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mixed marrieages in britain...do you approve?

hi i am a black british man and over the years have formed friendships with asian people but i have ...
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  1. #1
    iced bun is offline Just in!
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    mixed marrieages in britain...do you approve?

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    hi
    i am a black british man and over the years have formed friendships with asian people but i have never formed a friendship/relationship with a asian female.
    and that isnt because im not attracted to them' it is because i feel that me being being non asian makes it unacceptable /impossible in some cases to be accepted by a asian woman's parents.
    so therefore my question is why is it unacceptable to a great extent for a non asian man to date/marry a asian woman?
    surely it is natural to be attracted to a woman of a different race and desire to form a relationship that could lead to marrieage?
    why then is it discouraged on the grounds of religion or even race?
    surely a great number of asian women feel forced to stick to their own but inside their heart they may desire to widen out and taste other fruit i.e a man or black or white race?
    if so why should that be wrong?
    to my mind putting up barriers creates unhappiness and frustration.
    people feel happier when their right to choose is respected.
    i just think it is time people tear down the barriers of old and freely mix with each other.
    i think that if i were a british asian and wasnt allowed to choose my own potential wife' i would feel so unhappy.
    i think indian women are beautiful but i assume that many are unhappy because their right to choose is denied and they become like slaves for the rest of their lives which noone would enjoy.
    this is why you are finding muslim women standing up and having the courage to say they are fed up of being slaves.
    and i have to say i agree with them.
    i'm not putting asian culture down' i'm just saying that it is time for change.
    be fairer to your women and men..respect their right to choose.
    remember that they have feelings..they are not robots designed to obey your every command.

  2. #2
    Ricky is offline eTI Silver
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    Re: mixed marrieages in britain...do you approve?

    Whatever you feel is absolutely OK.

    When a person get attracted to other than he is attracted to a personality but not a race / religion.
    Before going any further, we must understand working of Asian culture. Though I am being an Indian can talk about Indian perspective only so I may be wrong if it is about whole Asian.

    Its not that women find themselves as slaves, its just about particular culture, India is so diversified that a North Indian guy find South Indian people totally stranger, only thing which resembles in them left is being Indian. So woman are not slave everywhere.

    You have to put yourself in the shoe of a Indian parents whose girl want to marry a Non-Asian rather even an non-religion guy. For the sake of the happiness of their daughter, mostly wanted to allow them but further the Indian society is so closely knitted that there are very few chances of them later to be in society and with same respect as they have earlier. If a girl from one culture wants to go to other then those culture people will actually stand against because they all consider (as its from their own religion / culture) her as their daughter hence will never allow her leave and accept another culture, its against what they all are learning in their religion from ages.

    Even for a girl it is not easy, one side she might want to go with the one whom she likes but on the other hand, her roots.. her teachings shall not allow her, even if no one is stopping her, still will feel guilty as going against her culture / religion.

    One may think that its their own life.. nothing to do with others but .. why you forget that Humans are social creature, they must have to maintain balance. They just can't be so selfish.

    Personally, I too favour that one should be allowed to do whatever she/ he feels best for her but rules made through thousands of years always proof them worthy if really things happens like that... Man then remember .. that what they are taught is not just teaching but its to make life better.. their life better.

  3. #3
    iced bun is offline Just in!
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    Re: mixed marrieages in britain...do you approve?

    ricky
    hi and thank you for your full and honest response.

