Can't accept despit of knowing what is right and whats happening! What to do?
At present all i knw is..everthng is over now..bt still suffering from a pain,,an unbearable pain,d rsn is my love...
i and my frnd..yes d word is "MY"..b'coz i thnk he is my frnd only..i m not his frnd.if i were then thngs must b diffrnt as they r going now a days.
this guy was unknown to me, 3 yrs ago..the only thng dat i knew abt him is his name(RV) and live in kanpur(my home town),,he was a frnd of my room-mate(sonia) dat's why he had my cntact no. that's all..bt one day i got a news from sonia,that RV lost his father in an accdnt,he was an army-officer..aftr dat she started crying and i too,,at that time our examinations were going on..nxt day after exam we came to our place(hostel),we were discussing abt the unusual death of his father..he was the elder one in his house after his father and there was no source of income too behind his father,,bt we cn undrstnd all these things,,he cn't...aftr all he'd lost his father,his god..
i dn't knw why..bt i requested sonia to give him a mental support,as dat was the only thing we can do at that time..bt b'coz of some reasons she deny.. i was in trouble,,want to help him,,want to make him feel dat he is not alone..nxt morning,i got a msg from him on my phone at the ending he had written LATE RV.SINGH
reading this i started crying and called him,,jst shout on him as he is my family member..he too burst out
after dat day i decided to help him,,any how..bt actually dn't knw how..?? but the first thng i started is to keep in a regular touch wid him by txtng him..and when he used to write LATE RV i used to write LATE anvesha..i used to do all those nonsense things which makes him fell happy,,makes him laugh at me..:) as the time passes we bcms good-freinds..after some mnths i came in contact with his family too..his mother,sister..we were in regular contact,,he used to share all his talks and feeling to me related to his father,,i respect him a lot..the only thing i knew is dat he was my frnd and i hv to do anythng for making him happy..he cmpleted his graduation and went to delhi for coaching..i was jst behaving like a girlfriend,was taking care of everything,his diet,his clothing ,his sleeping time..everthng was in my control..:),,we both were too happy bt untill den we were only frnds..bt dn't knw when we both fall in love wid each-other,,really even we dn't knw who frstly proposed b/w us....and after a year we met to each other,the first time in our life.:)we went for lunch den a movie,,den straight towards our respective homes,,we both were too happy,,we met each-other the first time bt i was feeling so touched with him,,den on my b'day he prepared d most beautiful wall for me wid the words "LOVE U A LOT" on it and posted it on my fb wall..:) he was too cute and sweet,,bt suddenly aftr 10 days he send me his photograph wid a girl..i felt jealous,,dat was our first fight..actually he had lots of freind girls and boys both,,bt i have no one,,means i have a frnd-circle too bt no such types of close frnd tht he had..At my side evry one knews dat i was in relation-ship wid him bt at his side his frnd were still teasing him wid diffrnt names,,dat i hates the most..but still,, all these love and frndshp b/w us is at one side and his family is on one side for me and for him too...we fights bt at nights we again talk abt our studies,our family and him..we used to do talks at msgs all the day and phone calls at nights,,i used send his lovly msgs back to him when i missed him,,he loved me for doing this..i still remember one day he himself asked me to do court-marriage..:) actually he is too much,,in jst a seconed he can be too romantic and in another seconed he can turn into a wild RV,shouting at me.. whenever we fought wid eachother,,i used to cry at phone...bt he never listen a single word,,and started blaming me for all those fights..and everytime i said that i m sorry dat was my fault even it was him responsible for sometimes(thinking dat he is suffering from bad conditions in his life)..bt in all these 2 yrs he never said a single sorry to me,,even he started to hates me for crying over the phone..after some days,,he asked me to stop msging,,i asked why..?? he said his phone is public property anyone can read d msgs,,i cn't undrstnd why now,,is it not a public property a year ego..?? bt still i thought if he said that then i should follow him,shayad koi baat hogi tbhi to kaha hai usne..anyway after somedays he started ignoring me,,ignoring my calls...and started gettng irritated wid my conversation,,only when he wants to talk he called up...else shouts at me,,i was unable to udrstnd what was going on..?? after my graduation i went to kapur for an intvw,,there i went to his place(his home),,we enjoyed a lot,,we kissed each-other..i gifted him a wallet wid a photograph of his father inside it..he was too happy,,he left me at the auto stand on his bycycle..it was too awesome really,,it jst seems i was flying..:) then after 20 days i was in lucknow he was coming there wid his 2-3 frnds for a paper..i thought to give him a surprise,,i wnt at his exam centr..bt he ignored me and went out in an auto,,i thought shyad wo hme dekh n paya ho..i called him bt still he was ignoring me,,so i decided to come back at my room,,suddenly he called me and said where r u..?? i m at charbhagh station,listening his voice i forgot all my pain and said let's meet..he was wid his freinds,we all spend some time together and then left for our places...as usual at night i called him up and asked him,,reached home..?? he said no..bt i cn hear his mother voice,,i asked why r u lying..?? he just said why should i tell u everythng,,y r u acting like a gf..why dn't u leave me..plzz stop calling me,,please leave me...
i said nothing to him,,that whole night i was crying..nxt day around noon i called him and said u knw my result has come,,he said then why r u calling me for dat..shouts at me and cut the phone.i'd snd him a million msgs bt he never rplies..after few days,,i was working on my laptop,in my other browser his gmail was logged in..i was going through it normally,,suddenly i saw a mail in his sent box written to sonali..it was actually a love-letter...a heart broken love letter,,dat letter was written exactly the 7 days before the day we kissed each-other..it makes me to feel like that everythng b/w us was fake. i txt him that i saw dat mail..he called me up and again he shouts at me to go through his mails..and asked me to never make a single txt or call to him otherwise he will change his no. i said okay and put down the phone..
after 4 months of trouble,,on my b'day he called me,,actually it was 23 nov as on 21 nov my phone was off,,i cn't celebrate my b'day widout him so my phone was off on 21..on 23rd we talk to each other almost for 2hrs,,he also talk to my mother..i was too happy dat he remembered my b'day..:) then after 10 days he called me again,,now we were talking to each other in our original tones,,i.e as a gf and bf...after 2 days i had to went my hostel for some paper work..he was at the same place at the same time,,he asked me to cme on a date and said that he wants to kiss me,,i just said i want to talk u,,i want to meet u as a frnd as my old frnd to whom i cn share anything..nothng more den dat,,he laughed at me,,i said plzz meet me,,he said no.,,i dn't knw why..??
nxt night he called me,,asked evrythng is ok..? i said no,,i want to meet u,,i luv u..he said is it my fault dat u love me..i broked out,,he again shouts at me..i dn't knw wat to do,,so i cut the phone..promish myself to never call him again in my whole life...i m feeling so guilty,,the only words hurting me d most is dat he always used to said that ki kuch bhi ho jaye jeevan me tm kbhi meri frndshp mt todna..bt shyad hm apni frndshp nahi nibha skte,,i hv not such power to treat him jst like a frnd aftr such a long relation and romance.
i respect him a lot,,love him a lot and missing him a lot,,still reading all his msgs,,dat loving msgs.. and
still consoling myself that he dsn't love me..and trying to figure out my mistake..!!
dn't knw how what to do..!!!
