I can say, no girl would risk 2-3 long years of her life with you in a courtship period trying to satisfying your needs, live according to your wishes, do whatever you want her to do when you don't provide any guarantee that you will marry her.
What are the odds that after spending an year or two with you, you will accept that girl for marriage ? There is a finite possibility that after " wasting " two years of your life with you, pleasing you, you might leave her for always by saying that she couldn't fulfil the standards you had set for your wife.

So, I believe no girl is such a dumb to spend 2-3 long years of her life with you, have you make her do whatever you like and leave her when you want.

My answer to your first question is No and if you get a girl who is ready to do so, let me tell you, that girl must be faking from you and will never qualify worth enough to be your wife.

Also, no parents would allow their daughter to risk her two years in maintaining a courtship period with a guy who cannot guarantee a marriage with her in future.

2) Your idea about the courtship period is completely wrong. Courtship period is a period after you get engaged to someone and before you get married to him or her. A basic necessity of courtship period is to have an engagement first. Engagement is a ceremony where you give a commitment to your to-be partner that you will marry him/her, if things go according to your adjustment levels or according to your wish. Courtship periods starts just after this and continues till you get married to your partner. It is the period where you develop an understanding for your better half, give him/her a chance to know you well so that you both can share a happy life.
If things go weak during courtship period then one can consider an option of breaking the engagement and set aside free.

But there is no courtship period before marriage. Also, ideally the courtship period should not last too long for 2-3 years else it will have reverse effect. Humans tend to get bored very easily. So, if the courtship period is long, there are chances that you might feel your feelings loosing hold of your heart which will lead to tensions and friction. So, go for a courtship period for max one year. One year is enough a time to understand each other.

3) Relationships are not handled as you are looking into it. They involve emotions. They have feelings into it. Probably, you haven't been in a relationship and that is why you are thinking this way. Your partner will be your wife and every wife is entitled to live with her husband first, and then comes the in-laws. So, if you thing your wife can stay away from you and maintain a permanent long distance relationship with you coming over in every 2 months, you are mistaken. She will serve your parents but she cannot always stay away from you.

Also, when you get married try to adjust according to your wife's wishes too. She is your wife and she has equal rights over you. She shouldn't be the one always compromising. You should also learn to adjust and compromise to her needs whenever needed else I am pretty sure you will never have a good happily married life.

For marriage to be a success its very important that both of you adhere to each other's need and commit to oneself that whatever happens you both will stick together in an unbreakable bond.

I hope you will understand my point. Find a girl, engage with her first, live a courtship period of an year maximum, know each other well, try to develop love and affection and get married. That's the proper way.

So, if you thing your wife can stay away from you and maintain a permanent long distance relationship with you coming over in every 2 months, you are mistaken. She will serve your parents but she cannot always stay away from you.

I will have a LDR for the duration of the courtship period only. There after I can switch to an office position where I'll have a regular 8 (or less) work day. This will allow me to stay with my wife all the time
Do you think it's possible to have a courtship period in the form of a LDR?

Pulkit I need your advise.