Confusion and Dilemma in relationship-kounder and he is a brahmin

Hi friends,

I was trying to find a solution when i came across this site. I am a calm , less expressive , "always trying to satisfy others "kind of a person.When i finished my schooling and joined college , guys where glamorous. i ended up being in relationship with a guy for 3 years but at the end , the relationship became complex ( he became dominant , suppressing me , treated me as if i am a bit inferior to him ) . A day came when he spoke of my parents very rudely and with the support of good friends , i broke up. The main reason for me to stick on to him was we ended up having intercourse.But i was not able to tolerate the suppression and ill treatment that i came out of the relationship. But then i started having all the guilty feeling of betraying parents , i lost interest in life. I started accepting to any alliance they saw for me mainly because i felt am not worth choosing anyone for myself. A year passed and i lost my self confidence totally - i slept a lot , at a lot , spend time alone a lot. Parents where involved in many things ( taking care of old ones , family problems etc ). Part of me wanted to better myself while other half always kept me in low self esteem.
And then one fine day , i met a person in a conference who talked to me out of curiosity ( we had to stick on the whole day in the conference ) . It was different because all these days i never talked to any guys or i avoided talking. But him , i found myself talking . And we became good friends after that . Months rolled and he was motivating me always .I was getting more confident and felt that life is much more than what i imagined. I started walking, moving out often , going with friends, Doing social activities. And eventually after months of being together , getting to know each other , he proposed. And i was not surprised because i wished that should happen. we agreed upon trust , self respect and honesty as most important in relationship and till today we stick on to it.


The problem is , my parents are kounder and he is a brahmin . My parents are not even ready to consider this as relationship 1) he is a brahmin whom they can never accept 2) his education is lower than mine 3) relationship lss than year can never be true love 4) their circle will never accept it and it hurts their prestige as they where searching for alliance for a year

ryt now they think its not a big deal to forget and move on. Am afraid to feel depressed once again.My guilt of hurting parents tortures me and the fear of living in regret for not marrying him also is pondering me. He is ready to wait as long as possible . though his parents are ok with his decision , unless my parents at least accept it , they are not ready to come and talk. Now am confused. Am confused about the entire system of marriage. He understands and is not forcing me to do anything against my parents. But am feeling struck and lost. vryone loves me so much and am feeling helpless. can anyone suggest something pleas

Hi ramblingrose,

Welcome to the forum...!!!

Very less it happens that you come across a person who shares the same wavelength as you and rare it happens that you get him/her as your better half.

All through you life you have seen ups and downs. The reason for you to feel low self-esteemed is what i consider, baseless. Just because you were involved in a physical relationship with a person doesn't qualify a reason for which you should feel low. Try to understand everything that happened was call of time and everything's that happening now is again pre-destined. There is nothing that you can do but since we don't know what is destined for us, we try to make things happen according to us.


Putting the destiny aside, lets concentrate on what you should do.
Basically your parents are very well aware of your present and past situation and how low self-esteemed and low confident you were couple of months ago. Considering this as our main asset we can try to convince them.

1) Regarding caste issue that he is brahmin and you are kounder all you can do is try to convince them on the fact that caste difference is something long gone from Indian culture. Now there are intercaste marriages happening between people from all walks of life. The basic element for a marriage to be successful alliance is respect and understanding, which ofcourse cannot be guaranteed until and unless YOU know the person you going to married to, inside-out. Moreover, how can one guarantee that a guy belonging to same caste will be genuine enough to be dedicated to you for his entire life.
Moreover the person you are in love with is someone whom you know well. It doesn't need a rocket science to judge a person that only a person as elder as your parents can only do.
Make them understand, he is the one who has helped you out to gain confidence back in you and you feel yourself complete with him. Explain to them all that you find gold in him and makes you fall for him everytime you think about him. Let them know how much respect both of them have for each other.

2) his education is lower than mine can be a critical issue here but not much to qualify as a reason for them to reject the match. Let them know its actually genuinely not needed for a person too be highly educated and scholar to get married to you. Make them understand, you wish to spend your life with a person who loves you. respect you, understand you as a wife and for all these things to happen, education is nowhere necessary. Moreover, howsoever highly educated a person is, in today's world and growing economies its howsoever a necessity for both the individuals to earn to support their livelihood. As far as he is earning well, you needn't need to bother about his education qualification.

** Education qualification will be neglected if you are able to convince your parents on other issues**

3)relationship lss than year can never be true love is definitely not a reason to make such a claim. If they think that a relationship at least a year long can only qualify as true love, then make them realize you booth are ready to wait for some more months. Make you parents understand that , you have known him, his parents and his family background to your full satisfaction and now you consider yourself to be a part of their family.

4) their circle will never accept it and it hurts their prestige as they where searching for alliance for a year You really feel honored and lucky to have parents who care for you so much and if there is anything that you can do for him, it will really be a moment of pride for you. They have been searching match for you from so long for which you are really thankful to them but its your life and you can marry only with the person whom you consider worth enough you.

Apart from this, you can also involve your man and his parents in this matter to initiate a talk with your parents from their own end. When everybody's wanting it to happen they why should it be delayed.

Sometimes parents don't understand our decisions and consider them to be kiddish, especially in case of marriages. So, you can arrange a meeting between both the families and allow the elders to talk to each other and decide your destiny.

Do keep us informed about your relationship...!!!