Mine is One sided Love. My love still cant get over her ex

Well, Confused I am a lil bit. But I know I need to wait for time. Here is my story.

I and this girl (Jemshira) have been friends for over 2 years now. We both look so well together that when somebody sees us together, the 1st impression that they make out is if we are a pair. But she is a Muslim and I am a Hindu. She was in love with some Muslim guy (Ajmal) for 2 years (n still loving him) but they couldnt marry each other. This girl was in love with him but she couldnt dare to ask her parents out regarding the boy. The boy got engaged with some other girl a year ago and recently 2 months back, He got married to that girl. Now This girl Ariba was in a shock that her boyfriend got engaged. Ever Since that time, she had been crying over the matter. And I was her best friend so she used to share me every little feeling she felt about him. I was there with her almost everyday for sometime to listen all her sorrows and always tried her to pacify her so that she could come out of the depression. We eventually got attracted to each other. She started depending on me and I too liked her. Few months passed by, and we started holding hands, hugging, kissing each other. She always used to tell me that she was physically close to me just becoz she missed Ajmal. She always tried to make herself strong by being far from hugging or kissing me. No matter how much she tried, one of us has always had started the hugging and holding hands. Months passed by, Now we got very close to each other that one can say that we are in a relationship.
Actually, we work in the same project in the same company. This gave us chance to meet everyday and spend lots n lots of time together. Recently, I got relieved from the project and I got into other project. At that time, she could feel the pain of missing and she asked me that I should meet her everday. By the time this all things happened, I realised that I was in love with her. I was not interested to get relieved from the project as I will be missing her. Soon, I took her to a candle light dinner, where she couldnt resist hugging me for long long time. Then I proposed her. She was not surprised but she was not happy too. Her actions revealed that she cant love me but her eyes always said to me that she likes me.
Then a week passed by, we were the same, hugging and kissing and holding hands of each other. But finally we had a discussion regarding my proposal. She spoke out that she couldnt love me. She still loves her Ex. And she cant forget him. She believes only he was the perfect for him and she wants to dedicate her life to him. She can never expect any1 in his place. I asked her what was the problm with me and why she cant accept my proposal. She said that she cant be truthful to me as she has Ajmal in her heart. She continued further that she wants me as a bestfriend to her for a lifetime. She cant love anybody she said.
I said to her that I am sure she will be happy with me in a relationship. And to this, her reply was positive. She believed that she can be very very happy with me and she too knows it. But she cant love anybody including me just becoz of her past, becoz of her ex.
She thinks that she has dragged me into this relationship by moving close to me when she knows already that she couldnt love me. Now she is feeling very guilty that all this has happened just becoz of her. I tried to explain her that if love was to happen, then it will eventaully happen, no matter what the reason is.

Now girls and guys.. Please help me out. She likes me very much. I love her so much. We are a great pair together. She is kind of an angel-type-girl who can be found only in novels like cindrella and others. She is just awesome and I cant afford to leave her.
Please suggest me what does this girl thinks... I know I need to wait for time. But I want to know if my story is moving in postive direction or negative direction

Hi itsme,


Thanks for writing to us. You have another thread in your name with the title : Where is my Love heading towards. Positive or Negative?. I am replying it here and not on the mentioned thread. Please ask Admin to delete it from the forum to maintain uniformity.


Frankly speaking, just like other girls, your girl is also very much confused in what to choose and what not to. This is somewhere the typical patent problem with almost every girl present. They love Guy A from their heart and become very close friends with Guy B. This situation leads to two different nature of problems:-
(i) If Guy A happens to be her boyfriend, he eventually starts feeling jealous with his girlfriend's closeness with Guy B which leads to clashes between both of them.
(ii) In second case, most of the time, Guy B feels attracted to this close female friend of his, proposes her someday and gets rejected by her. Reason being, either the girl is already committed or she just broke off with her boyfriend ( Guy A ) but still loves him. This is Crap !!!
Situations like these leads to nowhere. Guy B will always be good to this girl in a hope that things will improve someday and she will accept him. The girl will never be able to stay true to him and will always ask him to behave like a good friend while she would behave like a girlfriend ( hugging and kissing comes in place ). And they both will keep on dragging this so called love story till one day she would make another boyfriend or get married to someone.

