How can i convince my parents and my gf's parents for our intercaste marriage?

1) i m Arnav kumar 28yrs old, SC (MBA and MA) and my gf z 25yrs old Rajpoot (B.Com), and we r in a relationship with my gf for last 1.5yrs, and we both r aviation industry professional, my salary z 25000 and her z 11000. her parents are completely against the marriage and my family wont get agree until her family say Yes.
2) i am not at all rich in fact we have lil bit financial problems too and she belongs to a upper middle class.
3) i am not well settled guy and dont think that i am a perfect one for her, but always says that she will manage and she z also ready to break off with her parents forever.
4) her parents want her to marry with a guy who belongs to there caste, govt employee (Joint Engineer) salary could be 70000-80000 per month.
i love her so much thats y i dont want to lose her. her parents have chosen that guy for her.
now plz help me, coz we both dont want separation.

Hello arnav.kumar2012,

Its good that you thinking practically as far as this relationship is concerned. As I always say being in a relationship doesn't only mean hanging outs, watching movies, having fun, going to restraunts etc. It actually means you are taking someone's responsibility on you. So if you are thinking about your future in terms of finance, I guess this is something really good that you are doing.

Things would have been different if, you would have given it a thought long before entering into this relationship. May be, you would have refrained yourself from getting into love. But since, you both are in a relationship and love each other alot, I suggest you should initiate a talk with both the families and atleast try once to convince them.

Its okay, if they dont agree. Every parent has a dream that their daughter should be married to someone who is financially strong to keep her happy. They are absolutely correct if they are thinking so. All you need to do is make them realize that your commitment with their daughter is a decision taken after a very thoughtful process and that you really in love with her. You need to make them understand that its a bad time you are going through and you are making THE BEST of efforts to make things work out in your favor. You actually need to tell them that their concern is your concern too and that you will put in the best of your efforts to keep her financially strong and keep her happy.

A very deep, thoughtful, serious discussion is the need for the hour. Make them realize you value their daughter alot and that you will try your best to keep their concerns away.
So, all I can suggest you is, sit with her parents, talk to them and try to convince them. Tell them you need some time and you will definitely make things work out.

Don't feel sad or disheartened if they completely reject your proposal. The best part would be that you tried, so just feel proud about it. Talk to your girl on this and let me know what your next step would be.

Money should not be any issue here, in 5-6 years, you may be earning lot better than today and if she is from upper middle class family, why she is working for Rs. 11K monthly salary ?
I don't think their status is issue here, here they want someone more successful , thats it. What Pulkit said is also true but if you are seriously ready to take any trouble for your love, go ahead and marry her, rest should be fine.

Hi brother,

yes we have tried alot bt the situation has become worst, her parents is not talking to her, they are just avoiding her, now they blame her for each n everything, they even think that she discloses her family matters with me, i dont know what to do, she says that she will leave her home and will stay in any rented house, bt i dont want that, thats y i made her understand. her family has strictly rejected my me, now she is forcing me to run away from the home, bt i dont want to do that also, becoz i feel that this is not a right thing to do, thats y i told her, till the end of this year we will try our best to make them understand bt even after that they wont accept our relation then we will take this step, bt now when i had words with her cousin sister then also told me that "running away" from home is not right option and nobody will accept us after that, and her cousin sister is also against this step, thats y now i am totally confuse that, what to do..????
now plz suggest me any other option..
plzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz..
and she is doing this job to prove herself, and she has just stated her career with an airline, she always tell me that she can't just sit at home..
plz help us, becoz we dont hve much more time now, i hope you will try to help me, i m looking for ur reply, , plz reply as earliest as possible, thankyou brother.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Pulkit

Hello arnav.kumar2012,

Its good that you thinking practically as far as this relationship is concerned. As I always say being in a relationship doesn't only mean hanging outs, watching movies, having fun, going to restraunts etc. It actually means you are taking someone's responsibility on you. So if you are thinking about your future in terms of finance, I guess this is something really good that you are doing.

Things would have been different if, you would have given it a thought long before entering into this relationship. May be, you would have refrained yourself from getting into love. But since, you both are in a relationship and love each other alot, I suggest you should initiate a talk with both the families and atleast try once to convince them.

Its okay, if they dont agree. Every parent has a dream that their daughter should be married to someone who is financially strong to keep her happy. They are absolutely correct if they are thinking so. All you need to do is make them realize that your commitment with their daughter is a decision taken after a very thoughtful process and that you really in love with her. You need to make them understand that its a bad time you are going through and you are making THE BEST of efforts to make things work out in your favor. You actually need to tell them that their concern is your concern too and that you will put in the best of your efforts to keep her financially strong and keep her happy.

