My boyfriend is getting too much........should I leave him????????

My boyfriend and I are together since one andhalf years, right from the start I told him about a past relation with another guy which lasted on and off for about a year....now that was the only relation I had before this guy of mine and we did not completely get physical.......now my boyfriend whom I loved a lot inspite of that my family is against intercaste marriage, n I want to marrry him keeps on asking me repeatedly to assure him that I didnt have a physical relation with the past guy........I convince him always, n he gets convinced too........n he asks me this every 1 or two months N Iget so distressed every time and I cry that I LOVE HIM N NOBODY else still he asks me the same reassurance every 2 months or less...........this time he asked me to send him a mail in writing that I didnt have sex with the past guy.........I dont think its good to do..........it is like I have to carry this relationship and all my life he will read this mail and get convinced that I m pure........I find it disgusting and it arouses self guilt in me..........though I did nothing wrong in it.......I am confused..........I am thinking of leaving this man cos I cant risk a lifetime of uncertainty............moreover he has had such problems in past that he calls he has some obesession with thoughts..........I am well settled financially............he is also in good position...............Kindly advise what to do................please

As you are getting uncertain about future with this guy, similarly he is also in problem. You both are right at your thoughts, he is somewhere thinking that you are hiding the truth so that your relation dont' get affected. He just want to make sure that you in your past life never laid with your EX.

You have already convinced him but actually he need some one else to convince him a little more, may be someone his close friend, he just want to get assured.

You have already done what you can, just keep positive with him and if he want you to say again n again then do it.

Actually apart of your words.. he just need one good citation and after that he will be fine!

You got to know men's Psychology before coming to any conclusion Ms. whatever!
"A man always wants himself to be a woman's first love whereas a Woman wants herself to be a man's last love"
Do u see the difference? although this may vary to some extent depending upon the understanding that they both have but still, keeping BLOODY INDIAN PSEUDO MENTALITY into consideration, a woman's love is measured on the parameters of her physical purity. Same is the case with your boyfriend!
just keep a few questions in your mind....
1) Whats wrong if u had physical relation with your Ex when u can have it with this guy?
2) Does he love you for what you are or what you were?
3) are you both hanging on with this relationship just for the sake or do you really have a feeling of oneness rather than possessiveness?

Remember, its far better to lead a life alone and enjoy being yourself instead of giving proof of your purity every now and then.But still, whatever i have written here is for the person that you have portrayed in those few words..... if u think u missed to write something good 'bout him then just thin of that and jot it down. that will help you amend this relationship if u really want.

Thanks Ricky I told the same to him n he was relieved, n Sandeep you are right about men n women. Dear this guy n me , we both are insame profession(n its tough for me to find a good match in same profession n caste as is for him n both of us are 25 n 26 yr old), though not working together, we share all things common, interests, ambitions and family background except that I m from a higher caste. He cares for me n tells me that he doesnt want to hurt me n cries that this question bothers him. He is a genuine guy. But my relation with my previous boyfriend was very on n off..he lived 225 km away from me but visited me 2 or 3 times in my rented room where we got physical but as it was first time cud not completely get physical....I really can swear it..........I told it to my guy before even starting the relation........he said it didnt matter to him as I was too good and compatible for him. But then he started getting depressed as he has this OCD of not being able to get out of his thoughts easily, then he started to get physical with a colleague just to get even with me, I grew angry but didnt oppose beacuse I thought he is not emotionally involved and this way he will get over this doubt of his forever . But till 5 mths he had physical(I knw her, she was in our circle, it was purely physical)..then I fought n gave him option of her or me n then he stopped seeing her n is now out of touch with her..she is in a diffrent far away town now.....but still on n off he woould want reassurance that he is not a fool........I tell him that now its no use but he says he lost his virginity on me n loves me n he doesnt want to feel like a fool. I mean he even thinks that someday my past bf will laugh at him. Though I am the one who is financially n professionally ahead of all these people....I even have landed a job of around 40,000$ pa outside India and I assure him that I will do everything for him....but he cries that he doesnt knw how to get over his feeling but wants to marry me. He doesnt want to leave me, just seems as if wants to get reassurance n put me in useless emotional turmoil for nothing. My parents are looking for a suitable groom for me , I havent told them about him, but I was planning to n he popped this again,...I am to leave India for a year or so next month n he is going to US in next year for his studies.....so its kinda tough for me..........I knw we r right..........but I am ina mess..........I have everything yet dont knw.............thanks for you guys trying to help...........this is seriously a help....God bless ya!

You are in mess, I suggest that do not think about having a life with him. There are reasons.

Even i guess so Ricky!
i m sure that this boy is not going to marry her*.....well, dont take it as a curse but what i m saying is my experience with peers. moreover she has made a really big mistake of telling 'bout her Ex to his present boyfriend. now he really needs a brainwash to marry her.

