i m 23yr old girl and done with my mbbs..i always wanted to lead a single life totally dedicated to service of the people without any family life...that was my all time dream..but now my best friend whom i hav known for 6-7yrs proposed me..i really love him and we get along really well but never thought of him as life partner...i am totally confused..if i say yes i would be compromisimg my dreams..if i say no i would be losing a very important person i my life...plz help!!
Hi umamahi,
I really don't know what makes you come to a decision of leading your life single and alone. Having a partner in life, what I personally feel, is important. The feeling of being some one's property, loved and pampered by someone special is awesome. Definitely this involves some risks.... risk like what if you choose a wrong person in life, risk of whether or not will your relationship work out etc. But things like love are truly vague. It happens naturally that all of a sudden you fall for someone and suddenly that someone becomes as important as life for you.
But here, you have completely different views perhaps. A dream of serving people throughout your life, helping them by staying single. I really respect your decision of not getting married to any person or get in a relationship for the sake of serving humanity better. I also respect your dream and appreciate how determined you are in achieving that. And that is why I just want to say, if you are really so much determined on your decision of never ever getting married to someone, then its better to be honest and say the exact truth to him. I am saying this because a person like you who is so much adamant on his decisions, so determined on his dreams...will perhaps never be able to justify himself/herself in a relationship.
I seriously advice you to say NO to him. Tell him that even if you try to get into a relationship with him, you will never be able to justify your role as an ideal and good wife because for you your career, your dream will always be a priority and at some point in time this will definitely create a problem for him. So, you want him to just let his feelings go off, stop expecting anything from you because you have nothing to give him more than a hand of your friendship and if even that doesn't works, you and he can part ways.
I am saying all this to you because if you get in a relationship, you will set some expectation levels for him ( which can be anything depending on how he takes you ) and you will perhaps, never be able to meet those. So, its better not to hurt someone's feeling and shatter him completely by giving him false hope about you and love when you actually don't mean it.
Tell him that you are really thankful to him for loving you and that you will never forget him as the person who loved you so much. But just because he was never a priority and that you never had any feelings for him, you cannot accept his proposal.
I believe you are mature enough to think and take a wise decision. Certainly, you have no right s to play with someone's emotions and hurt them deeply someday. Stick to yourself and your life. Love only and only when you are sure that you will be able to justify yourself in a relationship, else it will be a waste.
This is what I have to say. Looking forward for your feedback.
Hey umamahi,
If you really like him give him some time don't say yes immediately, test his love for a month teo month and give some time to you also for this. In this period you will get a loyal life partner as well you will get time to think what to do. Keep control on your emotions for better life be practical and go ahead.
I hope this will work for you, give some time its will beneficial for both of you and all the best.
If you like my thought, please reply.:).
My best wishes are with you....
I am super happy to know that there are people in this world who still believe in changing the world around themselves, I completely support and respect your decision to serve the society, yes I do, because I haven't found any such persons like you around myself who are willing to dedicate their life to the social cause and it is really good to hear that a doctor has a dream to keep India healthy and fit to make it super power one day..Quote:
Originally Posted by umamahi
I loved your determination and will of doing whatever it takes and not compromising for your dream, I can suggest you one thing, though he has proposed you, you don't rush out for making a decision, you say you love him, but you don't want to compromise with your dreams, it is good, you can test the guy for a month or two or till time you think it is fit to test him, and once you get satisfied with the results you may then think of taking a decision.
But for now I might suggest you to go and communicate to your partner about your dreams and your willingness to serve for the betterment of the society and have a clear talk about your intentions for the same, if he supports you and tells you that he is ready to go with your decision, test him with different situations, and then decide, but for now, I think it is the right time to communicate with your friend about your intentions, and also your approach to serve for the society, and clearly tell him, if you decide to marry to him in future too, you will not compromise either way with your dream and if he is ready to support you and ready to take every risk possible, then you may think on the matter of his proposal.