How to convience my parents who are very traditional for love marriage?

Hi M Payal 26 years old ..I m Hindu (Daivadnya Brahmin).I love a guy who is 4 years elder to me...He is a Jain.he belong s to a Well reputed family and his parents have also agreed for our relation.We know each other since from 8 - 10 months.He is very understanding,open minded,caring and responsible person.We are planning to move forward.but still now I have not informed my family about this.they are very traditional. They think that doing love marriage means its a black mark to their reputation and prestige.They are not my real parents.(They have just brought up me,he is my mother's bro,i have lost my parents at the early age of life as I was 5 years old).I dont want to hurt them but at the same time m sure that they will not except our relation.What shud I do?His parents are ready and we are planning for a court marriage first and then we are thinking to inform them.But the question is Would it be right to do so?how to proceed to inform them after court marriage.There is no one who can stand by my support on my side .What should I do?Please suggest.

If boy's parents are in support already, then why don't you ask them to directly go to your parents and give proposal of marriage. I know in Hindu family its not tradition to give proposal by boy's family. They may go through alternate channel to inform them that they are looking for you as bride for their ward.

Going through proper channel is better, if you marries in court then it will really hurt them, there first reaction would be your feeling of betrayal by you. Just go to them with positive attitude and hope, who knows , they might agree ?

Thanks for ur advice..........hoping for the Best

I had asked my partner to say this dad to speak to with my family.But the problem is he says that cant say my family might go out of the way and insult his parents.They dont have problem to come and speak but he will allow his parents to meet my family only when these people invite.....What to do?

I understand , what I am suggesting that instead of just directly going to them, try to go through some channel where someone reputable or respectable is involved. Say, an uncle whose has influence over your family and then he asks your family to meet boy's family. That way the meet will be more meaningful and logical. I could be anyone , not just uncle.. but should be respectable and well received by your family.

Hope you understand what I am saying.

Thanks...........I got it........I will first try and find out the correct person who can put up this in front of my family

I am not finding anyone in my support what to do?please suggest .........one of my masi is there who stays in Ahmedabad she is bit broad minded .last time when she visited my place he had said me that if I have any one in my mind whom I like then i shud say her about that person but...........after she reached ahmedabad i tried to call her thrice to say her about us but she just ignored me ............so m not sure that whether she will b in my support or not.....please suggest me....what shud b my next step

I am not finding anyone in my support what to do?please suggest .........one of my masi is there who stays in Ahmedabad she is bit broad minded .last time when she visited my place he had said me that if I have any one in my mind whom I like then i shud say her about that person but...........after she reached ahmedabad i tried to call her thrice to say her about us but she just ignored me ............so m not sure that whether she will b in my support or not.....please suggest me....what shud b my next step

This is something you have to decide, its because you know your family better. It doesn't matter if masi is open-minded , what matter is how much that person is respected by your family. You have to think out of the box, it could be even some neighbour but only if he is well connected to your family. It could be also some elder person , but it again all depends.

Why not to talk to your Mom or may be sister or brother (if have some) , take their advises .

Even the solution of this problem will be complicated ..!

I dont think that anybody will help me ...........So I have finally decided to get married without their concern and then going a way

I don't suggest going against them and marrying without taking their consent. Though you will get married, you will get your love but there will be many complication, not to remind the pain you will give to parents as well as yourself. It may even affect your married life.

Why not give some more time and see if you can find some other to confront your parents as well as get them agreed ?

You are right even i agree with you..........even i dont want to hurt anyone......but at the same time dont want to leave him also ...............just pray to God that he will send someone for my help

Hi friends.........

Today m very happy...........i convienced my masi and told her all about me and my bf relation she is ok with it and even my cousin is supporting me ......but still have got long to do.My masi suggest that its impossible to convience my family members becoz thy r dame sure that they wont agree..she is suggesting me to do court marriage and go with my fiance.....becoz my masi is saying she is with me forever but family ko convience kare jab pata hai kuch hoga nahi its a waste.........wt shud I do?

Its a small but positive step but if you go for court marriage, it will be again complicated situation, as Arish bro said, you will definitely hurt your parents. If you your Masi is in favour , why not your mother too. They both are sister to each other, I am sure things will be good soon.

I think court marriage should be last resort and avoided as much as possible.

And why you are assured that your family will not accept your relation ? What if you can convince your family to show it as arrange marriage instead of love marriage. I mean, why not show this as a marriage fixed by parents to society, this way it will not hurt their social status at all ?


