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Hi,
I m sakshi.I am engaged with a guy since 1 year but i dont love him.My parents want me to marry him but i love some other guy who is in my office.I am so attached to him and I cant live without him. But how can i tell my parents to say no to that guy who is engaged with me that guy is also love me so much but i dont and I cant told him all this.I know its too late but i dont have any option.Please suggest me what to do.asap
Hello Sakshi,
Felt like congratulating you for the engagement but since you are not happy with it, I prefer to keep my wishes to me.
Anyways dear friend, your problem is not that difficult to handle as it might seem to be.
For a girl like you her first point of contact is who? Yes, your mother, a person who would understand your feelings better than any other person on earth. Since your childhood days, you must have had shared your feelings, emotions, secrets to none, but your mother. So, get in touch with her, sit with her, tell her you want to communicate something urgent to her, make her understand your feelings for that guy in your office.
Second would be your sister or brother, if he/she is of the same age as you are and if you have one. Telling to a person who is of the same age group as yours will understand your feelings best because he/she is generally of the same mindset as you are and many a times your wavelength matches.
Third would be the guy himself whom you are getting engaged to. Perhaps he will understand the gravity of situation and realize what mistake is he going to commit if he is getting married to you who has no love and considerations for him. Being a responsible "to-be husband" he might take a step to call off this engagement and set you free from him.
But Sakshi, all this should be done only and only when you have 100% surety that the guy at your office also loves you or not. Here in your problem statement, you haven't mentioned anything about that guy. Its well understood you love him but is it the same from his side too or not?? Sometimes what happens is we mistakenly take infatuation as love. So, first confirming that he loves you or not, you should give your feelings a second shot and try to re-consider them just to make sure whether you really are in true love or its just a matter of time that you have developed this likeness for him. After, your heart gives you a positive reply, you should consider talking to your office friend and get to knowledge whether he loves you or not and what exactly he feels for you.
Don't put anyone in darkness. If you feel something for your office friend, you should delay your marriage date until you are confirmed with your doubts. Once you are married, there shouldn't be any turning back.
Hi,
Thanx pulkit for your reply but I have many issues at the same time.I told my mom about this but according to her it happens with everyone and it is impossible for them.My younger sister also knows that but she is also not in my favor. I told my cousins about this but at this situation they also cant do anything.My father doesnt know about this he trusted me allot if I told him about this I had to leave my job which is going to be worst I dont know what to do.
My loved one also love me so much I m working in his company It is a startup company and we are working on a project.We just want release that project asap before that he cant able to do anything we need almost one or one n half month I dont want to create problems between this project.My marriage date is in january.I am seriously in a very bad situation dont know what to do.Everyone in my family happy with this marriage but I am not.
Mentioned in a quote because this is much important than any other thing in your case. can you tell me how much time you have been with your office mate as you said company is a start up. And how sound is your relationship with your fiancee are you able to communicate everything to him clearly or not... please clear this point so that I can give you further advice on it.Quote:
all this should be done only and only when you have 100% surety that the guy at your office also loves you or not.
I know your situation is quite serious and it can drag you any ways if not taken action right away, I also would like to know whether you like your fiancee or not, and if not whats the reason behind it....I can expect your family members to be against you at this moment because it is a good time 1 year since you are engaged to your fiancee and you could have cut off your engagement much earlier if you were not comfortable with the guy, or is it like this, you started disliking your fiancee after meeting this guy at office... please specify all this without keeping anything secret or lying coz its the matter of your life my dear I hope you give me a true answer to all my questions
Hi,
Please help me I am not able to do anything.I was just said yes for engagement only because of my parents and at that time i was not too attached to my loved one but now i cant live without him.My parents cant understand this situation.
Hi,
I am in very bad situation. I have told my parents about this but still they want me to marry that person .I dont know what to do now.They said that this is your mistake so you have to pay for this why should we.I know this is my mistake that I am too late but how can I live whole life with that person.please help me out.please..
Hi sakshi shah,
This is a very typical situation. First as I said above, you need to confirm whether your office guy loves you or not. If yes, you need to affirm that his family is ready for him to get married to you or not?? If he and his family are ready for him to get married to you, only then you should think about breaking your engagement and marrying your lover.
Once you are confirmed with this, you should get in touch with your fiancé and tell him the truth. Explain him why you can't marry him and why you want him to break this enagagement.
