Love: We want to marry with parents conscent (both software engineers)

i am 25 years old guy and in a relationship. I work as Software engineer in a leading IT company. i draw a descent 7 fig annual income. Me and my girl friend are in relationship since last 7 years. It started from college, we were class mates back then and is continuing now . She too works in an IT company and earns a good salary. we both are brahmins. I spoke about my relationship to my parents and was able to convince them about it. She was scared intially as she wanted to settle down. Now that she settled down, 2 years back she spoke about me to her parents. Her parents were furious for i do not know what reason. They were looking for proposals for her. I asked my parents to send them a letter with horoscope details provided. her parents recieved the letter and they said first that guy is not nice(i had sent a photo as well). Then they took her to all astrologers and they all said in front of her that she would not be happy if she marries me there will be fights and lot of fights and you would end up in divorce.


I asked my parents to call her parents... My mom spoke to her mom and her mom spoke in a polite way that this relation would not work out cos of horoscope and all the problems.


I feel her parents are too much concerned about her. Next time she went to home, she insisted again at that time there was a big fight in her home. they scolded her. She used to cry telling me all this over phone. I tried to support her. By now they made her see a guy however she refused just in time else they would have got her engaged.


My parents were ok with my relationship but they wanted a proper dialogue to happen. But since the pressure was mounting, I asked my parents to call again to tell that they are ready to come down to her place. it was difficult to convince my parents but managed it some how. they called her parents and her dad screamed on top of his voice to my dad. they disconnected the call. My parents later said they are not furious over it but until they dont intitate we moving ahead does not make sense.


A year passed by. and things went on happening this way.
Now her parents have said that she need not come home. They are not even calling her.


We both like each other. But cos of these situations, things are not proper between us too....


One other reason for her parents to dislike is i am 6 months younger than her. They feel i may leave her and marry some one else.


yesterday her parents are like.. We would get you married by 5 months.


I have tried speaking to her mom, Her mom says speak to her dad.
Her dad says do not ever call me. else he would call police.




We like each other, I do not want to run away and marry.
My parents are like its better if her parents and them have a proper dialogue.


I have tried asking one of her relatives to speak to her parents about us. But her parents are in no mood to listen to anyone.


What should we do now.

Hi navneet87,

Firstly, my appologize for this delayed reply.


Well, by now things might be clear in your mind as to what approach her parents have and how badly are they discouraging your relationship with her.
Frankly speaking, this is the sort of limit that you have reached and if her parents are adamant on not marrying you to her, then I don't think so they will ever agree to it.

What to do now ??
Well, there are two ways, which one to choose depends on both of you. I don't think so you will appreciate the idea of sticking to this relationship for long and fighting with her parents and finally ending up to nothing. You can infact do this, but dear friend everything has a defined limit attached to it. You just cannot drag it for the whole of your life hoping that things will change someday.

First what you can do is call the relationship off. I understand, its not easy as it sounds but this is what perhaps destiny wants from you. Think it practically, its been over an year since you guys are constantly trying to convince your parents. The elders are also involved in this but no result has come out of it. Everything has ended badly on the side of your girlfriend. Her parents are not talking to her, she is going through a mental disbalance right now. All you can do is set her free from you. I realize it will be very hurting for you but think, on a long run it might be helpful.
Try to understand, whatever happened with you is just as natural and its not only you who is facing this "convincing parents" problem, there are many. Love is something which is unpredictable - it happens on its own and ends on its own. Remember time is the best healer and you both will surely forget all this with time. All you need to do is gather this courage, talk about this to your girl and explain her the practical aspects of being in a relationship. This is one of the solution to it though hard to justify.


Second would be that you talk to your girl in detail about this. Tell her that you and your parents are happy with this relationship and if she agrees she can marry you compromising from the parent's side. Realize the deapth of this, she is the one who got scolded, who cried, whose parents are neither understanding her nor is she getting what she ever loved. Right now she needs someone to hold her tight. Anyway she has to compromise from one end. If she marries to you, she will be going against her parent's will. If she breaks-off and marries the person of her parent's choice, she will eventually be unhappy for her entire life.
But if she marries you atleast she will be happy on the point that she has someone to completely depend upon. Moreover your parents are happy with this relationship and I am pretty sure they will treat her as their own daughter. So, on the whole even if she leaves her parents and marry you, there will be some relaxation for her.



I understand navneet87 whatever I said here is contrary to each other. But life has put you both stand on a point where you have to make a choice. In any and every case compromises will be done and either one of you will have to accept those. The idea here is to choose a way which will proove to be less hurting for both of you.
Before taking a step in any direction, talk, discuss, communicate with your girlfriend and parents and try to set a common opinion about it. Do it only when everybody agrees to it and is in a position to compromise. Don't push your decision on your girlfriend and end up being called a cheater.


If you feel its hard for you to take a decision based on above two points, you can continue with your efforts trying to convince her parents for the marriage. No marriage will happen without her consent. Things will happen only if she will agree. So, you both can continue trying to convince the parents for the marriage. You both are young and 25-26 years is not a high age that you should worry about. May be, thing might change in coming future. Seeing your constant efforts to convince, her parents might melt down to agree to your marriage with her.
Honestly speaking, it will take a lot of time. You might have to drag all this for yet another year or so until her parents seariously thinks about her marriage being delayed and compels to agree to your proposal.


The choice is in your hands to make...!!! Take a wise decision where you both are hurted less...!!!


If I would have been at your place I would have not given up trying to convince her parents for the marriage until things would have turned worse. My next step would be the girl's call, whatever she would want.