What is my relationship status and my marriage ?

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03-07-2012, 12:13 PM
nikh_gupt

What is my relationship status and my marriage ?

Hi,
I am male 27, I love a girl at my past company. Initially we were very good friends. we used to share our feelings. we used to chat late night daily.
we used to sit together during commutation to office. so you can say we used to spend almost day together.
then i started liking her, i told he. her ae is 23. she told that she is not ready for marriage now. she is too young to decide for marriage. but we continued as same as friend.
whenever i used to push her again she used to ignore me for few day but used to come back within few days.
this year 2012, we went for a trip for 3 days. there we became close. i felt her neck. when we came back she accepted my proposal.
I left comany and after that shw was missing me so much.. crying.. she ven started to come office without ornaments and all.. saying who is there to see me..
she was like i already feel that i am your wife.
in between we did phone sex on sms 2-3 times. last time was before valentine night 14 feb 2012.
we knew that there could be problem with famliy side.
we kept our relation to ourself. She spoke to her sister and cousin brother about me.. She told me that they are not open for intercast marriage.
now the problem comes..
on valentine , i sent her flowers to her office. She got angry to saying that people in my ofice were asking me who sent flowers. It was uncomfertable for her.
She came home and told parent k someone sent me flowers. parenst told that we will get you married soon. we dont like love and all.
next day i said sorry, for that she replied that she is not in position to think and very disturbed.
She needed to move to new team. she said "I have new task coming up in office and i cant focus because of so much going around".
She ignore me afterwards and became rude to me. after 3 days i asked why? she told that she is feeling guilty for phone sex.
i should do this only after marriage.
after that she started to behave like friend. and last week, for very small fight, she made point that i have made my decision. you move on.
i tried to speak but She said.. i dont love you infact i hate you for loving me so much. i can only think of marriage situation.
She is ignoring me and not speaking to me.
I know that its mostly beacuse of caste problem.i am independent and earns very good.
i told her to be calm..let me speak to your parents or sister atleast. but she is not ready.
during last 3 weeks after valentine , I lost every thing.
I miss her so much. i feel lonely. i am very sad. i love her so much.
what should i do?
03-07-2012, 12:34 PM
Aarish Rizvi

It is very clear she has decided not to marry. She has made her choice and now she is looking for excuse to make distances from you. She loves you but she has given up. Let someone else to talk to her whom she respect, have clear discussion to know whether its final decision. And even then if she says yes, then for her, you should move on.
03-07-2012, 01:20 PM
nikh_gupt

Hmm

Quote:

Originally Posted by Yahoo

It is very clear she has decided not to marry. She has made her choice and now she is looking for excuse to make distances from you. She loves you but she has given up. Let someone else to talk to her whom she respect, have clear discussion to know whether its final decision. And even then if she says yes, then for her, you should move on.

yes even i understand, but it's very difficult. I feel very bad. my mind is spining.
03-07-2012, 01:22 PM
nikh_gupt

if she loves me why she is not letting me speak to her parents or sis? why she is not directly speaking to me as friend that this is problem.
03-07-2012, 08:58 PM
Pulkit

Hello nikh_gupt,

I went through your problem statement and things are now going steep in your life. Well, as of now just do one thing, give her sometime to calm down and decide on what she wants from her life. Its just that she is angry and she said all this in her disappointment. So give her sometime to concentrate on her life and office stuffs as she is feeling it difficult to manage both her worlds together.

DONT PRESS HER FOR MARRIAGE for few weeks as this might ruin the situation as well. Regarding intercast marriage, things will be dealt later. Right now its time that you should concentrate more on making her feel secure than trying to increase the intimacies between you both. She is feeling insecure and this is probably the reason why her interest in other things has deceased considerably. Stop everything and give her sometime to ask herself as to what she wants from her life and if she really loves you or was it just an infatuation or a physical attraction.

When the time is right, you can very well talk to her parents regarding your marriage with her. Also, I would advice to talk to her sister and cousin brother first and try to get them in your support. This might help you out when you will actually deal with her parents.

All The Best !!
Take Care !!
03-07-2012, 10:10 PM
Aarish Rizvi

I partially agree with Pulkit, he is right that intercaste things can be dealt later, currently you have to first ensure whether she wants to be with you by heart or not.