I hope he will understand your word and do exactly as you want.
Hi,
If you dont mind can I get your number plz thus I will talk with you in detail or your gmail Id...
I am really in a very bad situation......
I have provided you my personal number. You can anytime get in touch with me.Quote:
Originally Posted by sakshi shah
Hi,
I didnt get your number.Can you please send me your number at my gmail id sakshirathore24 (REMOVED by Admin).
Please don't share your details in public, use Private Message System.
Thanx
Hi Sakshi,Quote:
Originally Posted by sakshi shah
I have given you my personal number. Would request you to check your "Notifications" in etalkindia on top center of page.
You will find my number in the Visitor's Message section.
Also, I have send you a testimonial mail on your gmail id.
Still if you find any difficulty, let me know.
Hi,
Please tell me what can I do.I have only two options one is marry the person according to my parents and make them happy for some time and second is to marry the person I want with this hope that my parents will forgive me some day.
please suggest me what to do.
Hii sakshi,Quote:
Originally Posted by sakshi shah
Welcome back..!!!
Frankly speaking, now that you are really stuck in this situation, I believe its time when you should call your office boyfriend to talk to your parents and help them understand the issue. See, you can get married to any random good person whenever you want. Its nothing like, if your parents have chosen this guy for you, there are no good guys except him.
If you are compelled to marry a person of your parent's choice then you can marry anyone whom they choose for you. But what I want you to do is, right now, you should get in touch with your "to-be husband" and tell him that you really don't want to marry him because you LOVE somebody and that you are being forced to get married to him. If he is a genuine personality, he will understand you word and will himself take up a step forward to forbid the match.
After, your marriage with him is cancelled, you and your office boyfriend both can talk to your parents and make them understand your situation. If they understand well and good, if they don't they can again search a new match suitable for you.
But right now, you can control everything by cancelling your marriage with the other guy. You will get enough time to speak in detail with your parents about your love and feelings for your office guy and convince them for the marriage. Least expected, if they don't agree with your relationship, they can again find another guy to tie your knot with, but atleast by cancelling your marriage you will get sometime to speak your heart out, reveal your feelings for your boyfriend to your parents.
I hope you are getting what I just said.
Moreover, my number is changed. I have already mailed you my new number. Would appreciate if you can provide me your number so that we can discuss your issue and help you solve it out, if its okay with you. If you want to chat, lets do it today itself. Drop me a message when you are free in the evening.
I don't think this is working Pulkit as Sakshi has already talked to cancel her marriage to her parents who are intact on their decision to marry her to the guy she is already engaged, Sakshi please share some details as what your parents have to say on it, and also about what your may be husband has to say on it when you talked to him......Please let pulkit know everything so that he can also help to suggest you something....
Hi pulkit,
Thnx so much for ur support.My situation is going very critical day by day.My mom told me that this marriage is just a formality for them now.But they have to do this.I have to speak to my "to-be-husband" daily because of my parents and it really hurts.After april they will not allow me to come office.Because of that my carrier is also in trouble.Our project is in last phase now.My bf can do anything for me after this but problem is that if i leave this job after this my parents will blackmail me imotionally.My dad already told me that their lives and my sister's life is now in my hand.They told me that they can do anything with me nut they are not doing anything so just do "what we want".They want me to be happy in front of everyone.
Sakshi,
Hey frankly speaking, it sound little filmy, but instead of wasting three life its better show some guts and tell directly to mom and dad, that you love someone else. Don't pushed them try to convince them, make them realize that if i will marry him(with whom your marriage is fixed) i will be no more happy and myself in this world. And if you are sure that to whom you love is ready to take your responsibility till the end than must marry with your loved one. In nowadays life you have to think practically all the things. But in a head if anythings wents wrong then everyone will consider you yourself responsible for this.
Hi Sakshi,
Exactly like what manojbhagat said is something that I want to say. Why don't you understand, they are your parents and they will always want you to marry a person of their choice because it comes to their pride and upbringing( which is totally baseless assumption ) of their child, if he/she choose to marry a person of his/her likes.
Just like any other parents, they will try to impose these emotional, physical restrictions on you. If you really don't agree with me, you can very well check out the forum. There are numerous posts with similar topics.
You are saying your boyfriend can do anything for you. But tell me one thing, when will he consider taking a step, after you are married ?? You want to get married to him, but I don't see you are putting in some serious efforts into making it possible.