Try to have conversation with other people like your brother or sister along with Masi to get more help. I also think that you should not involve too many person. Should be only limited and important person only.

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Originally Posted by asaam

Its a small but positive step but if you go for court marriage, it will be again complicated situation, as Arish bro said, you will definitely hurt your parents. If you your Masi is in favour , why not your mother too. They both are sister to each other, I am sure things will be good soon.

I think court marriage should be last resort and avoided as much as possible.

And why you are assured that your family will not accept your relation ? What if you can convince your family to show it as arrange marriage instead of love marriage. I mean, why not show this as a marriage fixed by parents to society, this way it will not hurt their social status at all ?


Try to have conversation with other people like your brother or sister along with Masi to get more help. I also think that you should not involve too many person. Should be only limited and important person only.

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To b frank even my heart is not accepting for this like eloping or doing court marriage..I said my fiance also about this that I dnt want to get married by hurting anyone in the family...M thinking to convience my masi to go forward and take my side whn I firmly go and speak with my family...Its very easy to say but being a girl for me its really bad situation.....Aaj tak jaise b ho unhone mujhe pala posa .....mujhe apne feet pe khade hone k kabil banaya....and now i cant break them and build my house of happiness....please pray to god to guide and show me the right path and jo mere dil mai wish hai vo puri ho but bina kisiko hurt kiye.......please.......U can even suugest some ideas as to how I can bring front my choice to my family....so that they agree happily

To b frank even my heart is not accepting for this like eloping or doing court marriage..I said my fiance also about this that I dnt want to get married by hurting anyone in the family...M thinking to convience my masi to go forward and take my side whn I firmly go and speak with my family...Its very easy to say but being a girl for me its really bad situation.....Aaj tak jaise b ho unhone mujhe pala posa .....mujhe apne feet pe khade hone k kabil banaya....and now i cant break them and build my house of happiness....please pray to god to guide and show me the right path and jo mere dil mai wish hai vo puri ho but bina kisiko hurt kiye.......please.......U can even suugest some ideas as to how I can bring front my choice to my family....so that they agree happily.......please aarish Bro...plz help me............

Aarish Bro........My fiance went and even met my relatives (Masi,nani and Cousin Bro ) at ahmedabad.... last week.But they r saying us first to get married and then concern at home.....my masi is even asking me to elop......what to do I am not understanding.....fully confused..want to get married to him becoz we both love each other very much....but family conviencing problem...these r supporting but only from the back stage and they dont want to come in picture...So wt to do....So its really hard to decide becoz this was a last hope that they will be in support but now hearing their talks i dont think so they will act by my side...So now u suggest me what shud I do.....becoz how much I knw my family members they will surely reject this since he is not from our caste...but according to me he is a perfect match becoz he is caring,understanding, responsible personality,motivative,and even family background is reputed,financially strong,...every thing is great.....So please suugest some plan as to how I can proceed now...at this stage.....waiting for ur reply...

Ofcourse it is going to be hard.

I have already told you and again telling you that if you decides for eloping, you will hurt them even more. Not only it will hurt, it sill bring shame to your family too. And you will be reason, then they will not only get hurt but will probably start hating you too.

What if you take help of your sister-brother if you have any, talk to one who you think is more supportive and broad minded. This way more members in the family will know about your love.

Regarding your Masi and cousins, its obvious they don't want to get blamed. I think looking upon them for support will be waste of time. What if you talk to your mother, because sooner or later you have to talk to them. May be you should start creating atmosphere like being obedient, showing selfness nature in family and when time is right, have private discussion with mother. I think you have to be little bold. It may hurt them a little but not as much as eloping.

Hi friends............

After thinking deeply I just got one solution to just try to bring everything to normal M planning to arrange a get together between our two families becoz I think this is the only output what I can come with for my love story...Instead of just waiting and watching for support from others I think its just a waste of time.
I just went through all the flash back and came to a conclusion that I shud any hw plan a get together between the two families without knowing them and just bring in front of them like as if its a big surprise for them....
In the coming next to next week my would be in Laws are arriving at my place .So m thinking some how I shud gather even my family members by deciding a particular Venue and than disclose it to them in the presence of both the family members.M going to invite my Mama,Mami and Masi(These r my guardians ,as I dont have my own parents) and one more Masi who stays in ahmedabad and few supporters who can encourage me...
For that firstly I need to discuss with you'll my friends as to how I shud plan out or what shud I speak or how shud I start with.....
I need to even discuss this with my fiance b4 becoz he need to discuss with his mom and dad.....
My question to you'll is as to how I shud come up with like how to introduce or how to start with and keep my views in front of my family

Hi friends............