    basically i understand that religion and fear of being rejected by ones parents friends' causes many to live a life in which i assume they are not truly happy.
    and the reason i say that is because all humans are born with the right to choose what they believe is good for them.
    i respect the decision asian parents make on behalf of their children' but for argument sake' what if a asian girl or boy decides they want to question what their parents tell them is right?
    what happens then?
    do the parents resort to beating or shout at their children?
    ricky' did you except completely what your parents taught you in terms of religion?
    or did you ask questions and seek out for yourself if your religion is actually false?
    and if it is false' where can the true religion or god be found?
    i think that when a person is brave enough to question things they often find that what they are being taught is not actually true and then in some cases the child feels upset and confused.
    this is why i believe that asian culture needs to look at itself and ask the question ' are what we are doing producing happiness?
    my answer to that question would be no.
    i realise now that if i as a black british man wanted to marry a asian british born woman' i would have to accept the religion her parents taught her to accept as the only true religion.
    and what if i had the courage to question her religion and even say that i dont believe in it?
    would that not cause conflict and even offence and fear?
    however if i just submitted myself without question or resistance' i would be accepted yes?
    but then would i being true to myself?
    this is why i say that many asians both men and women must be unhappy inside their hearts because all humans have the abilty to question and discern right from wrong but if they dont use that ability' is that wise?
    what if what their parents taught them as truth turns out to be false 'a lie?
    i think religion has a whole has caused great damage to marriage because it causes division among people.
    marriage is about people coming together not apart.....if 2 people love each other and want to become one' but yet both believe in a different religion' then that causes a conflict doesnt it?
    parents will do their best to stop their daughter from diverting away from the religion they were brought up to believe in and stick to.
    imagine the stress and unhappiness that woman will feel?
    and all because of religion.
    it is no wonder many people choose to believe there is no god because they reason that if religion is based on god' why does that religion cause so much conflict and unhappiness?
    the religion parents choose to raise their family in is very important because parents have to be 100% sure that it is the true religion so that at the conclusion there will be a cause for rejoicing for the kids and the parents because they made the right choice.
    but if it turns out to be the wrong choice'then the result will be the opposite of rejoicing and happiness.
    people must be brave enough to question what the majority accept and say is right for them and their families.
    afterall what parent does things on behalf of their families for anything except because they want them to be happy?
    marrieage yes is a blessing and is reason to rejoice but religion is more important because it promises hope for those that believe and remain faithful.
    but you have to be absolutely sure that what you are putting your trust in is actually true.
    otherwise you are heading for disapointment and letdown.
    and for a whole nation to be unhappy because what they all believed in turned out to be false would be heartbreaking.
    therefore to question i think is wise..because in asking questions one gets a reply and in seeking we find.

  4. #4
    iced bun is offline Just in!
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    Re: mixed marrieages in britain...do you approve?

    Quote Originally Posted by iced bun
    ricky
    hi and thank you for your full and honest response.

    basically i understand that religion and fear of being rejected by ones parents friends' causes many to live a life in which i assume they are not truly happy.
    and the reason i say that is because all humans are born with the right to choose what they believe is good for them.
    i respect the decision asian parents make on behalf of their children' but for argument sake' what if a asian girl or boy decides they want to question what their parents tell them is right?
    what happens then?
    do the parents resort to beating or shout at their children?
    ricky' did you except completely what your parents taught you in terms of religion?
    or did you ask questions and seek out for yourself if your religion is actually false?
    and if it is false' where can the true religion or god be found?
    i think that when a person is brave enough to question things they often find that what they are being taught is not actually true and then in some cases the child feels upset and confused.
    this is why i believe that asian culture needs to look at itself and ask the question ' are what we are doing producing happiness?
    my answer to that question would be no.
    i realise now that if i as a black british man wanted to marry a asian british born woman' i would have to accept the religion her parents taught her to accept as the only true religion.
    and what if i had the courage to question her religion and even say that i dont believe in it?
    would that not cause conflict and even offence and fear?
    however if i just submitted myself without question or resistance' i would be accepted yes?
    but then would i being true to myself?
    this is why i say that many asians both men and women must be unhappy inside their hearts because all humans have the abilty to question and discern right from wrong but if they dont use that ability' is that wise?
    what if what their parents taught them as truth turns out to be false 'a lie?
    i think religion has a whole has caused great damage to marriage because it causes division among people.
    marriage is about people coming together not apart.....if 2 people love each other and want to become one' but yet both believe in a different religion' then that causes a conflict doesnt it?
    parents will do their best to stop their daughter from diverting away from the religion they were brought up to believe in and stick to.
    imagine the stress and unhappiness that woman will feel?
    and all because of religion.
    it is no wonder many people choose to believe there is no god because they reason that if religion is based on god' why does that religion cause so much conflict and unhappiness?
    the religion parents choose to raise their family in is very important because parents have to be 100% sure that it is the true religion so that at the conclusion there will be a cause for rejoicing for the kids and the parents because they made the right choice.
    but if it turns out to be the wrong choice'then the result will be the opposite of rejoicing and happiness.
    people must be brave enough to question what the majority accept and say is right for them and their families.
    afterall what parent does things on behalf of their families for anything except because they want them to be happy?
    marrieage yes is a blessing and is reason to rejoice but religion is more important because it promises hope for those that believe and remain faithful.
    but you have to be absolutely sure that what you are putting your trust in is actually true.
    otherwise you are heading for disapointment and letdown.
    and for a whole nation to be unhappy because what they all believed in turned out to be false would be heartbreaking.
    therefore to question i think is wise..because in asking questions one gets a reply and in seeking we find.
    Quote Originally Posted by Ricky
    Whatever you feel is absolutely OK.

