Girlfriend and mom misunderstandings just before marriage

Hi,

I am getting married to my girlfriend this month. Everything was fine, both parents agreed to intercaste and interstate marriage. But as the wedding time got close certain small incidents are making big issues. I am stuck between my family and her. Because we both live in US and families are in india, there is a huge communication gap. She is not getting enough exposure of my family and having bad preconceived notions. One recent incident is about shopping for wedding clothes. Everyone is shopping for ceremonial clothes and my gf wanted to wear a gown for engagement. Now, she talked on phone about this with my sister and mom and my mom thought gown would not be a good idea for ceremony. Otherwise, there is no cloth related restrictions my family. My mom told her that she can wear the gown for other occasions but as a bride it would not be a good idea.

This stirred up a hornet's nest and now she is very angry at me and my family. She is thinking I am a momma's boy and not taking her side. But, truth is, even in my personal opinion I think gown is not a good idea. But, I am not against it, I told her to buy the gown anyway. But she bought something else and now her mind is still stuck for the gown.

I am trying my best keeping calm and I am terribly stuck between two very emotional people. Please tell me what to do? How can make best of this bad situation. I love my gf and my mom both, equally. I don't want any relations to go bitter. I am really really confused and out of ideas. Please help.

Hi Dear Friend,


She can wear a gown at reception also. Why bitter any relation on such simple and irrelevant ground? Engagement, I believe is a ceremony, with fairly a low footfall, generally involving immediate family members and personal acquaintances. So, when whole family is the only thing in picture, wearing a traditional outfit ( or, whatever dress has been short-listed by your mother ), if a decent idea. That would justify with the elders too. She can wear a gown in reception, may be, which would involve general gathering with a high footfall. I guess, she should be okay with this idea.