How to convince my parents for love marriage heart-fully without hurting them?

Hi,

I'm 20 yrs old. I'm in love with a guy who is 10 years older than me. Age doesn't a matter since my dad is 12 years elder than my mom. But my parents are not convinced in the case of love marriage. I have an elder sister. She was in love with a guy 3 years elder than her. My parents came to know about her love and started opposing it thro various ways such as disconnecting communication facilities, watching her all the 24/7 time and lot. But at last, she eloped; hurting parents to the extreme :( They don't use to shout or scold a lot. They just talk softly (basically both my dad and mom are soft & sensitive characters). Being so, I'm not able to talk about my love to my parents. I'm not ready to hurt them again as my sister did. The basic reason for their opposition for love marriage is the only thing - that our relations; kith & kin wont support for this. Ours being an orthodox family, my parents are deeply concerned with relations, their thoughts and their views. My parents need to face heavy disrespecting and insulting occasions among my relations if I did it. (Already my parents are facing such troubles due to sister's elope). This is really a ****ing behaviours of relations :(.

I could never give up my lovable guy; also unable to convince my parents. No problem from his side. His parents are ready to accept me as their daughter-in-law.

Currently my parents are doubtful on me whether I'm in love with any external boy. They started watching my each and every activity. Both of my mom and dad never use to talk frankly to me. Some of their indirect activities making me to feel so bad. I don't have any friends to share all my feelings. I request you to give me some solution for this problem. I'm in a dark hole of my life :( Please help me out friends!!

Thanks in advance.

I think there is another similar kind of thread running on the forum I shall provide you with the link kindly refer it..
Father against relationship

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Originally Posted by swapnilramani

I think there is another similar kind of thread running on the forum I shall provide you with the link kindly refer it..
Father against relationship

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Hi swapnilramani,

The thread that you provided is not in English & so I'm unable to follow it. Anyway, Thanks for your response!

Hi shakthi8293,


Well, things are definitely not very easy at your side. Your elder sister got married after eloping from your family which undoubtedly must have had hurt them alot. Concerning the Indian society right now, there are people like you and me who believe love is everything and are not concerned about what others think or feel. But there is still a huge section of people who have a narrow thinking and are still affected by "Log Kya Kahenge" ( What people will say ) syndrome.

Well, considering your present situation I feel it will be actually very difficult for you to make it happen. Once your parents have suffered a set back in their life when your elder sister eloped and got married. Now, they have big expectations from you and they wouldn't appreciate you getting married to someone they disagree after all that has happened with them.

Moreover, i will never advice you to elope away and get married because though it may seem a good solution but its actually very difficult. Dear, you are in an age when it seems really easy and comfortable decision to elope and get married, but in actuality there are things that are unseen and unknown to you. Moreover, I don't think so its a fancy idea to leave your parents shattered and melancholy. So, if anyways you are thinking of eloping away and getting married, then certainly you should drop this idea.

Ideally your parents must have had understood by now how important it is for someone to get married to someone whom he/she loves. But if still they are reacting just opposite to it, I believe they are not at all in a mood to even consider it for once.
With all that has happened with your parents in the past considering your sister, I would advice you to stop thinking for anything positive. Your parents were really in a very bad position when their elder daughter has left them to marry someone else. This is something that I feel is not justified. They are your parents and they are responsible for making you what you are right now. They have made you capable of loving someone. So, I don't feel that you should leave your parents for this guy whom you have just met a couple of months ago.

I don't see any hope in it. I wouldn't appreciate your any wrong move. It will be very hurting for them as well.
You and your guy have a age difference of 10 years. When you say, that age doesn't matter since your father and mother have an age difference of 12 years or more, let me remind you that time was 20 years ago and things were different then. But now, time has completely changed and now new principles of equality of women and men are in the society. I am not questioning on your love and understanding between you and your boyfriend. All I doubt is, whether you actually understand the dynamics of being in a relationship. What you think doesn't matter to you might be a very immature decision because what I feel is, you are misjudged with your emotions. Try to think practically. At some point in time, this age difference will definitely create some problems. You are right now at a very tender age. After you are married to someone, there will come many points when your husband would require your consent in many important decisions of life. So, its generally advised that, owing to the present scenario that age difference between couples should be not too much. But as you can see, there is an age difference of 10 years which if not today, might create problems later. So, I would like you to give it a second thought.


Moreover, you are just 20 years old and I feel this is an ideal age for you to concentrate on your career right now. This is an age when we generally fall for someone, we start loving people, feel for someone but still we are unaware of the dynamics of relationships and love. What I can sense from your words is, you are perhaps mistaken by your emotions or too much carried away and what you call love might just be an infatuation or what you call crush. Your liking for this person is an outcome of various reasons. At an age of yours, we generally fall for someone so much so that we start believing that we are in love, but actually its just for a while that we are carried away by that person's caring nature and affection and sometimes by our emotions. But, let me tell you, what you think is not always Love.

This is time when I believe you should think more towards building your career, your life and try to get a foot hold in your life. Love will happen when its right and justified. And then when you will approach your parents with your lover, they will accept it because that will be a thoughtful decision.

Well Shakthi, I never would personally advice anybody to elope and get married, as Pulkit Said, it is very tough to go with that decision in future and there are many problems attached to it in future once you decide to elope your parents and leave them shattered and smashed with your decision, the first and the foremost thing that arises is the door for your acceptance after you marriage gets almost closed, and if the decision doesnot turn to be fruitful, then you may not have any one to support you in future and you may even not approach your parents for support as you already have wounded their hearts badly by deciding to elope.
Secondly, coming to your present situation, what I too feel is, the age that you and even I am in is the age where we get attracted to somebody because the adolescence is the age where real emotions come out and we may have crush on someone sometimes even more than a crush and we start taking it as love.....but it may actually not be... and as you said you and your bf have 10 years of difference, that is a massive difference as far as present world is concerned people even does not look for a partner with more than 5 yrs of difference this days and said that you are 20 yrs old, I too feel its not the time for you to think about marriage and all, its time for you to concentrate on your studies and look for a bright future and yes, let me tell you, your bf may be of 30 yrs as I assume to be the exact age of his, so definitely not now but the problem will arise in the future while taking big decisions where your consent will be utmost required, so I seriously suggest you to not to think about marriage and all stuff right now, concentrate on your career and make your future bright and independent and then you may decide to get married and who knows you may find you a partner for you that may be ideal for you in future.....try and concentrate on your career........You have still a long way to travel to think about marriage and all.