Originally Posted by Pulkit

Hi Designer,


Couple of noticeable things in your problem statement.

First, you have already given up and don't want to fight for it. Same goes with your girlfriend. as said above, suicide or eloping away is never a solution. Your death will hardly change things on the girl's side. If her parents are adamant on marying her to someone else, they wouldn't bother whatever you do to yourself. Plus, don't drag your girlfriend into this. Putting your life to an end is your own decision and you should not involve your girlfriend into it. Don't develop these suicidal tendencies because they will lead you to nowhere. You will only become more and more negative and nothing will seem okay.

Understand, this is the time to react and not complain. Remember, don't advertise your emotions everywhere, there is no place for your emotions in this world. Instead, fight against them and try to grab happiness that belong to you.

Second, I don't understand why you holding yourself responsible for the whole thing. I get the point that your girlfriend was forced into getting all this and her ROKA was done without her consent. But you should understand your girlfriend is not a kid who can be scolded and forced into doing things without her will. She can straight away walk to her to-be in-laws and state herself clear. All she got to do is gather some courage and speak her heart out, if she believes they are wrong.
What was the need to keep calm and sit tight when her family was doing her ROKA ? She could have took a stand then and there. They are her parents and wouldn't kill her for anything.

The time has not gone and you both can still do something about it. Talk to her in-laws and tell them you both love each other and that she is being forced into this marriage stuff. Leave the rest to destiny. You have laws on your side, as stated above by asaam. If I am not wrong, her in-laws will understand the gravity of the situation and will re-consider the marriage.


Third, all these threats are fake and nothing will be done. Nobody wants to get involved in a case and face the insult all over. The maximum they MIGHT do is, make you a call from any of their Police relative and get you scolded well. Dats it !!

So, if this fear is stopping you from moving futher, don't feel afraid.

Fourth, Where are your parents ? Are they informed of all these things ? Do they know the situation and your idea of eloping away or suiciding ? Do they know about your relationship with the girl in question ? If yes, I would like to know their answer. If no, why so ? Do you plan to drop a "sorry" letter to your parents to see after you have left the earth ? If that is what you think, let me tell you, its a shame.
Inform about all this to your parents and see what they have to say. Tell them you love someone and you want to get married to her. Make them understand your plans and see what they have to say to you and your relationship.

Fifth, catch hold of that person who told these false things about you to your girlfriend's family members. Take him to her house and make him say the truth and accept the things. If you are not able to do this, ask her family members to investigate on their own before deciding your fate.

Sixth, consult a lawyer, as said above. Have some people on your side and in your support as well. If things worsen up, you are not left alone in this world to fight back.

Very importantly, say sorry if even a percent of what they have heard about you is true. Respect from heart is very important. You may have the courage to take their daughter away from them but do you have the guts to apologise to them, cry out loud and make them realize your pain and your love for her. If you can, do it because nothing is more important than this.







I hope, I could make myself clear. I might be wrong in many things I have said above but I feel I should tell them to you. rest is in your hands !!

Thank you for the suggestion my dear friend


1: we have not yet given up we are still trying and trying and giving family chance so that they accept us happily and we live without any fear in our life.

2 : I understand ur word and respect them. but she was not ready to do anything like this
but she was not aware of it. only 1 hr before when she reached home after her office she got the information
and then she was beaten up and she was taken to place and she said if u do this
i will speck all the truth over their then her mother that if u speck a single word then we will kill him and they have
mine nub so she sit quite over their and not talked to anyone

her father in-laws stay at Pune so she dont want to talk on phone to them and she is waiting that if they came back
she will talk to them for the same

3: ok i got your point. I have already put up a complaint against them for the same if any thing happened then her family is responsible

4:They already now about her but they r not ready to take any step further because of caste. They are from lower caste. I am living separately from my family

5: The person who had given the false statement about me is their elder son in law. They trust him blindly
so what ever he told them they take it seriously. When this was not happened a few days back, i had a word with him he said
dont worry i try to convince family but after having a word with me same day he put some false statemnt to family.

