Intercaste Marriage problem - Living in USA but parents in India

Hi

I have a strange problem in my love. There is this guy who I had a crush on since about an year.
He suddenly proposed and I was so happy. But my family completely opposed this because of caste differences. He hails from a scheduled caste.
I am from a forward caste. My sister says that if I am 100% confident that I will face any difficulties that Iwill face by changing my caste and facing all the queries of the fellow beings then only I should go for it.
My daddy is against it completely. I also have this caste feeling but I love him. For me they are two seperate things. Him and his caste.
I want him but not his caste. I dont know how his family is. I have no chance to know. We are working in US and they all are in India.
Now how do I decide if I shd go with him or with my family.
My family is not agreeing. I cannot go away with him. I cant miss him. But I dont want his caste. I cant leave him. I cant go with him.
Please suggest what I shd do. I am hurting him with this delay.

I have just change your POST Subject to describe its content better. Also this way you will get better answer.

Take a decision chitti, first and foremost decide whether you truely love him or its just an infatuation. Second what does his parents say? are they in agreement? will he be committed to you? I think you should give this problem some time. Time is the best remedy and also the answer to many problems. Meanwhile maintain a platonic relationship with the guy. You need to be sure of yourself and him before acing on any decision or getting into a relatonship.

You need to understand if you really want him even if he is not from your caste.

Farida already suggested that give it time. Also, if you love him then for you caste should not be a issue at all. Besides, try to find a way to get your love without hurting others ie. parents.

Hi Chitti,
hope u are fine. Here are a few suggestions that you can give yourself. Repeat them 3 times in a day and once before going to sleep. It would help if u would imagine all that u are saying.

"l am harmonious and full of happiness. l thank my parents who help me in all new situations. l love them and they love me.Endless strength an safety flow towards me, making me happy and successfull.With harmony and love l turn to my whole life and experiance. All my desires are fullfilled and my higher intelligence leads me to a loving partner, who understands me, who has the same spiritual vibrations that l do and with whome I will step into the bright future."

well we wish you the very best Chitti.

Hi Everyone,

Thank you soo much for the replies. I have vowed myself to a promise that I will neverdo anything that will let my parents down. This is not a decision that I took now. I have taken it a long back when I heard so many stories of kids running away to marry without telling their parents.
And when it comes to this guy, he is in India now and his parents want him to select a girl to marry. Since I havent made any decision he is not telling his parents abt our story.
For me caste and him are two things. I want him but not the caste. This is impossible. I dont know which is more important. But Iam unable to decide if I shd hurry and marry him. What if my parents fears come true.
And I dont want to leave him too. I might miss such a loving person.I am also scared that I will make a wrong decision and repent later. I dont want to repent for any of my decisions - If I marry him or not.

But seeing these replies gives me so much support. My friends and his friends are all urging me to take a decision soon. They say that I shdnt wait for so long and that I am hurting him and spoiling his life.
I dont know how true it is; but I dont want to spoil his life.

Hi Chitti,

First and foremost, you are not spoiling anyones life. Please it is a matter of both your lives. You are just being sure. secondly he has not mentioned to his parents who are looking for a girl for him. You to are suffering and we do understand. If he loves you , he has to confide in his parents as well, why keep things as hush hush. Granted you feel he is a nice person and so all your friends think to. Fine, but you to are going through the same situation. Ask your friends whether they would like it if the person they love would be girl hunting in the process? You need time here.

Caste is important, will you be able to adapt to his ways and will he and his family be able to accept yours.
Love Chitti when you love someone, there are no two ways about it. But both the parties should be willing to sacrifice for each other.

I know you feel the situation is complicated right now. Prcatice the suggestions I have given and be calm. You'll see that everything will workout for the benefit of all.

Regards,
Farida H B

Thank you Farida. He is returning back to the States today. I am missing him but he is looking for a yes or no answer which I cant give right away. All our friends hate me because of that and dont talk to me anymore. Its so depressing. Sometimes I feel I shd just forget all this. But sometimes I feel that he is the best for me. Anyways, thank you for your suggestions. I wil try to think clearly and be calm.

Hi Chitti,
You are most welcome. Remember you are an important person and your life and decisions are your own. Please do not allow any one or thing to influence you to do something that you may regret later. I am sure you will be able to solve your problem. As Ricky said, If you love him, nothing else should matter. But it has to be receprocated as well.

As far as your friends are concerned, I hope they realize that you to are in a tight situation.

Regards,
Farida H B

hi Chitti & Everyone,

i am new here, Today i searched for the reason "In Iindia,why parents hate love marriage".
then i saw your posting in this website.

we both sail on the same boat. i want to share how i feel.
i always remember this. "if we are not able to convince our own parents then we how we are gone live in this world"
"at anycost i dont want to loose my parents"

if you really Love him, say OK. Caste and any other things dosent make sence. you may even feel bad on the caste but they also human. dont avoid them, please dont make the same mistake that all our parents did. its only within our hands to get this one up.

also think in this way, now a days everone running after money to live a happy life, here there is no time to look after others except your own family and friends.


at the time my family accepted my love, they dont now her caste. from the start my mom
not agreed fully. she said as your wise. My dad and sis on my side.
today on conversation they wanted to now the caste, i told them SC. we are FC.
Mom got totally upset. my dad again ok for me.

i am not not able o convince my mom, but still ok, but she is for sure and told, that she wont miggle with them. on the other side it seems to be ok.

hi chitti

please forgive me i am worng, i just wanted to share how i feel.

Hi Chitti,

I may be saying something, but yo have to follow your heart. I am also in the same situation here. I am in states and the girl I love is in India. Her parents are against the caste marriage. hey i would suggest yo to stop talking to him completely lets say for 2 weeks time and meanwhile just ask for this question everytime--''Do you love that guy?? do you think he can be your life partner??'' if its yes then I would suggest you to go with him.
Parents will agree after sometime when they will find that both of you are living happily
see this is a decision of lifetime and dont just sacrifice it for sake of your parents beause they are with you evrytime.you will not remain happy for your life time and will think of it everytime that what if i had married that guy..

chitti, just follow your heart and take decision urself and not just pasting some threads. I hope that you will take the right decision and will lie happy in ur life.

Kapil

Hi chitti,

I know how horrible situtation it is..coz I am in the same situation since couple years..I've been having many sleepless nights thinking about this.I can't leave him and neither I can marry him. My parents are completely against it..I can't blame them because I have this caste feeling too, I dislike that caste . I don't want to give this caste to my kids in future. Also, I am afraid that people around me would degrade me if i marry a lower community guy.but I like this guy..he loves me to death too.. I don't know what to do..I am really curious to know what decision you would take regarding your's.. Good luck!

All I can say is..... guys...its better to have a relationship with least differences.

Either think of the future and this caste system and ruin your present and your relationship with your guy or else think for the present and the ways how you can strengthen your bond with him and how would you convince your parents regarding this caste and all.

I guess parents only want that their children should be happy and live a secure life, tension free. Caste doesnt matter as long as the person you are with is the one who can love you the most on earth.

If this is what you can explain to your parents and to yourself too, then , I dont think you will face these bitter problems.

Fight for your love...try to make things work out..... atleast give it a try from the heart. I can only see you backing away from the present. This is certainly not done.

I know I am sounding philosophical, but thats what you guys got to do.

All the Best !!!
Bye.

Hi Pukit,

As you mentioned in your statement " ...its better to have a relationship with least differences.

", does that mean its better to get married within the same caste? OR ignore caste and see if you can be with a person who can just have the same likes and dislikes as you have?

Please clarify!