Dating chidhood friend - but I don't like him though he is good and smart

I have thought this over many many times, but here i m again. I am dating this person who happens to be a childhood friend. Also for more clarity he is my second boyfriend. Before seeing him i was in a relationship for 5 years with a guy who i was really in love with , but it ended with a broken heart and also resulted in getting fired from my job becoz of emotional instability. So after getting fired i left the city altogether and moved to my home town. so now after eight months i have started dating my childhood friend who claims to be in love with me for years now. He is a nice, calm , intelligent and a sable guy ( in short he is everything that i m not ). The problem is that considering he is a nice person n also a childhood friend i said yes to him.. but gradually i discovered that he is an emotionally closed person , not at all romantic and a little insecure. on the hindsight he is a smart, talented, loyal guy and som1 who will give me a very secure , comfortable and easy life. Even after all this reality check i dont feel attracted to him..i dnt understand is it because i have recently broken up and he is emotionally closed? I dont know whether to break up with him or continue. I dnt wanna hurt him , plus my family also likes him a lot . Please help me ! :(

Hii Sharini,
Thanks for writing to us,
Well u said that your childhood friend is your second boyfriend n you recently had a breakup with ua bf with whom u had 5 yr relationship.....can u share the reason why u had brokeup with ua ex n what made u say yes the proposal of ua childhood friend, was it with the only reason out of desperation to have someone with u after having breakup or was it because you knew him from childhood, you recently had a breakup and then you decide to again commit with somebody else so early do u think it was a sensible decision if u didnt had any feelings for the friend of urs.
Whatever happened is gone, nw u say u dnt feel that u live ir current bf as he is emotionally closed, I think you should give this relationship some time and also discuss your expectations with ua bf openly as there is no question of keeping anything secret in a relationship.
As far as feeling insecure is concerned, it is quite natural, that ua current bf will feel insecure provided he has got u after so long wait n nw that he has finally managed to win ua heart, he may feel i aecure that he may not loose you again, try to make him understand that u may stay with him n not leave him n dat u too hav som expectations from him that you wish him to fulfill to make u happy as eventually it my help to strengthen your bond, and the problem of family will also not arise as they too like him, so I suggest you to giv some time for this relationship to strengthen and flourish, and let everything fall in its place as the time progresses, thinking of ending a relationship just because of a small fault is not sensible, everybody has some flaw as a human, try to find out good qualities about your man and try to convert every negatives into positive...or else you will just find urself getting committed n eventually breaking up with every other guy you meet....mutual discussion is the best way to convey ua feelings to someone

Hi Sharini,

Thank you for writing to us.


To me you sound more of a practical person, who listens more of her mind than heart. Its happens when your relationship with the one who you truly love, ends up suddenly. Most people on earth after their break up tend to behave exactly enough in the same way and count on their emotions less than on their brain work. This is perhaps the same case with you. Too much of emotional breakdown post your break up that now, you listen more of your mind than heart, think practically, analyse too much before reacting etc.

So, coming to the point. After too much of thinking and analyses of your childhood friend you have actually concluded the right things about him viz, he is nice, calm , intelligent and a sable and also everything that you are not. But in all this mental exercise you missed to weight his emotions and feelings for you which he might have been hiding from you for years. This is why you don't feel any emotions or romance in him because perhaps, you never tried to see those.

Don't get me wrong, I am not blaming you. Its all natural and it happens when you have just come out of a rotten emotional breakdown. I might be wrong as well. But, I am telling you whatever I felt from your problem statement plus my experiences in this field.

Its been just a few months since you guys are in a relationship which I personally feel is a very less time for a relationship to develop. Understand, it is your second relationship and hence you know the dynamics of being in a relationship. But for your childhood friend and now boyfriend, its the first time he has experienced what being in a relationship means and how it feels like. So, he is not wrong if he is not able to show his love and affection for you in a manner as you expect him to do. Perhaps you are actually judging him too early. This reality check and analyses should not be done now.

So, give your relationship sometime to develop properly. Give him sometime to feel comfortable in this relationship with you. Give him sometime to understand your needs and desires and frame his love accordingly. Give him sometime to showcase what feeling he has for you in a proper manner or may be, in a way you would like him to do.

Also, you have just come out of a bad phase of your life which has somewhere resulted in you shutting off your emotions for anyone, for a while. So, its better and advisable to give sometime to yourself too. Don't hurry too much in a relationship. Don't expect too much in such a small time from such a tender relationship. Understand, you are also a human being who needs time to relax, rebuild & reconstruct things around him and you also have a heart which has some emotions and needs love and affection.

So, just give sometime. Its perhaps too early to jump to a conclusion of ending everything just because you judged or rather misjudged someone. Love is a natural thing to happen. It demands time to develop and rest in your heart. You cannot force yourself to fall for someone. If its going to happen, it will with time.

Take a chill pill !!