How to convince parents for intercaste marriage without hurting them ?

Hi,

Im 22 year old. Im in love with one guy, we both are at same age. we are in love since 6years. he is baniya an d i am a punjabi girl. few days ago his father came to know about our love, he is quite against for this and he has told my love that leave her otherwise i will kill both of you.. we dont want to leave each other and we both cant live without each other we tried not to talk but we are not able to do this. he is thinking of me alot.and i know when i will tell my parents he will be ready and there will be no problem from my side. we are not ready to against our parents and at the same time we never stop thinking of each other. we both are in damn love. plz help me how can we convince his father who is very rude and his prestigious is more important than his son happiness please suggest what step to take and how to live together with our parents.......

You can't do anything, it is your love who need to convince his parents. He need to find way to express his love's importance to his family. In my advice ask him to settle well, get some decent job / business, then I think he can present himself with more confidence to his family.

Hello angel sk,

Convincing your or his/her parents for love marriage with the person you love is a very common topic. Please visit the same forum and search the forum with keywords like "convince parents" or "how to convince parents". You will get many such similar stories. You can very well read those stories and the advices given to them and get an idea what your next step should be.


Meanwhile here are some links :

1) http://etalkindia.com/talk/love-frie...your-love.html

2) http://etalkindia.com/talk/love-frie...ting-them.html

3) http://etalkindia.com/talk/love-frie...g-settled.html



Also, try to find out the exact reason as to why his father is against this relationship. Tell us the reason, we together will try to sort it out.

Thats a very well researched answer Pulkit, and he is right, you need to find what exact reason is there for his father being against this relation.

Im 22 year old. Im in love with one guy, we both are at same age. we are in love since 6years. he is baniya an d i am a punjabi girl. few days ago his father came to know about our love, he is quite against for this and he has told my love that leave her otherwise i will kill both of you.. we dont want to leave each other and we both cant live without each other we tried not to talk but we are not able to do this. he is thinking of me alot.and i know when i will tell my parents he will be ready and there will be no problem from my side. we are not ready to against our parents and at the same time we never stop thinking of each other. we both are in damn love. plz help me how can we convince his father who is very rude and his prestigious is more important than his son happiness please suggest what step to take and how to live together with our parents.......

his father only reason for against this is that i am a punjabi thats it.. when god has created us as a human being then why we people make this differnce i dont knw

these all things will not work i told u na his father is very different his prestigious is more important than anything else.. yesterday he came to know that we are still talking on phone then hi slaped his son in front of many people now tell me what we i can do.. i decided not to call him becoz for me his lyf is more important than anything else...

Here is the difficulty 'convince'.
My experience is you cannot convince.
That is one of the very sad parts our culture. Many many parents are stubborn and will not discuss so there is no way to convince. Even after years of a beautiful fruitful marriage my inlaws refused to discuss and though I know they love me now, they will not accept me.

If you decide to you want to go ahead with love marriage then you have to know what you are prepared to do to love and serve his family or not. Once you know that then you should decide whether to get married based on what your love says.

finaly he said after 6 years that we have no future so we should move but i dont know what to do i am not able to understand whats going on.. rite now we are not talking to each other but i cant live without him...

Quote:

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Originally Posted by angel sk

these all things will not work i told u na his father is very different his prestigious is more important than anything else.. yesterday he came to know that we are still talking on phone then hi slaped his son in front of many people now tell me what we i can do.. i decided not to call him becoz for me his lyf is more important than anything else...

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Hello

See things are really difficult to handle here. If he slapped his son just for the reason that he is still in touch with you, then, it is definite that you have a huge battle to fight and win. Things are not simple in this case but still its not the time when you should back up. Try to understand, every parent has an initial resistance towards their son's or daughter's love relationship, but , that doesnt mean they will always reject the offer.

I don't think so, you being a punjabi is a problem here. What I feel is there is something else why he is putting down this offer. Did your boy friend speak to his parents about why they have rejected the offer?? If not, then there is no point in assuming things up that he rejected you because you are a punjabi. Instead, ask your boyfriend to sit with his father and patiently ask him to provide a valid, practical reason as to why he has rejected this relationship. Once you get to know the real reason behind it, you both can definitely work on it.

Moreover, if you being a punjabi is the sole reason of him putting down the relationship, then you both need to sit and talk to his father about this. You need to tell him that you both love each other alot and your relationship is a very mature one. You need to tell him that your decision to marry to each other is driven not by temporary emotions but is a result of a deep thoughtful process. You need to make him feel that you are the best one for his son and its not just his son you want to be with, you want to be the part of his family, you want to be his completely...you want to be known by his name.

Also, ask your boyfriend to get in touch with someone in the family, whom he thinks he is close to..may be his elder brother or sister or the best could be his mother and tell him/her the complete matter and try to convince him/her. Once he has someone in his family to support him, to be with him, it won't be a difficulty for him to convince his father.

Also, its time when you should speak about this relationship at your home and declare things to your family members. Get in touch with someone whom you are close to, like, brother or sister (preferably, elder) and tell him about your relationship. Once you are able to convince him/her, you can then target your mother next. Speak to your mother and tell her about everything and then later try to convince your father or whomsoever you feel is hardest to convince.

Once your family has given the acceptance to this relationship, things will be easy on the other side and you both will easily be able to convince his family.

thanks for your advice..
but this will not work becoz his father will not listen anything he has not even asked his son what he wants he has imposed his decision that he should leave me... n if his father has decided anything then no one can convince him even not his mother so talking to anyone n his family will not work :(

Hi,

There is just one thing that I would like to tell you here, there is a lot of difference in presuming things and doing them actually. Its just a matter of couple of minutes that you have to sit with him and try to convince him once. If you love him truly, have a bit faith in yourself, a bit faith in God and a bit faith in your destiny, at least give it a try.
What say, if things work out in your favor ?? Neither you nor I have seen the future, we can only do our bit, rest you can leave to god. But at least, the iron is hot, give it a try.
Gather all your courage and hit it hard. I dont want you to regret later saying, I could have tried it once, there were chances things could have worked out but now its all gone.

So, my advice to you would be to give it a shot and see what happens. If the result is very very bad, leave him at once for your relationship wont be working out. But if you see some positive response, you can think of taking it further.

This is all I got to say, rest is upto you.
Please feel free to contact.

I went to see my inlays and had to sit with them on my own for them to tell me why I should leave their son alone. I tried to discuss with them but it was hard to find the words, I was young.

I left their house and travelled to my parents far away. Later I phoned my then fiancé to tell him they wanted me to just leave him alone, and that I was happy to do that. That he should forget me as they were not going to agree. He travelled 48 hours on trains, hitching and sleeping rough to talk to me in person and say NO we are meant to be together.

You have to give things a try and see what happens. Life cannot go wrong by trying. As Pulkit says you have to try it once and may be again and again. Until You know for sure what is going on.