Hi All,

Am Priya , my life goes very complicated. Hence kindly help me with some suggestions. I was in a love with a guy for 1 year we both loved each other so truly.
Life was going fine. Both of our parents were against our love since we belong to different castes. In his home they were seein alliance for him . He said that he will say to my parents that he love me. But due to some fear I said don't say . By god's grace that girl has been dropped. Later one day he went to native with his parents, at that time his sister saw our photos and conveyed to his dad that he was in love . Suddenly his dad arranged for an alliance in his hometown and made an formal way of engagement stating keepin flower in girls head is an engagement in their caste. He doesn't knew this customs. He thought after coming to his home he can reject her. But situation went differently he was begging his parents like anythin . But they were not ready to accept me as well as stated that half marriage over and can't stop now. Moreover his dad was threatening that if this marriage stopped me, ur mom,bride and bride mom will do suicide. Also he added that now if u and ur lover got married na they will kill you both and also both of your parents. Since it's a village in south India they will not accept in gettin engaged to a girl and later marryin a girl whom you loved. Hence we decided to speak with that bride and explained the whole situation also stated that she will not be happy if she mArry him. But she replied only one thing for all that she will goto her dad I.e will die. She don't worry hw she gonna be after marriage he just want him to marry.Since her mom was in politics we don't know how to deal too. We begged to them for 4 months and he tried suicide but no use was very stubborn and stated they will die. One fine day all of a sudden bride mom n her relations came from there hometown to have a compromise with him. He begged to them that she will not be happy if this marriage happens and will divorce her. His mom was stubborn and said we don't mind whatever happens after marriage everythin will become alright. All of a sudden asked him and his family to get ready. Brought a car and took them stating tomorrow is their marriage. We don't know what to do. Since our parents grown us and made as a successful person to this level. We don't wanna spoil either my parents image by runnin out of my home and also leaving his parents to do sucide. Hence atlast he got married to that girl. But within a 2 hours of marriage he returned to our place. It's been almost 3 months nothing has happened between them don't speak to each other and he don't take her out. He states that only me in his heart no1 can change this and drinks daily. Even his parents and his wife bro no1 ask him anything. He says that he can't forget the memories of me and start a new life with her. I don lyk her , whenever I see her get a thought she spoiled my life. Even I can't forget him and get married to some1. Hence he decided to divorce her and marry me. Is this decision by us is correct? What to do if she did not sign the divorce papers ? How to convince our parents for this marriage ? Both of our home very orthodox and custom oriented.

Hi dear Priya,

You really have an epic case. Its certainly marriage against will which is against Indian law. Since a its a serious matter, we strongly advice you to consult a lawyer and take matter seriously.You can find lots of reference over internet for such situations.



However, following are the grounds for divorce in India mentioned under the Hindu Marriage Act, 1955.

Adultery – The act of indulging in any kind of sexual relationship including intercourse outside marriage is termed as adultery. Adultery is counted as a criminal offence and substantial proofs are required to establish it. An amendment to the law in 1976 states that one single act of adultery is enough for the petitioner to get a divorce.

Cruelty – A spouse can file a divorce case when he/she is subjected to any kind of mental and physical injury that causes danger to life, limb and health. The intangible acts of cruelty through mental torture are not judged upon one single act but series of incidents. Certain instances like the food being denied, continuous ill treatment and abuses to acquire dowry, perverse sexual act etc are included under cruelty.

Desertion – If one of the spouses voluntarily abandons his/her partner for at least a period of two years, the abandoned spouse can file a divorce case on the ground of desertion.

Conversion – Incase either of the two converts himself/herself into another religion, the other spouse may file a divorce case based on this ground.

Mental Disorder – Mental disorder can become a ground for filing a divorce if the spouse of the petitioner suffers from incurable mental disorder and insanity and therefore cannot be expected from the couple to stay together.

Leprosy – In case of a ‘virulent and incurable’ form of leprosy, a petition can be filed by the other spouse based on this ground.

Venereal Disease – If one of the spouses is suffering from a serious disease that is easily communicable, a divorce can be filed by the other spouse. The sexually transmitted diseases like AIDS are accounted to be venereal diseases.

