Punjabi and Pandey marriage issues resolution

Hi i am suman saini belong to a punjabi family. I have completed my btech and naw doing MBA. My boyfrend is of other caste his surname is Pandey. After my btech some purposals start coming to my family for me so i told them about my relation that i like a guys want to marry to him please have a look on him and his family.
My parents are completely against me naw they said they don't want intercaste mrg they just want a punjabi family. As my boyfrend is a business man in foregn in Ireland. And py parents has severals problems taht the country is not a good country he is not having parmanent residance visa of Ireland. They r just pointing out many things. Naw they r emotionally atacking on me that no one has done like this in ur family why r u doing this and putting our imafe and status down in front of whole relatives and society. They want me to breakup they relationship. I cant do this at all my bf is the best person i can ever get he supports me everywhere.
They r strickly against the Pandey caste. If i forced them to marry my bf then they will break the relation with me in after mrge i don't want to hurt themc and loose them.
I have tried to convince them very politaly and with love that atleast once have a look on them but they just refuse to even meet them.


Naw i don't no what to do more to convince them how this caste caste thoughts will vanish from their mind
How to convince them ?

Hi Suman123456,


Family against intercaste marriage is a very common issue. You must have had heard about it alot in your surroundings and we too get many such questions here on the forum.*
To be very honest, there is no standard procedure to make things work out. No parents is ready for love marriage at first instance. So, you need to keep fighting for it if you know you're right.

But before you do that, you too need to step into your parent's shoes and analyse the whole thing from their perspective. Dear, just saying that you love a person will not suffice here. You need to have some solid backup reasons to give to them to support your cause. Plus, you alone working here won't help much. What is the input from your boyfriend's end? Has he disclosed to his family about his relationship with you? Are his parents ready for the match ?*
No relationship goes one way. Both the individuals need to put their efforts equally to make it happen.*

Now, try to understand what concerns your parents have here.... intercaste marriage means they know nobody on the other side and when you talk about marriage, only words don't help it out. If they marry you in your caste, they would have a mediator or a common person who would tell them the reality about other family. And that is what parents look for in here.*

Financial stability is another point.... your boyfriend has a business in Ireland. How is the business going? How are things happening? Is the business stable or not? Or, what is their financial stability there are few questions that is worrying your parents.*

Family background, their culture etc are other things that might not worry you but they do worry your parents.

So, firstly, you need to be strong from within and not give up on being rejected or scolded by them. If at all you know you're right, you need to take a stand.*
Not only you but an equal participation from your boyfriend here is also required. Ask him to talk to his parents too and convince them for you. When either of the families are somewhat ready, you both can arrange a meeting and allow the parents to do the talking.*
Back up yourself with valid and strong reasons. You need to have a through answer to each of their question and the answer should look justified.*
Do not allow yourself to fall in trap of their words or emotional attayachaar. They are not going to throw you out of family nor they will harass you in any case.*
Remember, not to shout at them or disrespect them. They are your parents and you should respect them. Talk politely and affirmatively and try avoid getting into any heated arguments.*

Keep us updated. We're always here for you.*
Thank you for writing.

Keep smiling... Keep Loving..!!

He is doing his best. He has come to india for meeting my parents but they refuse to meet him
and his family no me very well from the starting of our relation. They want me to be their daughter-in-law.
they r very happy to have me. and his business is going very gud he is owner of 2 subways. His family is preety good financialy above middle class families or i can say above my family financialy.
they r goid in all type of demands that a girls family want

but my parents are just stuck on caste abd they don't belive me when i told then about his family's good points or achivements what they have.

Hi Suman12345,



This isa good news that his family is ready and accept your relationship. One of the two families are ready, half the battle is won.

Now, what you guys can do is, instead of handling the matter at your level, let the two families interact. Understand, when parents do the talking, its a different level of discussion altogether.

So, your boyfriend's parents can inotiate a communication from their end and talk to your parents.

Meanwhile you both can work in preparing and making your parents ready to atleast talk and/ or meet once with him and his family. I think your parents can meet them out of generosity once.

Talk to the person whom you're close to in family - dad or mom, tell them to meet his family once for you. Take an assertive and strict approach and try to make things work. Make them realize you're damn serious about it.