My Ex wants me to get marry elsewhere but I can't

i am in love with a guy. i truly and intensely feel for him but i broke up with him 6 years ago because i met with an accident at that time and was not in a position to marry him. my mother had realized that i was in a relationship and was opposed to it like hell. so i used this opportunity and posed before him as if for my mother's sake i am ending the relationship when actually it was due to my health. he is now married for two years but has contacted me after six years....he wants to be friends with me and has told me that he had a doubt that the reason i quoted at that time was not the correct one......now i have told him the real reason and inside he is very angry with me....but i can sense he is happy with his new love and that is the only thing i want from life....my problem is i don't want to get married because i can't love any one else and he is insisting that i get married because life is difficult and u need a partner...i don't know what to do? i can't forget him and his memories because there has never been any animosity or ill feelings between us only love and understanding.....

Hi Dear Friend,

Thanks for writing to us.

Really sorry for the unfortunate incident that had happened with you in the past, which lead to all this. I guess, things are okay now, are they?

About marriage, different people have different notions. Some believe, marriage is essential, other hold a different opinion. Where some feel, getting marriage is the ultimate settlement to life, when you enter in a different phase with different set of responsibilities, different challenges, others feel that there's no need of marriage when you can take care of your own self better than anybody else, when the fear of loosing one's own freedom starts concerning him/her or when, like in your case, you are not in a position to invest yourself emotionally in a relationship.

But, if have to give my personal word of advice, I would say marrying someone and settling down in life is a good idea. May be not now but may be, few years later you will realize the importance of a partner. There comes a gap at some stage in your life when in spite of having everything around you, there's a sense of incompleteness. Who wouldn't like to be loved, taken care of, pampered or have someone with whom he/she can share his/her thoughts, dreams, fears etc? Everybody does, right? Perhaps, this is what your ex-boyfriend feels for you too. With your present situation, he is perhaps a little more concerned about you. And why shouldn't he be? Even after 6 long years of separation, there are still feelings, strings attached and hence the care.

Had I been at his place, I would have suggested the same to you. You wanted him to stay happy at the cost of separating him from you because you suffered an accident. And he agreed to your words, trusting you on your honesty. Now, its time when life wants you to pay him back the "cost" of separation. I believe, you should take his word and think of getting married. There's absolutely no harm.


Now, I'll tell you the complete thing, which I'm sure is nothing new to you.

To begin, we have to understand the heart.

The simple and complicated truth is this: Once your heart deeply connects with another person, it can be very difficult to let him go. So difficult, in fact, that even if you know he’s not the right person for you or the right time for you, you still hang on because the depth of connection is so strong.

This connection may only be felt in moments. Or perhaps it was felt years ago and hasn’t surfaced in awhile. Unfortunately, none of that matters. All that does is the fact that the heart-connection existed, and because of this it is hard to say goodbye.
We all have the capacity to feel deep love. When we exchange this deep love with others, we see them in an incredible light. This is called unconditional love.

If you have ever shared a moment of unconditional love with someone, then you know how powerful the bond is. Unconditional love allows you to overlook human flaws, which is part of the magnificence of the experience.

But, life is unpredictable and everything is temporary. You had met with an accident and you parted ways with your ex, so that he can stay happy and live freely. He loves you till this day and want to see you settled in life with someone who could keep you happy and secure in ways not less that your ex-boyfriend would have done. But because of this unconditional feeling of love that you have in your heart for him, you are in no mood of getting married to someone else.

But life is not going to stop for even a second. What happened back then was your misfortune and it was your call to end the relationship. But 6 years have passed and its a really long time for you to leave behind all the mishappenings from the past and move on in life with new energy and enthusiasm. This is really good, trust me.

It doesn't really matter if you are not able to invest yourself emotionally, at the very start. Anybody would have felt the same in first place. But you need to understand, this is not how things work and they will never work if you don't stop your heart from comparing the two individuals - your ex boyfriend and your future partner. This is the most important thing that you need to realize. Let go off the fear of loosing the next person and stop comparing him from your ex. Try to realize the good qualities in him and make yourself understand first, that he is there for you, he loves you, wants to be with you and you CAN DEFINITELY LOVE HIM, if you allow yourself.

Here are few things:

1) Find love within yourself.
The love within you will be your rock as you begin to separate from the love you felt outside of yourself, in him.

You will have moments of wanting to go back to him; in these moments you must call upon your strength within. Without it, it’s going to be very difficult to say goodbye.


2) Grieve
I know you don’t want to, but there’s no skipping this step. Saying goodbye to someone you love is sad. It is. So cry. Cry a lot.

Luckily, if you feel unconditional love for your ex, that feeling never goes away. While the form of your relationship will change, your care for him will not. Remember that.


3) You have to know (it’s called faith, dear) that you can feel a deep connection with another man, too.
You can love again! You can go further and deeper into love than you’ve ever been before. You just have to let go first, then the new love can come in.

I know you’re scared that you may never feel a love that strong again. But trust me, you can and you will. Faith will take you a long way. Do not lose sight of what you want.


I guess, I was able to make you understand things clearly.





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