Need help-Physically abused and defamed by boyfriend

Hi

I was in love with a guy for 5 years. In those 5 years he don't treat me well he use to do physical abuse and had a sexual relationship on compulsion. If i deny he threatens me by calling to my mom mobile. Hence I had a fear that if I break up he blackmail me that I had sex. So I was silent. Added to that he also sent a mess to one of his girl friend I love you. Wen i questioned on it he say that he will be like this only i should get adjusted with him and won change. Hence I decided to break with him. I broke with him on June 2012. From that moment he keeps on threating me that will kill me my parents will spoil my image and pull me to court stating that i had sexual relationship with him. He calls to my dad often and say that ur daughter is not a virgin if u want go and check with the doctor. Later I received a summon from family court that I had sex with him. Since i had sex with him I compelled him to marry ah. Hence marriage was happened between us on 15th June 2012 and i stayed with him for 5 days in home. Later my father took me away from him and made me house arrest since he don't like the inter caste marriage his only motto was to seperate. Marriage was consummated and it conveyed to all d frnds and relation of both the sides. Later since he was expecting that I will come back and also that not to spoil my fathers reputation he was silent. Also he sent some people to speak to my dad to convince him on 20 June 2013. But still my dad was adamant . He gt me bracelet and camera so oly things worth 200000 . Hence he request the court in seekin justice and to resume martial status with him. But all the above information which he mentioned in the notice was false I didnt get married to him. His main motto is to spoil my image and to make me that am nt a virgin so that no1 will marry me. My question is here what I can do further? I don't have interest in gettin into court as it spoil my image and divignity that too for a false case. Also shd I need to undergo virginity test in court . Kindly help me how to come out and to put him in jail . Kindly give suggestions ASAP I gt notice on Saturday.

Hi There,



Well, involving yourself in any sexual relationship should not be under influence of some external force or threat. Love is not just about getting physical or intimate with your partner. Sex is enjoyed best when it is clubbed with natural emotions and feeling of love and not with an attempt to satisfy one's physical urge.

If your partner was so much into establishing a physical relationship, you should have had moved out of that relationship long ago. All these threats that he made are all baseless and false. Nobody has the right to hamper your image in the society and anybody who tries to do that can be dragged to the court.

Considering the present situation all you should do is firstly cease all contacts with him. Block him on any and every networking sites; change your phone number if needed. Explain to him that whatsoever was between both of you is over and he should try to maintain some distance from you. Tell him not to contact you whatever the reason be and if he does you can always walk to the nearest police station and get him arrested.

Also, keep your family and friends informed that they should not entertain this guy and should not disclose any of your information or contact details to him.

First explain him politely. If he understands, well and good. If not, you can always involve local authorities.


Secondly, if you ever had a sexual relationship with him, you are definitely not virgin. In this case, forget all that had happened, accept the facts and move forward with grace. Loosing the virginity doesn't means the end of life. Neither its an entrance exam to be qualified for getting married. Its completely okay even if you are not virgin. You will definitely get married to some guy for whom your values and your love will be more important than your virginity. Preserving virginity is always a dignity but loosing it doesn't makes you any less wanted.

If you are still virgin, there is again nothing to worry about. No person can question you on your virginity or ask you to undergo a test to prove your worth. So, if everything is all right, take a chill pill.

For the next time, keep in mind to fall in love with a person who admires you as an individual and considers you beautiful, not hot.

Hi Pulikit,

Thanks for your suggestion. Will be so
Thankful to you and your forum for a quick response. I had explained politely many times past 1 and half years. Was being patiently considering his career and future was in a thought that he does in anger and he will realise it soon. But situation turned against me he filed a case on me in high court that I should resume my martial status with him. Police says that I can't give a complaint against him now since I got a summon from court. I should go directly and prove that am unmarried. Also he does al these things based upon a new law passed stating involving in premarital sex is considered as husband and wife. Even if they are not traditional married and registered. They are husband and wife should get divorce or permission from their partner to do a marriage. Until unless then neither of them can get married though it is not registered. On the condition that they should submit a documentary proof of their sexual contact. Now I doesn't know how to react. In my family and everyone thinks am a virgin. But he states in a petition that the marriage was consummated. This news spread along with the family and friends of both sides. I feel like to suicide for being like this and making my parents to worry. Like to run away to somewhere. Doesn't know how to deal. I don't hav interest to get into the court for the mistake which I did not do. Kindly help me.

Hi akshisiva2106,



Thank you for your response on this. Yes there is this judgement that was passed in Madras High Court that pre-marital sex will be considered as marriage and that if a couple wished to separate due to unavoidable circumstances, a legal re-marriage would not be possible without a decree of divorce from the partner.