Dear Friend, accept it or not but this is the clear picture of the future of these situations. I'm not saying this will happen to you, but who knows you might be among these less fortunate guys.


Coming to your problem statement...
She is a Muslim, you are a Hindu. She loved someone who is no longer hers and will never be. You love her and will always be.

Few points to note :

1) She couldn't take a stand in case of Ajmal against her family when he was a Muslim. How can you expect her to take a stand in your case when there is a different religion involved altogether? When she couldn't utter a word against her family, when she couldn't gather enough courage to speak out in front of her parents about her love, how can you expect that she would fight for you when she is NOT even whole heatedly in love with you ?
Trust me, it would be very difficult in your case. Her family seems to be very much restricted in terms of Love Marriages and she very well knows this fact which is why she couldn't speak her heart out in the first place. Things will be very difficult because of difference of religion and she might loose her hold on the situation in the long run.

2) She claims to be not in love with you but with someone who is practically not returning back to her. Ajmal, the guy in question is now married and its high time she should accept it and try to move on. You have been a very good friend, a very beautiful emotional support to her during all these times and she has looked upon you in the same manner - as a very nice friend. She has clearly laid her reasons for not accepting you as a part of her life because she sees you not more than a friend. Had she been a little more serious about you, she would have given you a second thought. But, this is plaintly not the case.

Moreover, after so many weeks of Ajmal's marriage, she still miss him. What is the guarantee that she will not miss him even after getting committed to you, what is the guarantee that she will ever be able to make you as her first priority, consider you as her last love etc ?

I understand, she is emotionally hurt and weak right now. And nobody is asking her to forget everything at a blink of an eye and move on. But its been weeks and even after your emotional support, she has not succeeded in moving further in life. Also, this emotional breakdown could have been a better reason had she been strong enough to take a stand for her marriage. Now, crying for something for which you never put in any effort is not justified, right?

3) You didn't write how do you think your parents will take this relationship ? You very well know, its a different religion issue and there is definitely going to be some or the other problem. Please throw some light on this as well.



To sum up, falling in love or getting in a relationship is not cake walk at all. When you commit yourself to someone, who dedicate yourself completely to him/her. I would really appreciate you for all the efforts you had put in and for accepting her as your soul-mate even after knowing her past. But there is no point in carrying a relationship further when your efforts are not reciprocated, when your feelings are not reciprocated and your emotions are not respected. You put in a lot of efforts to make things work out, but if she couldn't take a stand against her parents, all your efforts will be drained down as waste.
Sir, with all due respect, this is not the way relationship is taken. If there is no mutual interests involved, there is no point in getting into it further.


So, in my opinion, when she is honest to you, its better that you stay honest to her. You have proposed your love to her. Your work is done. Now, please leave things on her and give her time to come out of the situation and feel attracted towards you. Give her time to gain courage, realize the pain of loosing a person, realize the value of relationship and of you so that next time if she enters in a relationship with you, she should make herself doubly sure of her decision and prepare herself to take a stand if condition becomes bad.




Others might have different opinions. Would request you to consider them as well.

Hii Its me,
I have read your thread and one thing is for sure whatever Pulkit mentioned is very true and the relationship you share with your girl has only one end that is you might remain her best friend all through her life till she marry's any other guy from her religion, moreover, again I have to agree with Pulkit on the matter that if she can't stand out for her boyfriend who was again a Mohmeddian for this case how could you expect her to stand out for you in future if you somehow got together, and that time might be the difficult time for you to convince her to stand for you, as far as Love Marriages are concerned, the Muslims are very strict about marrying their daughters either to their same religion and caste or if by chance they give acceptance to the love marriage their condition would be that The Boy should ultimately Change his religion and caste and accept Islamic religion to marry their daughters, trust me this might get very difficult eventually for you if you are hoping for getting into a relationship with her.
My suggestion to you would be try and keep a safe distance and expect less from the girl and try to stay as her best friend and don't think of any relationship kind of matter with her as you might screw up your future life by expecting such a thing from that girl....
Think practically and do the needful and be a good friend and don't expect more from her. :)