*---- Conditions Apply

thanks for your replies guys.......but I should not or he would not are entirely different, I can find much better guys in USA who wont probably mind anything but here this guy has been for me day n night thru our(his n me) exams n we spent so much time together, I just feel if I dont have a life with him all those efforts go waste, I am in a dilemma....I dont want to be called a selfish creature.I dont know what lies in future but I am a strong headed girl who usually never seeks outside opinions but you guys seem to be very much clear about your thoughts....I like your answers thats why....never revealed so much to anyone except him.......I m so kinda upset.....my instint say to follow the God's omens....He the supreme power knows it all but then my head says I m being stupid enough to give someone important time of my life when I shd rather not trust him as his erratic thoughts can go astray anytime..........he lost one year of his degree just worrying about some discrepancy in his record might not be discovered.....I think he needs psychiatric help, but I am here on crossroads of life....may be I shd just go to my new job, study well , and earn million dollars awaiting me he he! but I cant eat dollars alone, I need someone to share with me and getting to trust one more guy is not going to be easy, Sorrrry guys I am being too what you say...overboard....please reply soon

KAHANI POORI FILMI HAI!!!
first step u should take is Go to US and dont give or wait for any commitment from either side.
after an year call him and take his feedback---- Believe me its gonna work. until then u 'll come across many boys an u ll b able to decide whether this love is real or just a longing..

means I shd not be in touch and then call after 1 year ........reality is stranger than fiction.......I know! O God!

What else can be better if you cant resist yourself talking to him, but if it happens that u can lead alone then also u 'll b happy. Right?

I can be happy anyways........am very happy go lucky...the tension looms only when its extreme..........I can resist talking on fone but that wud mean its over and if I cant then it means its going on..........isnt it? so rather dont take a harsh stand..........go with the rhythm of life, meditate, feel good, progress and someday thinK its a wonderful life!!! Should important decisions be left on fate or must you take them, and then the question' What is morally right to do' bothers, well life is queer with its twists and turns and I m just a human being!

is this the end of discussion..?

oh i was in a break !
well, there is no question of being harsh to anyone if u do so...nor will it b considered selfish 'coz u r doing it not only for urself but him too. i guess u understand what i mean. As far as rhythm of life, meditation, feeling good, progressing and someday thinking its a wonderful life!!! is considered, i think all this can be done even when u r not with him, so y to take risk of getting a TAG of Marriage and then regret?? have u shd discussed with him very clearly upon the matter that whether he believes in u or not?

Girl, whatever going in your relations, even if you both got married, but in coming life you both will see problems. Why you both are so much worried about all pasts, reason is that both are serious about marriage and from your past you are trying to judge your future.
He also wants to marry you but he is in doubt as you are. Best is to move away from this relation and marry someone else whom you don't know much. This is the God's virtue to give us a stable life. Be in touch and gradually finish it. He will accept it too.
And when you end this relation, do not blame him else you will make it hard for him to accept.

Thanks a lot Ricky and Sandeep........I am grateful to you n to eTI that there are some people who are willing to genuinely help out........I will follow this advise........yes we have discussed everything , he trusts me or not in clear terms and he says that he must and has to trust me cos he loves me, so I think this trying to trust is not a healthy relation....anyways I am now going to be 1000s of km away and will keep in touch with fone sometime, n gradually life will shape up itself....Thanks guys!

So, you have chosen to wind up this gradually.
Its not that I want to you to end up this relation but I do not see an understanding future ahead.

arre! arre!! ??? jaate jaate ye to batate jao k tum dono me se Thakur koun hai aur singh koun hai (just jokin') Cheesy

I just found out from a kundali website about his mars is in 4th house(he is a manglik) now I understand a lot of things...........just a silly thought to add to the troubles!
O ho! I named myself dat cos Thakur was helpless(handless..oops) though he was a singh(sher) gall bani! nahi! chal koi gall ni! Thanks

ok then!
keep posting your dilemmas (if any).wish u all th best for your future endeavors!! :)

This is not a workable relationship.

The man will continue 2 get obsessed wth the doubts regarding your character even after marriage...and not just regarding the old relationship but also abt the new ones which u wl eventually form , howsoever "pure" from your point of view!

So, find somebody better and stable man.

Warm Regards

Men who lack self-confidence and is quite low in his self esteem only keep nagging their spouse about their past. I think in your case also this is the root cause. He will continue to suspect you no matter how much you try to convince or show total attention. I think you will be better off leaving him. Don't even dream of marrying such a guy.

I advice you to leave him. He does not love and trust you. If he loves you, he would never asked you this question again and again. he does not trust you and there is no question of living with this guy throughout life

i guess , leaving your BF is best, because after marriage, it will be a big mess....

just have agreat relationshipwith himto solve the problem

Guys this post is 2 years OLD and I think "miss.thakur singh" is not even reading this...!!!

iAdmin lock it or valuable suggestions from these gems will go waste... :P

Pretty OLD : TOPIC LOCKED

If want to get topic opened, specially for TOPIC opener, send me PM. There are many unanswered Relationship Issues posted on eTI, should continue there instead of these old topics.