Help me to convince parents and brother without hurting much..

Hi all,
Im a 22 yr old grl in luv with my soulmate .Our luv is now 4yrs old.. I read Pulkit’s article and found dat v did almost all wt he has mentioned, with my man’s family, except d last phase of disclosing our luv to his parents.His family members really lik me a lot and dey never forget to invite me fr important occassions dat happen in their family.He has an elder sis who is yet to get married, aftr which, v guess things wil be easy to handle in his side..The difficulty will be in my side. An incident dat hapned 4yrs ago is d reason fr dis difficulty.My bro read my conversation wit my man(who ws jus a best frnd of mine den).Dat very conversation itself made my bro and mom mistake our frndshp and der ws a huge prob at home aftr wch i ws pushed to a situation to stop contacting him..but v couldnt do it more dan 3 days..so our frndshp continued and eventually turned into luv.he s not jus a lover to me.Rit frm d day v wer committed i m finding a different and more of a responsible man in him.he says he misses me a lot but he spends more time in work and plannin to build his career in a betr way.he has a gud plan of things to do b4 our marriage and gettin himself settled so dat my parents wil understand dat i ll really be happy wit him aftr marriage.i can see a gud husband in him now itself.he takes a lot of financial risks frm d money dat he has earned to do MS abroad to get gud status and whenever i fight wit him fr not spendin more time with me, his answer wud be " aftr marriage i shudnt say NO to whatever u ask.. I want u to be always happy and i have to bring myself to a position wer i can afford to get u whatever u wish".He loves me a lot. Also my world is jus my parents and him.I cant even imagine or dream of livin wit someone else.One gud sign in my family is dat,all d marriages dat hapned in my family in our generation(that is, my cousins) are luv marriages and my dad and others told YES to al dose marriages and my family has mingled well wit d new comers too.So i have a hope dat my family members' mindset towards luv has changed a bit.But d prob is, my mom and bro already hate him and i fear hw i ll tel dem abt our luv :( i have hope dat my dad may frst oppose but den he ll accept coz he generally thinks practically and once he gets to kno abt my man, he ll understand dat my man is trustworthy enuf to get me married to him. How shud i deal wit my mom and bro? i m sure my bro wil nevr accept dis.Only aftr our marriage, when he himself experiences d gud qualities of my man, my bro wil accept him.I jus want to convince my mom without hurting her :( she ll definitely cry a lot..i need d courage plus I shudnt hurt parents too much . Pls help me ppl...!

Hi ashnu,


Basically, things are simple at your end and there is very little to worry about. Also, you are putting yourself in this mental tension a bit too early. Analyse, right now, you and your boyfriend are at a very tender age. Its okay that you are in love with each other and you infact, care about your relationship...which is good. But this is time when you should not worry about all this because of following reasons.

First, you guys are young and at an age which I feel should be dedicated in building a self identity of yours, building your career and getting a foot hold in life. Its good to know your boyfriend is working in that direction and you are supporting him too. But, this is not the time that you should think too much about your relationship. Love has happened to you both and things are going good. Hold on for sometime, you are not getting married now so that you start to take tensions about it. These things will be dealt with later.

Second, the guys family is ready and has shown a good response to your relationship with him. If they invite you in almost every of their family occasions and gathering, its quiet evident that they love you and won't feel any objection in accepting you as their daughter in-law.

Third, the good thing that you have mentioned about your family, that all the marriages that have happened lately very love marriage. This shows clearly that your family is open to intercaste love marriages and that happiness of kids are important to elders than old, deep rooted society customs and tradions. Moreover, your father, as you said will agree to your relationship sooner or later....which is good. Infact, he will because he has seen love marriages happenning lately in the family.

So, when everything is going good, you needn't need to bother too much. That incident you mentioned is already 4 years old and will get older by the time you will come close to your marriage. Understand a very basic point, parents need their daughters to be happy- financially, emotionally and socially with the person whom she is married to. Your boyfriend, seems to me a very genuine person, is already working in that direction to make your life worth living and I am sure he will succeed in it too.

So, just wait and give sometime to yourself and your relationship. Right now you are not getting married and so you shouldn't bother too much about your relationship and how to convince parents stuff. It seems that 80% of things are already done and in your favor. Once your father agrees to your choice, your mother will eventually agree to your relationship. Things will happen with time, don't worry.