A very deep, thoughtful, serious discussion is the need for the hour. Make them realize you value their daughter alot and that you will try your best to keep their concerns away.
So, all I can suggest you is, sit with her parents, talk to them and try to convince them. Tell them you need some time and you will definitely make things work out.

Don't feel sad or disheartened if they completely reject your proposal. The best part would be that you tried, so just feel proud about it. Talk to your girl on this and let me know what your next step would be.

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Quote:

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Originally Posted by arnav.kumar2012

Hi brother,

yes we have tried alot bt the situation has become worst, her parents is not talking to her, they are just avoiding her, now they blame her for each n everything, they even think that she discloses her family matters with me, i dont know what to do, she says that she will leave her home and will stay in any rented house, bt i dont want that, thats y i made her understand. her family has strictly rejected my me, now she is forcing me to run away from the home, bt i dont want to do that also, becoz i feel that this is not a right thing to do, thats y i told her, till the end of this year we will try our best to make them understand bt even after that they wont accept our relation then we will take this step, bt now when i had words with her cousin sister then also told me that "running away" from home is not right option and nobody will accept us after that, and her cousin sister is also against this step, thats y now i am totally confuse that, what to do..????
now plz suggest me any other option..
plzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz..
and she is doing this job to prove herself, and she has just stated her career with an airline, she always tell me that she can't just sit at home..
plz help us, becoz we dont hve much more time now, i hope you will try to help me, i m looking for ur reply, , plz reply as earliest as possible, thankyou brother.

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Hello There,

Sometimes it happens when you fall in love with someone, you get yourself too much involved into it emotionally that your emotional front overcome your ability to make practical decisions. Same is the case here where due to your emotional bonding with your girlfriend you tend to make a decision which is not practical. Yes, this is somewhere true that running away and getting married is NOT the solution to the problem. It will not be a good decision either. Moreover it will create bigger problems for you both.

You have had tried almost everything to convince her family regarding marriage and the consequences are in front of you. Now, what is the thing that can be done ?? I understand you don't have much time and chances of things getting better are steep, but still, as you said you have this very year and you can try to make things work out, so I want you to do the same before you are left with no other option than ending with your relationship.

I am saying this because you have sometime till the end of this year, and I strongly believe that anything can happen anytime. I don't want to give you false hope, but at the same time I want you to keep trying for it, because here you know what you have to do at the end of the year.

See, somewhere you know things are getting difficult to handle and the chances for them to go better in near future are about evens, that is, 50%. And you also know, what the ultimate decision of yours will be. You are clear with your thoughts that you are NOT running away and getting married. The worst that can happen, would be that you have to end up everything someday and this is very well known to you and somewhere you are mentally prepared for it, both of you.

So, how about working really hard for that remaining 50% in which you can put in the best of your efforts to organize and make things work out in your favor. You never know what life has in store for you next. Sometimes the unexpected happens. So, when things are so much uncertain, then there is no point in leaving your hope.

Now, lets come to the main part of it, how to do the things ?? I am not experienced in this. Its just that, I can give you some suggestions, which I feel should work. You have seen the outcome of the step that you have taken. Their behavior towards their daughter has changed drastically, which shows that they are damn bothered about her and they fear that she might do any harm either to herself or to the reputation of her family. So, you need to assure them first, that nothing like that is ever going to happen and they should stop worrying about that. You are here to convince them so that they can accept you as a part of their family. There is nothing that you want from them except their daughters hand. You actually need to develop that trust in their heart for you that yes, you care and your love for her is not an immature love.

Moreover, you can try to convince your family and try to organize a meeting between the elders and let them do the talking and decide onto things. There may be chances that her parents are not able to trust you, but might understand the situation and consider giving it a second thought.

Also, if her cousin sister is elder to her, you can involve her in this. She can, if she wants, initiate a talk at her house with her mother personally. I am not sure, but still, there are chances that her mother might connect well with her cousin sister (woman-woman bonding).

So, in a nutshell, its you both who have to do. What steps you take, how effective steps you take depends on you. What will happen in the future, nobody knows. You can only try that things happen your way.

Stay in touch and do let us know whats happening !!! We are here for all possible help..!!!


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sxUw5c0uWgc

Well Arnav, No one can give you advice,it's all up to you. It is very sensitive matter and it's up to you how sensibly you and your girlfriend handle it. You can understand this fact that every parents want to see their child happy and in case of girl this thing is more necessary. I hope you both understand your parents feelings and don't take any stupid decision. Rest leave to GOD.