Actually, here situation is more like that she loves but she has given up and lost hopes. She is now being materialistic but this all confirms that her love for you is strong. But she has gone weaker, she see no hope that she can ever marry you, this is the reason she don't want you to talk to her family. If you go to her family, they will get to know about you, it will ruin their trust in her.

That is why I suggested you to make someone your face, someone who is respectable in her family , who can convince them for you. And it all should be gradual , not a sudden burst.

On the other hand, as Pulkit says, give her a time, like a week or so, see if she can resist or not.
03-07-2012, 11:25 PM
Pulkit

Quote:

Originally Posted by Yahoo

I partially agree with Pulkit, he is right that intercaste things can be dealt later, currently you have to first ensure whether she wants to be with you by heart or not.

Actually, here situation is more like that she loves but she has given up and lost hopes. She is now being materialistic but this all confirms that her love for you is strong. But she has gone weaker, she see no hope that she can ever marry you, this is the reason she don't want you to talk to her family. If you go to her family, they will get to know about you, it will ruin their trust in her.

That is why I suggested you to make someone your face, someone who is respectable in her family , who can convince them for you. And it all should be gradual , not a sudden burst.

On the other hand, as Pulkit says, give her a time, like a week or so, see if she can resist or not.

Hello Yahoo,

Sorry to say but I am not in agreement to what you said about " make someone your face, someone who is respectable in her family" as I feel its not good to fake in front of the girl's parents. He, himself should go and talk to her parents only when things get under control. Right now, due to over pressure of her marriage with her, her family interference with her personal life and her office work, she is actually getting confused as to what to do and what not to. Yes, you can say that she has lost her hopes and is feeling bit insecure about her future, that is why I have advised him to leave the matter for few weeks and give her some time to decide on things on her hand , herself.

Thanks for supporting my reasons.

Thank You !!
Take Care !!!
03-08-2012, 10:44 AM
Sonam Rathee

I think she loves you but she is afraid of her family not accepting you.
03-08-2012, 11:03 AM
Sahiba Zehra

I don't agree Sonam. I think she was only attracted to him but now she realized that it is not the real love.
03-09-2012, 07:24 AM
nikh_gupt

Should i stop talking to her?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pulkit

Hello nikh_gupt,

I went through your problem statement and things are now going steep in your life. Well, as of now just do one thing, give her sometime to calm down and decide on what she wants from her life. Its just that she is angry and she said all this in her disappointment. So give her sometime to concentrate on her life and office stuffs as she is feeling it difficult to manage both her worlds together.

DONT PRESS HER FOR MARRIAGE for few weeks as this might ruin the situation as well. Regarding intercast marriage, things will be dealt later. Right now its time that you should concentrate more on making her feel secure than trying to increase the intimacies between you both. She is feeling insecure and this is probably the reason why her interest in other things has deceased considerably. Stop everything and give her sometime to ask herself as to what she wants from her life and if she really loves you or was it just an infatuation or a physical attraction.

When the time is right, you can very well talk to her parents regarding your marriage with her. Also, I would advice to talk to her sister and cousin brother first and try to get them in your support. This might help you out when you will actually deal with her parents.

All The Best !!
Take Care !!

Hmm even i feel i should give her time ff. She is not speaking to me properly. She just answers if sent a text normally. how was your day? kind off..

so should i stop talking to her and texting her completly?
03-09-2012, 07:31 AM
nikh_gupt

I agree

Quote:

Originally Posted by Yahoo

I partially agree with Pulkit, he is right that intercaste things can be dealt later, currently you have to first ensure whether she wants to be with you by heart or not.

Actually, here situation is more like that she loves but she has given up and lost hopes. She is now being materialistic but this all confirms that her love for you is strong. But she has gone weaker, she see no hope that she can ever marry you, this is the reason she don't want you to talk to her family. If you go to her family, they will get to know about you, it will ruin their trust in her.

That is why I suggested you to make someone your face, someone who is respectable in her family , who can convince them for you. And it all should be gradual , not a sudden burst.

On the other hand, as Pulkit says, give her a time, like a week or so, see if she can resist or not.

It can be decided later also that what would be appropriate to talk directly or indirectly to her parents.

My question is how to deal right now? I agree that she lost hope and see no way to marry now.
but why is she ignoring me? She can talk to me and discuss. rather She is being rude and tyyiing to hurt me. This is more sad than he no :(
03-09-2012, 11:53 AM
Pulkit

Quote:

Originally Posted by nikh_gupt

Hmm even i feel i should give her time ff. She is not speaking to me properly. She just answers if sent a text normally. how was your day? kind off..

so should i stop talking to her and texting her completly?