Hi Anshu,
Pulkit has mentioned very correctly, this is not theright age for you to think about marriage, first thing you both should concentrate on is making your self identity, and as you said that you are invited by his family in each of their occassions, says that they like you and will be willingly accepting you as their daughter-in-law
Also the fact that your family has all the love marriages lately, says that your family is not biased on caste issues, and they are open minded apart from it the head of your family as far as you have said, that is your father, will be ready to accept your bf as son-in-law is also a positive sight worth seeing
all in all you have a very gokd future with your guy n chances of your narriage with him also seem to be very high, so i suggest you not to get too much tensed on marriage issue right now
let the time pass on concentrate on your career n enjoy the love and status you get from his family and try to strengthen the bond with them so that whenever the talk about marriage comes, the first person that comes as a suitable match in their mind for their son should be you, and they shod be the one initiating the topic at your home too...gud luck n concentrate on.your career first

Thanks Pulkit and Swapnilramani for your time spent and advice given.. I wud say, Yes we are actually in the process of building our career and getting a good hold in life.. i can understand dis is not d right age to worry abt marriage..Rit now i m dng my masters in engineering and i ve one more yr to go..immediately aftr i complete my mtech,parents wud start d topic of marriage..so v jus wanted to be prepared to face things a bit earlier..and dat ws wy i came up seeking help..both of ur advice are really valuable to us..v wud definitely concentrate on our career rit now.. and thanks for givin such positive comments abt his family acceptin me and my family acceptin our luv..dis itself is a gr8 relief..thanks..and Pulkit , even i expect things get forgotten as yrs pass..thank u so much both of u..!

You are welcome dear
And you may approach anytime again witg your issues we will try and help you...

Hi Pulkit and Swapnilramani..
Hope u r dng gr8 :) jus wanted to share a couple of best hrs of my life.. ok here it goes.. my mate's sis's engagement function.. and i ws invited personally by his sis :P God.. fr dis very invitation itself i ws thaatt happy :) guess wt hapned in d func ??! none of his other frenz wer invited ..!!! jus me :) i took a mutual frnd of ours wit me though...his family ws jus really sweet and they gave a really lot of importance to me dat day.. those two hrs.. i ws in heaven truely :) his brother-in-law actually has a heavy doubt on our relationship..he hapned to read a couple of our msgs d other day..and he has heard my man's frenz makin fun of him realating him wit me.. to everything his brother in law reacted in a pleasant way :) he often supports my man's decisions since dey wud always be matured.. on dis special day his brother in law really treated me lik a special guest and at d time of a grp foto he askd me to stand near my man :P like.. he ws really loud wen he told dis :) my man's sis ws also smiling and controllin her hubby frm shouting.. My God i jus dono hw to express things rit now..his mom, dad, elder sis, brother in law.. everyone treated me wit special care..his mom spent most of her time sittin wit me :) his dad came to us and askd.. who is ashnu in dis ? :) (he has met me jus once ) wow.. both of us wer really surprised :) my man is happy dat his dad wanted to kno abt me :) he told dat aftr i left d place , ppl told dat i had a cute behavior :) my God :) i m jus sooooo happy :) i didnt kno whom to share my happiness with.. it ws dat time wen d two of u came across my mind.. :) u ppl really mean a lot to us.. like.. u jus wish happiness to us and expect nothin in return.. i don believe normal ppl could do dis.. u have a blessed life :) such precious kind hearts .. so my heart said dis is wer i can c real response to advances in my relationship wit my man...:) wil keep writing to u guys even if u dont respond :P ( which wudnt happen i hope ..! ) thanks a lot... :) omg i havent said everythin dat hapned during d func (i ll write everythin but u may get bored..) so i m stopping wit dis.. :) thank u so much fr being such a gift wer i can jus share things without hesitating a bit.. :) thank u :)

well aanshu,
I am really happy that you got such aa special attention and you were treated as a centre of attraction by your may be in-laws.
Also, it feels great when some one specially mentions our name to share their happiness with, well aanshu you may share more details with me if you wish to and get connected with me personallyvif u wish to.....I shall P.m you my personal mail id and you may get ua P.m in the notifications section on top center of the page thanks for considering us a special place to share ua happiness with.....:)

Hi ashnu,


Well this is really good that his entire family has accepted you as their own part so gracefully.

I really wish you get what you deserve and what you want.

Yes, keep posting anything and everything about your developing relationship, life, day to day activities or almost any random thing you want to share. We are here not just for advising people but also becoming friends with them or a companion they can always count upon.

So, you are most welcome to share your thoughts and shoot any question on us.