Hi,

Am 24 years old. I am in love with a guy who is 7 years older than me. We know each other from 5 years as we worked in the same office. We became good friends at first and later our friendship turned into a beautiful relation after understanding, knowing each other, including family background about parents. We liked each other as we knew very well about our parents that they would understand our feelings. I moved to a different city as my father got transferred. But our love continued even more than before. As we trust and respect and love each other. We are very serious about each other. He is a graduate and working in a private firm. Am also a graduate and pursing professional course and so i have not yet completed my studies. But my studies will complete in 4 months. I dint want to get married before i complete my studies and i have a good career. Even my guy does not have any obligations to this. And he himself encourage me to study. And he is also pursuing a course which will take another 4 months to complete, after which he also will be in a good position with good salary. Right now he is earning 40k and after the course the expected salary will be around 60 to 70k and obviously increase as and when the experience is gained. And its same for me too. But then we love each other not seeing our certificates or for our qualifications or salary as i feel its required for living a good life and not for loving a person. And at the same time neither me or him are uneducated. We both are very simple in life. We both are of different castes. But that is not a problem in both of our house.

Coming to my parents they are very good and my father has good name and position. My mother is a home maker. I have a younger brother who is 3 years younger to me. My parents are very nice supportive and loving. In one word to say no one is as lucky as me to get such parents and brother and thank god always that he gave such family without asking for. I never hurt them in anything, whether it may be in studies or behaviour as i was good at school and college and everything. Where ever i studied and worked, i got my parents compliments and good name for them. And they also have not told no in whatever matter it was. And when anyone spoke about my marriage, they always used to say we dont mind if she love someone and get married. With that confidence in them i loved a guy with whom i felt i will be happy and loved a good person.

His parents are very good people. His family has good name at their place and he is like a head of the place where they are staying. But as he is aged and his parents are little old they want to get him married as soon as possible. At first they accepted me. But as i took time, they don't want him to think about me now and want him to forget me and get married to a girl which they see. I thought in their parents view also and spoke to my parents too.

I expected that my parents may not agree at first as they also will have their own fear and dreams which i never told they should not have or wrong and thought that they do will understand once i make them understand. It happened as expected. Parents dint accept as soon as i told. I spoke to my mother first and she did not accept first because of our age difference and that he has not settled still and asked me to leave that guy. But we both can’t leave each other.

Later my father came to know about it, he suggested that i can’t concentrate on studies if i have such relations and that the age difference is too much and not good for the present generation as now a days people look for same age group people and that he has not settled properly still. They dint allow me to speak properly and i could not speak to them properly when he started speaking something and all. And that we both will have difference of opinion in future and that may lead to fights and other consequences.

Again after few days i spoke to my mother. I told her everything clearly that he is also pursuing a course and that we shall earn a good income and when others are proper age difference has to be compromised as no people in world are perfect and have only positive things in them so why cant compromise on age? And that too there is no difference of 10 years or more. And how would they know that the guy who they will search of my age and with good income and all that he will love me till end and be good charactered and that we will be together till end and i will be happy with him? And that why cant they think that i will be happy with a person whom i have liked and how they can come to a conclusion. My mother agreed for the same and she accepted our relation wholeheartedly.

My parents want me to have a good career. Even me too. But i dont think our relation was a barrier to my career and studies because he is very supportive and does not disturb me for my studies and career. I also don’t want to get married before I settle and he too settles. But at the same time I don’t feel any harm in accepting our relation.

My mother tried convincing my father but he is not ready to listen to her anything. He will neither scold anyone nor loose his temper or speak harshly. But he is not ready to listen to my mother. Because of some behaviour and fight my brother had thought that am not respecting my parents and that the guy is responsible for all these and has started hating my guy and speak nonsense. But am not much bothered about that. As he may accept him once parents accept wholeheartedly. But i want my father to accept him with love and wholeheartedly.

One side his parents are searching a girl for him. Though he does not want to marry anyone else and say he likes me only his parents are not listening. Because of these frustration he some times lose his temper and say i will marry another girl and want to leave me. But later he will come back to me. We cant imagine anyone else in our lives. Then it will be like cheating other persons too. We too will have dreams and feel those have to come true.

Now we really dont know how to approach my dad and his parents My mother is in confusion as to whom to support. I feel so frustrated and suicidal. But dying is not the solution for all problems. But at the same time we cant live without each other and neither want to hurt our parents.
Though I want to have a good career and working hard for it, is it wrong to have a relationship with a guy and is it wrong to love someone? That is also part of my life and don’t I have the right to have dreams? I had never told no for anything for what my parents wanted and never asked them anything. But when it come to my life should not I have dreams and should not I love anyone? Now also I don’t want to go against them. But at the same time I don’t want to leave that guy. I want them to accept wholeheartedly. Instead of seeing me unhappy with a guy who parents search for me, why cant they feel happy seeing me happy with a guy whom I love? Is there anything wrong?
I really dont know how to convince our parents. Please suggest us so that we dont want our parents to get hurt and at the same time we want to live together. And that our parents have to accept us wholeheartedly and happily. Am really so depressed.

Please suggest

Hi Neeta,

Thanks for writing.


Frankly speaking, things look good at your end. Its really good that your mother is somewhat ready for the marriage. Let's keep your brother aside as he is into some kind of misunderstanding which will go once he gets to know about your man. As far as your father is concerned, feel good that he is not dead against the match, but only little bit insecure.

After your complete your professional course, go to him and talk to him about everything from start till end. Convince them by telling them that Love is something that goes beyond age difference, caste and all, etc. Tell him that by marrying to same age guy can never guarantee the happiness to you. Since your boyfriend is elder to you, he his mature and thinks rationally. His actions, his decision will always have a sense of seriousness, practicality, knowledge and wisdom. While, if you get married to a guy of your own age, you guys might end up having ego clashes, difference of opinions etc. Moreover, he would not really know what's right or what's wrong for you both.

So, there are many points I can tell you which would favor your decision of getting married to a person elder to you that to someone who is of same age as yours. Your parents have their own opinion, I have my own.

Talking about the guy's side, if his parents are looking up for match for him, its your guy's responsibility to ask them to wait since he loves you and will get married to you only. He can explain to his family that you are into this professional course because you too want to secure a good life with him. He needs to ask his family to halt a bit and allow you to finish up with your studies, settle down before getting married to him.

You guys need to talk to your respective families and convince them anyhow. Situation is still under control. Hope some positive things come out of this.

thank you very much pulkit for Your suggestion. it was very much helpful to me. hope everything goes on well. thank you very much

Originally Posted by Neeta

thank you very much pulkit for Your suggestion. it was very much helpful to me. hope everything goes on well. thank you very much

Thank you Neeta for writing to us. Please feel free to come to us and share your thoughts, views, opinions, activities or anything. There are so many people here who can be your friends and who are always ready to help you out.

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