Fathers behaviour - Discussing about my mother's extra marital affair

Hi I stay in metro city in Maharashtra India and doing a job. My parents stay in a town 400km away, so i visit them once in a month on weekends. During my last visit in previous month, my father told me that he wanted discuss something personal with me. So one evening we sat in terrace for discussion and he started telling me about my mom and her affair when i was in school/college. This was something strange/unexpected for me and after listening for sometime i asked him to stop. I was unable to respond him and i left from there. I am confused how to take this topic further. Should i discuss it with father and listen to him or ignore it. Please advise.

I think you should talk to your father, listen to him. May it is burning inside him from long, you need to relieve him from that feeling. However, after listening to all, I suggest you that don't talk to mother about it rather console your father that it was past and and help him to move over.
I hope you understand what I am saying.

To tell you about my family, its very traditional and from small town. may be 20 years before ladies in our faqmily were not allowed to go out except for some function.
After I started going to school, mom started to go out to drop me in school. Apart from that she used to go to that family friends house mostly on sunday evening and sometimes on weekdays in evening.
And after my admission to graduation she started traveling to Mumbai. that was after 2000. But overall she is simple, traditional lady (after and before marriage) and well respected in family. Her family (moms brother) is also very simple and from small village.
Whatever dad is refering to is somewhere in late 90s i.e.after 1998. Being in such traditional family and small village, I wonder if she can think of doing such things.
And as its small town, if you do small thing it will come to know to many people.
Thats why i was not in a position to listen it and stopped him there itself.

Hi pmandy,


Two cents from me :

I second Aarish on this. Your father is telling you all this because somewhere it is "burning" within him. He is not asking you to judge your mother in anyway. He just wants you to know about it, may be because lately this things might be affecting him somehow. So, I suggest you should just listen to it and dissolve it within you without making any judgments about your mother or without discussing it with her.

If you feel your father has misunderstood something about your mother, tell him not to think about it further because your mother is a nice woman. Moreover, things like this happened back in 1998 and do not exist now. Ask your father to let it go off from his mind as soon as possible because this holds no meaning now. Even if she had an affair, she doesn't have it now. Feel good about it that she is dedicated to your family.

Listen, understand, console and support your father and forget it. That's it !!

Moreover without listening or knowing all thing how can you understand the situation. Tell him that you want to discuss thing with peace soon.

Thanks for replying. During our discussion dad told that he saw mom recently talking to that person somewhere in town, and i think it made him to start thinking on it again. During our short discussion what he told me is as below:
1. The person he was referring is my uncles friend. He got introduced to our family because of my uncle. After uncle got transferred to other town also, because of job, he was very good with our family, as i know
2. He used to come at home frequently when nobody was there at our home and that time dad came to know about it. Once for continuous three days he visited home in morning and he was there at home for 1-2 hrs and our neighbors also surprised with it. That time there was some fight between mom and dad which I didnt know. It happened when i was in college, as per dad
3. Also sometimes mom used to go to family friends home mostly on sunday evenings. This is true as i used to go with her sometimes. But as per dad, sometimes till late evening she did not use to return home, so once dad went to see her as it was dark outside and she was seen with that person talking somewhere on a lonely road. She used to go alone that time. This happened several times but other times not dad, but some people in town has seen her talking to him.
After listening these 2-3 points i asked dad to stop as i was not in a position to listen further and left from there. I dont think there was intention to get closer to me. But as per him he has seen them recently somewhere just talking somewhere and think it made him to share it. Dont understand if it is his guesses. I did not discuss it further. Should i do it and will i get that courage to listen everything?

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by pmandy

Thanks for replying. During our discussion dad told that he saw mom recently talking to that person somewhere in town, and i think it made him to start thinking on it again. During our short discussion what he told me is as below:
1. The person he was referring is my uncles friend. He got introduced to our family because of my uncle. After uncle got transferred to other town also, because of job, he was very good with our family, as i know
2. He used to come at home frequently when nobody was there at our home and that time dad came to know about it. Once for continuous three days he visited home in morning and he was there at home for 1-2 hrs and our neighbors also surprised with it. That time there was some fight between mom and dad which I didnt know. It happened when i was in college, as per dad
3. Also sometimes mom used to go to family friends home mostly on sunday evenings. This is true as i used to go with her sometimes. But as per dad, sometimes till late evening she did not use to return home, so once dad went to see her as it was dark outside and she was seen with that person talking somewhere on a lonely road. She used to go alone that time. This happened several times but other times not dad, but some people in town has seen her talking to him.
After listening these 2-3 points i asked dad to stop as i was not in a position to listen further and left from there. I dont think there was intention to get closer to me. But as per him he has seen them recently somewhere just talking somewhere and think it made him to share it. Dont understand if it is his guesses. I did not discuss it further. Should i do it and will i get that courage to listen everything?

---

Hi,

Well, I suggest you should listen further to your dad. Nowhere from these points, I am able to make any conclusions about an extra marital affair of your mother. All these are based out of assumptions mostly. Except for the point where your father saw your mother meeting this person on some "lonely road", nowhere else your father could see them together alone.

In the first place, I would assume that this person, being an acquaintance to your family might have seen your mother returning home and he stopped by to have a casual talk when your father saw them together. Though there seems no valid reason for him paying off frequent visits to your home, but that also doesn't give me a reason enough to point a finger on your mother. In a way, no incidents mentioned here gives the clear picture of the situation.

So, atleast listen to what your dad has to say to you and you can come up to us. We will help you out in every possible way.

I am sharing the things told by dad in our discussions. I told earlier too. He person got introduced to us as he was y uncles friend. So he used to come at home when uncle was there. After uncle shifted to some other town due to job, sometimes he used to come. But then he started coming home when nobody was there at home except mom. Once he came continuously 3 days in morning after dad left home for work. And he used spent 2 hours in morning at home for those 3 days daily. Dad came to know about it. So he asked mom and mom accepted that he came. So asked her reason. But her answer was 'I dont know why he comes, he comes, sit and chat'. So dad asked her to tell him not to come. So she told 'why should i tell. Let him come'. It made dad angry and there was some issue between them. After that once she went to family friends home, she did not return till 7:15. So worried dad went to see her as it was dark and found them chatting on the way on one lonely road. He came to know that they chat there several times. Now also they were seen somewhere talking to each other couple of times. I dont know what made him to share those things.

The subject line of this post is not given by me. When i posted it i just gave subject 'Fathers behavior'. Because I think its dad's misunderstanding and initially i told him same thing. But later when he gave me past details, i felt bad and asked dad to stp the discussions. Tilll that time he told me so many things.

भाई , हैं कि खुलकर पिताजी से बात करो , पूरी बात समझो फिर सोचो कि करना क्या है , हो सकता है कि उनको ग़लतफ़हमी हो जो तुम दूर कर सको पर पूरी बात जाने बिना तुम क्या कर सकते हो ?