As said before, TALK to your "to-be-husband" and tell him you don't want to get married. Ask him to call off the marriage because you are being pressurized into getting married to him.
Also, make him understand and your parents too...by marrying to your "to-be-husband" you are directly ruining 3 lives and others to on a stretch. Make them understand, why on earth do they want you to blame them for the rest of your life for ruining your life. Why they want that they are hold responsible for things that happen in future between you and your "to be husband"..
See you have a very less time. IF you are SURE your boyfriend loves you and is ready to take your responsibility, then both of you should work in that direction. Its hard time you should consider taking a move. Now that your parents have come to know about your relationship with your office friend, it will not take them by any surprise if you confront them directly with your decision.
It time when you should act now than regretting later, Sakshi. If things don't work out and you are forced to compromise, you can get married to any good guy anytime in life you want. You know your worth, you belong to a good family, you are cultured, must be beautiful too, educated well...what else do a guy need. Your ability to love someone is unquestionable and I am pretty sure, collecting all these qualities of yours, you will find an appropriate match anytime for you. But your love is striking on your door, its time when you should atleast work in a direction to grab it.
I hope you understood what I want to convey.
Hi,
I understand what you are saying.I m too imotional person I have a big family here and I love them allot.From my childhood I am a very good child and my image is like a very understanding and sincere child.My mom told me that no one can imagine that you are doing this.Actually all my cousin di who is almost age of 40 now all created some issues in their marriage time but they were not so capable to do something for theirselves and my mom think that if they can adjust why not me she thinks that I will adjust after 4 years but what about now.They told me that dont make us feel that we are pressurising you.I know it is my fault that i m not in love with the guy they choose for me maine sirf unke bare me sochke use ha ker di I am an software engineer after BE spend two years at home after that my friend who is my bf now told me to join his company I was in depression at that time not confident about my self today what i m is just becoz of him.In office nobody knows about us even they dont know about my engagement.
Hi sakshi,
Dekhiye jo aap keh rhi hain, woh bhi kaafi hudd tak sahi hai. Lekin agar aapko itni problems thi aur agar aap itna unsure thi apni family ki taraf se, toh pyaar karne se pehle sochna chahiye tha.
Dekhiye dost, samjhne ki baat sirf yeh hai ki shadi aapko aaj nahi toh karni hi hai...lekin yeh shadi hogi kisse - aapke boyfriend se ya unse jinko aapke parents ne pasand kiya hai aapke liye. Main sirf yeh chah rha tha ki aap ek baar achche se koshish karein. Dekhiye iss baat se aap bhi sehmat hongi ki parents kabhi love marriages ke liye tayar nahi hote, lekin iska matlab yeh nahi hai ki love marriages nahi honti. Inn sab cheezon ko hone mein thoda waqt lagta hai.
Agar aap galat nahi hain apne decision mein, toh mujhe nahi lagta aapko apne parents ko convince karne mein koi pareshani ka saamna karna padega. Dost, zaruri nahi hai ki aap bhi apni dusri behon ki tarah apni zindagi se compromise karein. Aaj bhale hi woh apni zindagi mein aage badh gayi hain, lekin agar woh apne pyaar se shadi karti toh shayad zyada khush hoti.
Dekhiye mein aapko kisi bhi cheez ke liye force nahi karunga kyunki humme iss baat ka koi haq nahi. Aap apne ghar aur pariwaar walon ko sabse achche se janti hain. Humme jo sahi laga, humne woh aapko bola. Lekin agar aapko lagta hai aap isse aage nahi badha payengi...toh mere hisab se aapko apne boyfriend se rishta khtam kar dena chahiye.
Dekhiye Sakshi, jo kuch karna hai aap dono ko karna hai. yeh aapki zindagi hai, aapko hi isse jeena hai. Agar thodi si himmat karke apne liye kuch achcha karengi toh aapke liye achcha hoga. Agar aise himmat haar jayengi, toh aap khud hi janti hain ki kya hoga.
Agar main aapki jagah hota toh ek baar hi sahi koshish zarur karta.
Rest is all upto you to make. Whatever you post here, say all this to your parents. There is no point in conveying your feelings to us but yes, if you will do it to them, you might see things working out in a positive way.
I wish you Luck !!!