After thinking deeply I just got one solution to just try to bring everything to normal M planning to arrange a get together between our two families becoz I think this is the only output what I can come with for my love story...Instead of just waiting and watching for support from others I think its just a waste of time.
I just went through all the flash back and came to a conclusion that I shud any hw plan a get together between the two families without knowing them and just bring in front of them like as if its a big surprise for them....
In the coming next to next week my would be in Laws are arriving at my place .So m thinking some how I shud gather even my family members by deciding a particular Venue and than disclose it to them in the presence of both the family members.M going to invite my Mama,Mami and Masi(These r my guardians ,as I dont have my own parents) and one more Masi who stays in ahmedabad and few supporters who can encourage me...
For that firstly I need to discuss with you'll my friends as to how I shud plan out or what shud I speak or how shud I start with.....
I need to even discuss this with my fiance b4 becoz he need to discuss with his mom and dad.....
My question to you'll is as to how I shud come up with like how to introduce or how to start with and keep my views in front of my family
Please those u view this please put up ur comments please.........

Hi Payal,

Its good to see that you understand situation better now. But the plan of giving surprise get - together may back fire on you. What if your family members get angry, what if they started blaming each other's family for wiping mind of you both. In my point of few, surprise introduction will be more dangerous.

Instead, I think invite them to your function or any celebration as parents of a friend, let both families know each other, if they likes each then will be easier for you to later disclose your intention. Hope you understand what I am saying.

Aarish Bro..............Can u please give me some more suggestions...........wt asaam told I totally agree but His family stays in Rajkot(Gujarat )and my family stays in( karwar )Karnataka.Tickets milne mai hi 3 to 4 months lag jate hai.............and his father is a CA and he also cannot cum every now and then.And his mom cnt travel frequently because of health issues...and my family members wont go to rajkot.......and recently there is no such kind of any function or celebrations at our place for which I can plan out.....So not getting in my way..............

And above all my fiance is appearing for IELTS British council to move abroad........and we are planning that at the most hamara kuch marriage ka final ho gaye toh even I have to apply along with him so that within 6 month period we have to do this.......Otherwise again 1 year waste hoga becoz if we dont apply now then again next year tak we need to wait.........So I want that this time whn his family is arriving here tab hi kuch finalise ho jaye.......

So I really need u all to suggests ur views .......becoz more an more views will help me plan out please do the needful...........All of my friends please suggest

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Originally Posted by payal0210

Aarish Bro..............Can u please give me some more suggestions...........wt asaam told I totally agree but His family stays in Rajkot(Gujarat )and my family stays in( karwar )Karnataka.Tickets milne mai hi 3 to 4 months lag jate hai.............and his father is a CA and he also cannot cum every now and then.And his mom cnt travel frequently because of health issues...and my family members wont go to rajkot.......and recently there is no such kind of any function or celebrations at our place for which I can plan out.....So not getting in my way..............

And above all my fiance is appearing for IELTS British council to move abroad........and we are planning that at the most hamara kuch marriage ka final ho gaye toh even I have to apply along with him so that within 6 month period we have to do this.......Otherwise again 1 year waste hoga becoz if we dont apply now then again next year tak we need to wait.........So I want that this time whn his family is arriving here tab hi kuch finalise ho jaye.......

So I really need u all to suggests ur views .......becoz more an more views will help me plan out please do the needful...........All of my friends please suggest

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So I really need u all to suggests ur views .......becoz more an more views will help me plan out please do the needful...........All of my friends please suggest

Dear Payal,

Here things are just not in your favour at the moment, but it doesn't mean they will never be. What Asaam suggested is not possible in your case because of geographical distances. Getting families to know each other is only possible if you people live nearby, and what you suggested for surprise meet will not be safe either because of complications Asaam pointed out.

Better is that you also apply to go abroad with him and from there you announce that you found a very nice Indian guy and then introduce him to your parents from there. It may sound weird but we Indians are more lenient when its about NRIs . May be then your parents may overlook his caste or religion.

What more I think is that you should be patient, its a big decision, should not be taken in heist.

Good luck.

It will take more time i feel so.....Hoping for the best