Hello nikh_gupt,
Its not like that you should stop texting or talking to her but realize that a relationship needs sometime to flourish, sometime to develop. So give some time to this relationship. Its just been few weeks or months, perhaps, since you guys are in a relationship which is actually a very less time. So, just stay cool and calm and dont worry..things will be fine. Handle things practically and try to make her yours completely only then you can actually think of talking to her parents. Right now she is confused as to get into a relationship with you or walk out. So, if she herself is not yours completely, then, sir, you need sometime to make things work your way.

Text her..talk to her of general things..common topics, help her in her work because you both belong to the same working domain, i guess. Take some time out foor refreshment...enjoy your life..go to restraunts, movies, parties hang out together...make her feel comfortable. And when you feel that yes she has developed those feelings for you, yes she is ready to become you life-partner, then ofcourse you can get down on your knees and ask for her hand. I am sure, she will be yours. :-)

Okay , sir ???

All The Best !!
Take Care!!
03-12-2012, 07:31 AM
nikh_gupt

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pulkit

Hello nikh_gupt,
Its not like that you should stop texting or talking to her but realize that a relationship needs sometime to flourish, sometime to develop. So give some time to this relationship. Its just been few weeks or months, perhaps, since you guys are in a relationship which is actually a very less time. So, just stay cool and calm and dont worry..things will be fine. Handle things practically and try to make her yours completely only then you can actually think of talking to her parents. Right now she is confused as to get into a relationship with you or walk out. So, if she herself is not yours completely, then, sir, you need sometime to make things work your way.

Text her..talk to her of general things..common topics, help her in her work because you both belong to the same working domain, i guess. Take some time out foor refreshment...enjoy your life..go to restraunts, movies, parties hang out together...make her feel comfortable. And when you feel that yes she has developed those feelings for you, yes she is ready to become you life-partner, then ofcourse you can get down on your knees and ask for her hand. I am sure, she will be yours. :-)

Okay , sir ???

All The Best !!
Take Care!!

Thanks again pulikt.
I am following your advice and talking to her. She is just replying my msgs but not sending or disussing anything that she used to do.
saturday night i msged her, She talked normally for few minutes and said that She is going to sleep at 11 Pm. She generally sleeps very late. She told that we wil talk tommorow. She didn't messaged me yesterday.
Today I said Good morning, She replied normally.
I feel that She has made up her mind and even don't want to continue our friendship.
One thing that is troubling me most is, Why She suddenly stoped everying and just started speaking like move on and all. She didn't bother to discuss.

Should i try to speak to her about it?
03-12-2012, 07:21 PM
Pulkit

Quote:

Originally Posted by nikh_gupt

Thanks again pulikt.
I am following your advice and talking to her. She is just replying my msgs but not sending or disussing anything that she used to do.
saturday night i msged her, She talked normally for few minutes and said that She is going to sleep at 11 Pm. She generally sleeps very late. She told that we wil talk tommorow. She didn't messaged me yesterday.
Today I said Good morning, She replied normally.
I feel that She has made up her mind and even don't want to continue our friendship.
One thing that is troubling me most is, Why She suddenly stoped everying and just started speaking like move on and all. She didn't bother to discuss.

Should i try to speak to her about it?

Hello nikh_gupt,
I really dont think so its time for you to speak to her on matters of marriage. She is a bit disturbed mentally and needs some time off to relax. So, instead of talking to her, take her out for some fun and make her feel good and pleasant. See basically the matter is very much new. Its just been few days since this problem has come into your life. So I would advice you not to enlarge it any further.

Regarding messages, I would rather ask you to call her up instead of messaging her. Atleast by this you will get an idea whats actually going in her mind. Its okay, she used to talk to you late but this time its quiet possible that she has some office work and other stuff to concentrate.

Sir, your relationship is not yet strong. To build a good relationship, one needs to devote a lot of time to it. When you feel that yes you had a lot of fun together on any day of week/month... you both have a alot of laughs together, it will be the time when you can ask her about this sudden change in her behavior. It would infact be the best time to start a topic like this. She would rather feel comfortable to talk to you over this.

I hope you got my point there.

Take Care !!!
All The Best !!!