6: I am consulting lawyer for my safety also

I respect very truly and don't want to loos them that is the reason that we had not yet took any wrong step.She is trying to convince her family but if they
put some pressure for marriage then we dont have any other way to run away or suicide.I m ready to show them my love and prove it
but their are not able to met me, listen me, talk about me. They have in mind that im using their daughter for time pass, i will leave her after some
year etc etc but i truly want that they should give me 1 chance to show my feeling for their daughter

They are very clear that we can marry u anywhere else but not with the boy of ur wish. he is not good at all. They r trying to put misunderstanding in between us so she leave me
but we too are also very clear that if we marry, we marry each other otherwise no one else.
Now her family don't even care if she cry for hours and hour. They don't even make her stop. They only say this
if u had a relation then why u don't said before, Y u both dont get married if u r in relation and enclosed all this before.
now its been more than 7 days im not able to contact with her and dont now the exactly situation of her and their plan.



Our Views : We both had planed that if our family will not agree then we don't have any other way to go for court marriage.Then for protection. We are in hope that they will accept us
and we don't do anything wrong which make them shame in society but now they are not giving us any other way apart from this.
I need you help in this that can you tell me about the process of marriage, law and what step we need to take before we go this way so that we dont get in any problem.

IS THIS WRONG IN THIS COUNTRY IF WE LOVE OR CHOOSE OUR LIFE PARTNER OF OUR OWN CHOOSE. WHY THE PARENT DON"T SEE WHAT WILL HAPPENED IF THEY FORCE FULLY MARRY US SOME WHERE ELSE WITHOUT OUR WISH.

Thank you all for the suggestions

God help us

Hi Designer,


If you go by law, then, in every case you have all the rights to choose your life partner. But, what separates is the emotions you have for your parents. They are the ones who have put in the best of your efforts to make you what you are, to give you what you have and to make your own identity in the world. Now, by this token, they have COMPLETE RIGHTS over you to stop you from getting into any troubles. In a way dear friend, YOU are in debt of all that they have done for you. For whatever you are today, its completely because of your parents and their efforts in making it possible.

You behaving really immature today. Try considering this, tomorrow you will have kids, you will work really hard to make them a good citizen and a decent personality, secure a good job in future and have a decent foothold in life. But when all of a sudden your kid comes to you with his/her girlfriend/boyfriend telling you that I want to marry this person else I give a damn to you. How would you feel ? I understand you would not stop your child from falling in love with someone he/she likes, but you would always want him/her to be in secure hands, isn't it ?

Same is the thing happening here. Her parents are just concerned for her safety and well-being. If you try to impose things on them, or even try to take a negative step, it will give them a good reason for not marrying their daughter to you.


Also, as you said above They are very clear that we can marry u anywhere else but not with the boy of ur wish. he is not good at all. shows that they are not adamant on her marrying to someone she loves. But they are only worried to her marrying to you because their elder son-in-law has given some false information about you.

Now, suiciding or eloping away will only prove their elder son-in-law right and you wrong. And this is not the solution. All the threats given is their way of keeping you both apart. But since you truly love her and want her, these threats cannot stop you.

All I want you to do is, stay silent, relax a while, think of doing something that can prove you right, that can make them realize your love for her and that can make them doubt on whatever was told to them by their son-in-law. Don't go for radical measures of ending your life or eloping away. This will 100% put you guys in big trouble.

If they are not ready to meet you, you impose yourself on them. There must be somebody who you think will/can atleast listen to you. There must be some person whom you might talk to and explain your unpleasantness - may be her brother, sister, father, uncle, mother anyone ?

If you keep your efforts on, keep on insisting them to talk to you or listen to you once, allow you to prove your love, allow you to prove your worth, then there are chances that they will atleast for once listen to you - " Okay Designer ! Tell us what you have to say ? "...or something like that. Plus their own daughter is forcing them so that will give you a support.
I believe no parents are as hard as rock that they cannot be melted.

Also, until and unless you involve your family into it, nothing can be done. Since your family is not ready for the marriage because of caste etc, its time when you should talk to them first and convince your parents for the marriage. Atleast one side should get ready, we can take care of the other side later.

Originally Posted by Pulkit

Hi Designer,


If you go by law, then, in every case you have all the rights to choose your life partner. But, what separates is the emotions you have for your parents. They are the ones who have put in the best of your efforts to make you what you are, to give you what you have and to make your own identity in the world. Now, by this token, they have COMPLETE RIGHTS over you to stop you from getting into any troubles. In a way dear friend, YOU are in debt of all that they have done for you. For whatever you are today, its completely because of your parents and their efforts in making it possible.