Renunciation – A spouse is entitled to file for a divorce if the other renounces all worldly affairs by embracing a religious order.

Not Heard Alive – If a person is not seen or heard alive by those who are expected to be ‘naturally heard’ of the person for a continuous period of seven years, the person is presumed to be dead. The other spouse should need to file a divorce if he/she is interested in remarriage.

No Resumption of Co-habitation – It becomes a ground for divorce if the couple fails to resume their co-habitation after the court has passed a decree of separation.

The following are the grounds for divorce in India on which a petition can be filed only by the wife.

· If the husband has indulged in rape, bestiality and sodomy.

· If the marriage is solemnized before the Hindu Marriage Act and the husband has again married another woman in spite of the first wife being alive, the first wife can seek for a divorce.

· A girl is entitled to file for a divorce if she was married before the age of fifteen and renounces the marriage before she attains eighteen years of age.

· If there is no co-habitation for one year and the husband neglects the judgment of maintenance awarded to the wife by the court, the wife can contest for a divorce.

Hi Priya,


Really a very epic case as said above by Savera.

You guys have messed up with everything and at the end of the day, you will 100% spoil many individual lives. Being said that, I suggest you to stop everything now and at once. Your boyfriend is not a kid that he doesn't know or cannot understand that he is getting married. He should be ALARMED the moment he saw the girl and should have had stated himself clear then and there. This is obviously no reason that he wasn't aware that he is getting married. I suggest, he is fooling you around.

Importantly, its for you to know that he is married now. Even filing a divorce will not solve the matter. Instead, it will complicate things to a larger extend. By calling for a divorce, he is giving his wife the liberty to ask for a lifetime alimony and as much as she desires. Again there is no guarantee that the girl will sign for the divorce which will put all you three in trouble.

So, my advice to you is that you should stop HOPING for anything now. Also, make your boyfriend realize and understand that he is married and probably that is all and what was written in his destiny and that she should accept. By denying his marriage with the girl in question, he is putting everybody in trouble and bringing considerable amount of trouble to everyone's life. Tell him that being a husband, he should now stop contacting you and start concentrating more on his wife. If he was really adamant on not marrying anyone other than you, he should have had done things long before. He is not a kid who can be scolded and made to do things against his will. Its a marriage and not a game. It was a question of his own life but he anyhow compromised on it.

Priya, please let the things be as they are and stop digging into it more and more. This is the time when you should accept to the fact that he has gone, he is married and he belongs to someone else and not you. This is the time when he needs your support in starting a new life with his own wife. So, if possible, talk to him and convince him that he should forget you and move on with his life.

How would you feel if your husband doesn't pay any attention to you and always talk about his own ex-girlfriend ? For obvious reasons, you will never feel good and you will feel like running away. There is no point in destroying the life of that new girl. She is also a girl like you, who has also some aspirations and dreams of a better life just like you. What is her fault in marrying to your boyfriend. She must have also been pressurized into doing this marriage and which is why she silently accepted everything. But why make her life as hell ?

So dear, I would suggest you to move forward in life and try to forget everything that happened. In anyway your boyfriend accepted this marriage proposal and this is something nobody can deny. So, better would be that you also accept it and move on in your life with grace. You have your own self identity, please do not compromise on it. His family will never accept you as their bride or daughter in-law. Would you like to be a part of such a family who looks down at you with disgrace ? Certainly not. You are educated, you have a life, a self identity, an individuality, your own existence and whatsoever you should not compromise on with these.

Try to convince your boyfriend that he should accept all this and move on with his married life. Make him feel confident that he is a good boyfriend and will definitely become a good husband. Tell him that he should stop drinking and try to love his wife because she is the one who now deserves his love and you are now a past tense.

I understand, doing all this is again very much difficult but dear, you are a human being and you cannot stretch yourself beyond some point. You can fight back only to some limit but you cannot change or even question what's written in your destiny. I really respect your love for him but its okay, you don't get everything you desire in life.

Don't feel low on this as I am sure, life certainly has something better for you in store which is yet to come. So, let it go off and start a new fresh life from next morning. Remember, things happen for a good reason. This is not the end but a new start.



I hope I could make myself clear.