So in any case, if he brings the matter to the court, things will come in fore front. All you can do is anyhow stop him from presenting a document as proof of your sexual relationship. Without such proof, he won't be able to file the case.

But you see, things are not that easy and I'm afraid if anybody here can help you out on this.

I would seriously suggest you to consult a lawyer because he is the one who knows all laws and petition and will be able to help you out best. He will be only able to tell you as what kind of sexual proof the court requires, what are the prerequisites in filing this case, if the law passed is complete and applied all over India or if it has any loopholes and how can you file in for a divorce etc. All these will be explained to you by a lawyer.

So, consult a lawyer on immediate basis. Take help from your friends, if you need. I would like this matter to sort out before it reaches to your parents. Gather some of your friends who can talk to him and convince him not to go with the court thing and if not, can help you out with the legal stuff.

I don't know how to proceed further. Except to die for loving such a guy

I don't know how this law will be considered equal to marriage. If a person been threatened or by without their knowledge like giving them some drugs and if they made to involve in sex. But If that girl doers knew what has happen last night due to an intake of drugs. Suddenly if her boy friend states this law and complaint in a court. Is she should be punished for involving in a prem atrial sex by getting divorce from her boy friend. Or is he should be punished for giving her drugs and spoiling her life. So it states for the sake of a mistake happened one day person should accept them as their partner though thAt partner be a cruel one. Also if man has sexual contact with two or more people. If all them raise a complaint against him is they al be considered as his wife since they had pre marital sex by thrusting that guy. Also sexual workers can raise a complaint on all right if they come to know that the person is having pre martial sex. There are much questions and doubts raises . Let's hope for the best justice. Do pray for me. Thanks

Hi,



Ofcourse this should not be the case. There are many loop holes in this, some of which you have already stated. When that judgement was given, the case and the situation was different. That is why I advised you to consult a lawyer because he can only draft things in your favour. If there is any way out, its a lawyer who is going to tell you. Its always better to fight a legal matter in legal terms. They have there own language, terminologies etc best understood by them. We don't want to give you any wrong information, so consult a lawyer for best solution.

What is all this mess ?

She said :

Quote:

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Later I received a summon from family court that I had sex with him. Since i had sex with him I compelled him to marry ah. Hence marriage was happened between us on 15th June 2012 and i stayed with him for 5 days in home

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So, you both were married since he sent you court notice.. and by order of court you both married, both families were involved.

Then she says:

Quote:

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He gt me bracelet and camera so oly things worth 200000 . Hence he request the court in seekin justice and to resume martial status with him. But all the above information which he mentioned in the notice was false I didnt get married to him.

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So all information he gave was false and actually you never got married to him ?



And for the sake of God, how can one marry you against your will ? Even if you had physical relation with him, I don't think there is even any logic which makes it marriage, how can be there one such law ? Fundamental Rights of human also mention that has liberty to live anyway they want , no one can force anyone, even into marriage against will. Marriage is not just about being physical, its about being together and compatible.

There is hell lot of confusion here and I don't understand that even now you think your father is not completely informed about real situation ? It is high time, go and talk to your father and explain everything clearly and apologise for your mistake. When he is well-informed then he can take right action, including a lawyer too.

Yeah I got a lawyer need to consult with them. Moreover he is not such a good character to live a life with him. If a person loved truly he wouldn't have behaved like this.

also I don't understand that a girl and boy love so truly. Indulge in sexual activities etc. later one of the partner becomes cruel due to some bad friendship. She decides to breakup because of her character. Then if he threatens his gf since had pre martial sex I we doesn't love him he will file a case on her and also he compels her to be a sexual worker. In kind of this case what kind of judgement should be given that she should marry him only for the sake of sex. Or since she did that mistake is she should come to the court prove he is wrong. Later bcoz of her mistake is she needs to spoil her reputation to the public.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by [email protected]

also I don't understand that a girl and boy love so truly. Indulge in sexual activities etc. later one of the partner becomes cruel due to some bad friendship. She decides to breakup because of her character. Then if he threatens his gf since had pre martial sex I we doesn't love him he will file a case on her and also he compels her to be a sexual worker. In kind of this case what kind of judgement should be given that she should marry him only for the sake of sex. Or since she did that mistake is she should come to the court prove he is wrong. Later bcoz of her mistake is she needs to spoil her reputation to the public.

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Hi akshisiva2106,


No, its not like that. Let your case come to the court. Citing your complete disagreement to spend your life with him, I believe, the court will rule out with the marriage. The law that has bind you in this has so much of loop-holes and I am not sure how this kind of a law can even be applied in a dynamic society as of India.

That is why, I had asked you to consult a lawyer. Whatever questions you have in here, its better to direct them all to the lawyer. He will understand your situation better and that will help him frame the briefing.