You behaving really immature today. Try considering this, tomorrow you will have kids, you will work really hard to make them a good citizen and a decent personality, secure a good job in future and have a decent foothold in life. But when all of a sudden your kid comes to you with his/her girlfriend/boyfriend telling you that I want to marry this person else I give a damn to you. How would you feel ? I understand you would not stop your child from falling in love with someone he/she likes, but you would always want him/her to be in secure hands, isn't it ?

Same is the thing happening here. Her parents are just concerned for her safety and well-being. If you try to impose things on them, or even try to take a negative step, it will give them a good reason for not marrying their daughter to you.


Also, as you said above They are very clear that we can marry u anywhere else but not with the boy of ur wish. he is not good at all. shows that they are not adamant on her marrying to someone she loves. But they are only worried to her marrying to you because their elder son-in-law has given some false information about you.

Now, suiciding or eloping away will only prove their elder son-in-law right and you wrong. And this is not the solution. All the threats given is their way of keeping you both apart. But since you truly love her and want her, these threats cannot stop you.

All I want you to do is, stay silent, relax a while, think of doing something that can prove you right, that can make them realize your love for her and that can make them doubt on whatever was told to them by their son-in-law. Don't go for radical measures of ending your life or eloping away. This will 100% put you guys in big trouble.

If they are not ready to meet you, you impose yourself on them. There must be somebody who you think will/can atleast listen to you. There must be some person whom you might talk to and explain your unpleasantness - may be her brother, sister, father, uncle, mother anyone ?

If you keep your efforts on, keep on insisting them to talk to you or listen to you once, allow you to prove your love, allow you to prove your worth, then there are chances that they will atleast for once listen to you - " Okay Designer ! Tell us what you have to say ? "...or something like that. Plus their own daughter is forcing them so that will give you a support.
I believe no parents are as hard as rock that they cannot be melted.

Also, until and unless you involve your family into it, nothing can be done. Since your family is not ready for the marriage because of caste etc, its time when you should talk to them first and convince your parents for the marriage. Atleast one side should get ready, we can take care of the other side later.

Thank you for a kind suggestions.


The condition is getting out of control day by day. Her family daily fight with her. No one in the family want to listen her just all want there respect in the society. If she say talk to boy but they tell them we dont want to talk him and convincing their daughter for their decision.Even we dont want to give some problem, hurt them, make them shame in society but they are not even to listen about me any word

I am not behaving any immature, we are trying are all best level so that once her family talk to me so met me. it been going 1 yr that we are trying to convince them but ..... :-(

They are trying to put in some problem. I had talked to advocate also for the same issue. He said no one can stop you marrying a girl if you are mature but the girl don't want to serve any court notice to her family. She saying we can marrying and call her family that we are not married and stay in same city and work over their.
Sometime her family say you are behind the guy, the guy dont even want you because i m not trying to met them talk them etc etc but i am just waiting for a right time so that their family call me for a met and we talk.Is it Right or Wrong ?

About my family, my family will never ever going to talk and involve in this matter . They are very much cleared about this that we dont want to get involved in this matter so if u want to marrying her you can go and stay your own life and forget us.

This is really a grave situation, have to tried to talk to your parents, as to why they don't want your happiness is that the thing, for what they brought you up, that when real time comes for them to support you they back off?????
Secondly, while reading all this matter once again, I have got a point, that can be reported as an offence to the law, and for which,you may take legal action on:
You mentioned: "That they forcefully did roka of ur love without her consent by threatening her to kill you".
this is a sheer offence in eyes of law because nobody has right to force any girl to do roka or make her marry forcefully by torturing her, secondly, they harras her physically as well as mentally and force her to accept their decision, this is yet another offence, if you want to take any legal actions, you may again consult lawyer for this two points.
Thirdly, I don't understand why u still waiting and what would be your so called RIGHT TIME to go and talk to her parents as you can clearly see that her roka is already done and they can anytime take a step further to make her marry, when would your RIGHT TIME arrive......after her marriage??????
also I would like to add The kind of difficulties you are facing in your love path are not actually the difficulties they are tests that you have been put into by nature, to test your commitment, love and strength.
And my boy you are the one who has to be strong in any case and also mentally support your girl to take actions on her part to stop this forceful nonsense on her.......If you understand hindi I have a superb phrase which says:
"MUSIBATEIN KYA BIGADEGI IMANWALO KA,
TARABDO KE UNCHE HONE SE ASMAN KA KAD NAHI JUK JATA"
which means those who have a strong will to win, no obstacle will be able to stop them, so keep your will high as sky, that no obstacle can even dare to touch it or bring it down......you have travelled so long, its time to continue the struggle you never know if you continue this fight, tomorrow may bring you a new ray of hope and also might be the win in your battle, fight till the last breath and you only will win, becoz you have prayers and good wishes of about all the members here also ur friends and ua family too even if they don't show it....