    When a person get attracted to other than he is attracted to a personality but not a race / religion.
    Before going any further, we must understand working of Asian culture. Though I am being an Indian can talk about Indian perspective only so I may be wrong if it is about whole Asian.

    Its not that women find themselves as slaves, its just about particular culture, India is so diversified that a North Indian guy find South Indian people totally stranger, only thing which resembles in them left is being Indian. So woman are not slave everywhere.

    You have to put yourself in the shoe of a Indian parents whose girl want to marry a Non-Asian rather even an non-religion guy. For the sake of the happiness of their daughter, mostly wanted to allow them but further the Indian society is so closely knitted that there are very few chances of them later to be in society and with same respect as they have earlier. If a girl from one culture wants to go to other then those culture people will actually stand against because they all consider (as its from their own religion / culture) her as their daughter hence will never allow her leave and accept another culture, its against what they all are learning in their religion from ages.

    Even for a girl it is not easy, one side she might want to go with the one whom she likes but on the other hand, her roots.. her teachings shall not allow her, even if no one is stopping her, still will feel guilty as going against her culture / religion.

    One may think that its their own life.. nothing to do with others but .. why you forget that Humans are social creature, they must have to maintain balance. They just can't be so selfish.

    Personally, I too favour that one should be allowed to do whatever she/ he feels best for her but rules made through thousands of years always proof them worthy if really things happens like that... Man then remember .. that what they are taught is not just teaching but its to make life better.. their life better. (does it really make life better?)
    if it makes life better why are so many people unhappy and frustrated?
    yes religion gives hope for tommorow but what if tommorow comes and all you get is disapointment?
    doesnt that mean you have given so much in behalf of what you believed for nothing?

  5. #5
    Ricky is offline eTI Silver
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    Re: mixed marrieages in britain...do you approve?

    Hmm..

    See again, as I did last, before starting I want to tell you that I have seen more diversities is in culture than you could have. There are many factors behind it. What I observed every where basic human instincts are more or same less. According to their age, condition every child reacts basically same in every culture. So about teachings and then getting child upset, even sometimes going against parents is a common behaviour every where.

    Your views looks as if you feel that its all fault of parents and then religion. Well, I must say, parents always want their ward to be happy. They do what they find best. Every religion has their own teachings and if you try to find out the reason behind then you will find them all scientific so I can't favour you saying that religion is the cause of problem.
    If you want to marry a girl, then religion will not be a problem if girl is not too religious .. but surely her parents can ask once.

    You are advocating to move out of boundation of Religion but you forget the basic truth / fact that it is religion which binds us together as a HUMAN society. Without that we would be still in a society fear and disturbance.. Hope you got the point.

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