Let me also add here that if you marry her keeping her parents in dark,you might straight away fall in a big big trouble, as they might lodge any serious complaint against you...of kidnapping, or any other serious matter could fall on you so I still advice you to directly approach her father and talk with him

Hi Designer,

Sorry for the late reply !!


Well, what swapnil had said above is quiet right except for the point where he has suggested you to take a legal action against her family for forcibly making her do ROKA with the guy of their choice. I don't think its a decent idea because going by this might hamper your reputation in her family. Its really good that you are concerned not just about the girl but her family also which will somewhere bring a change in their mindset for you.

Yes, as I wrote before

If they are not ready to meet you, you impose yourself on them. There must be somebody who you think will/can atleast listen to you. There must be some person whom you might talk to and explain your unpleasantness - may be her brother, sister, father, uncle, mother anyone ?

, if they are not ready to talk to you, you should instead go to her house and strike a chat with her family members. Give your 200% into all this that is only how they will realize your love for her and your intense desires to be with her.

I know its getting difficult day by day, but you see, her parents will never find peace in forcing their daughter to marry someone else. Her cries, her pains, her broken dreams everything is getting noticed by her parents. No parents on this earth can have a rock solid heart which can neglect or completely ignore their child's miseries. Similarly, though her parents are trying their level best to refrain her from marrying to you, but a time will come when they will realize that this activity of them is putting their daughter into too much of mental stress and deteriorating her health. A time will come when they will understand how important it is for you to have her as your wife and how intensely you love her that you are doing everything possible to convince them. A moment will come when they will realize that its a waste of time and their efforts to keep you both separated because you guys cannot live apart. This will be the time when they will consider talking to you about marriage.

I can guarantee this to you, every couple on earth who has faced this intercaste marriage issue or similar, has had gone through this very difficult time of convincing parents for the marriage. There are ways people do it. Some cry out loud, some stop eating, some hit on adamantly and some involve logic. But the crux of it is just one, that is, to get married to the person of their choice.

Don't wait for the right time to come. Talk as much as you can before it gets too delayed or before she gives up all hopes on you. You very well know you have little time. Make the best of it. Let her alone not fight with her parents in convincing them to meet you. Instead, you also put in your efforts. Go to her place and try to talk. They will not shoot you for entering their premises. Talk to your parents on this. Even if they have clearly stated their views, its your responsibility to make things work out in your favor as much as you can.

But, just don't give up on anything. Atleast, keep the hope alive !!

Pulkit whatever I said about taking a legal action was not to put an harm directly to their parents or to the dignity of their house because by forcing their daughter they are already putting a red mark on their dignity, and by taking a legal action I meant was forcing any person to marry against her choice is a social offence and should be stopped not onlly for this case but also for all others who are getting involved in such forceful actions

Originally Posted by swapnilramani

Pulkit whatever I said about taking a legal action was not to put an harm directly to their parents or to the dignity of their house because by forcing their daughter they are already putting a red mark on their dignity, and by taking a legal action I meant was forcing any person to marry against her choice is a social offence and should be stopped not onlly for this case but also for all others who are getting involved in such forceful actions

Hi swapnil,

Yes, I very well know whatever you said above was not to put any harm directly to her parents and/or their dignity on whole. My point was different. By taking a legal action, you cannot anticipate things i.e. how good or bad or even worse a situation may go. A legal action in a controlled and submissive manner can be taken into consideration but, things might get spoiled if situation go out of hand and no one can anticipate the result of this legal action.

So, I suggested him to stay away from it. The situation is very critical right now and any step turning out wrong can have damaging effects. Why take the risk ?