Intercast marriage-Well settled and qualified girlfriend brainwashed by parents

Hi am Akshay, well settled and has the best job. I am in relationship with a girl who also works with me. We have been in relationship for a year now. recently(10 days ago) our family met and we officially put the marriage proposal. However within a day her parents refused to get her married to me. They never told us the reason but as told by the girl earlier , the parents are totally opposed to the intercaste marriage. ALso they are extended family (Tau, Mama, Dadi, Nana) and her Nana takes marriage decision.

she tried to convince them for few days and even threatend to never get married again and to quit job but still parents are unmoved. Now the parents have become successful in brainwashing her. the girl is not at all talking to me now. She is not replying to my message. She told one of our mutual friends that parents wont ever agree to our marriage and its better that i get married somewhere else. She said that caste is not a major issue in this decision.

i tried to talk with everyone in her family, her mother father, sister but no one is picking up my call. I am not able to think clearly here. She hasnt even told me the exact reason why we cant get married. We both are well qualified and financially independent and love each other very much. She was very happy the day our parents met. Now if not the caste, what other reason could be for such refusal. also what should I do, nobody in girl family is ready to talk to me. Also girl is not talking to me. I m feeling very helpless.

someone plz help...i am not able to think clearly here.

Hi Akshay,

Thank You for writing to us.


Well, whatever the reason is, even if its the opposition to inter-caste marriage, your girlfriend has decided to marry someone else not because she has been brain-washed, but she is hurt within and don't want to hurt you which is why she has decided to sacrifice her love, happiness, feelings for the sake of her parents and you.

I understand that you guys are educated and well settled in your life's but the point here is to take a firm stand against parents and convince them anyhow to marry their daughter to you. You have an advantage that your own family is acquainted
with the girl's side. So, if required you can send your parents to talk to her family members and convince them for the marriage. A talk between the elder members of the family is not a casual one, its a high end discussion which will lead to certain outcome.

So, as of now, most importantly, talk to your girlfriend, meet her somewhere outside in person and ask her to hold herself strong. If she really wants to get married, she will, provided that she shouldn't get weak in the times when you need her support the most. Make her understand by gaining her confidence that you will do whatsoever possible to make her our bride. Keep your entire feelings out and make her realize your infinite, indefinite love for her. Tell her how badly you want her and how much you wanted to do for her for your entire life.

Sir, until and unless you get her into confidence, you cannot do anything. Each and every of your effort should be backed up by her. If she doesn't support you, all your efforts will be flushed down to the gutter. So, its very important for her to keep her cool, be patient and don't loose hope in you and her love for you.

Talking about rest, try to visit to her family ( you have still not become a family enemy, so I believe they will welcome you ) and talk to her father. Try to explain him what she mean to you and how much you guys love each other. Make him understand the gravity of the situation and your feelings for her. Tell him that you will do whatever possible to keep her happy.

If this doesn't work, you can talk to your parents and ask them to meet her family. Allow the elders to talk and discuss the matter. They will define a conclusion for you.

thanks for support brother. it has been most difficult weeks for me. i finally met her by visiting at her residence(not home, she is in a hostel for working ladies). on seeing me, she jumped shouted and ran away. the reaction was so strange tht i was dumbfounded for a moment. i talked to her that day and the next. even after all my efforts she didnt tell me what happened at her home. who opposed and who agree. she maintained the stand that she doesnt love me anymore and i m wasting my time convincing her. she now maintaining a physical distance and doesnt want to be seen with me anymore. she said that she planned to get married next month itself and doesnt care abt me at all.
i know my situation seems hopeless now, i just want to know whether anyone has experience such things or even heard of. i myself is at loss of word to describe this. one day girl wants to marry me and the next day she doesnt even wants to see me or talk to me. she hardly fought for our bright future she used to talk about so often. her reaction make me doubt whether she is in some panic or anxiety attack. how can a girl love ( i m sure of this) one day and stop loving next day. some suggestion please.

I dont think its like she stopped loving u all of a sudden.. Instead of running away frm u, she shud talk to u abt this.. But anyway..The reason behind this could be result of the issues discussed btw parents during meeting.. I dont see any sign of caste issue coz if its so ur parents wud hav never agreed upon meeting... See one suggestion is that u cant talk with the girl and her family but u can talk with ur parents.. Abt the issues that were discussed btw ur and her parents.. Mayb u will get a clue.. Try to tell your girl that every relationship comes at a certain cost of risks and responsiblities.. Its abt ur whole life.. Its very easy to make a relationship but it takes guts to sustain it by fighting out allthe odds together... Tell her dont b a coward or fool herself saying that she doesnt want u or love u... In case she marries someone else,4 lives will b spoiled... Dont loose hope.. Goodluck buddy..

Hi Akshay,


Firstly, she is not getting married next month. She said this to you so that you stay away from her.

Keep it low now for few days. She needs time to think and evaluate on her own. She needs to decide what is right and what's wrong. If you guys have a common friend, you should take his/her help in acknowledging what happened at her house. Is she threatened by her family, etc ? Your common friend might be of some help.

Also, rest the matter for a while and then strike again. You have a situation at hand. First, convince your own girlfriend to marry you, to keep the hope alive, to stay strong in times of difficulty and most importantly, believe in you. Second, convince her family for the same. Right now, she is very disturbed and mentally weak. She is hitting emotional bottoms and needs a back up. She is almost on a verge of breaking up. Time demands an emotional support for her. Let the matter rest for a while and wait for the things to normalize. Later, you can talk to her. Take her out, explain to her the things, win her confidence, ask her to stay strong and believe in you.

Your family is aware of your relationship now. Request your parents to initiate a talk with her family. Tings will be clear to much extend.

I feel for you brother. I went through same thing before. Only options I see is go wait patience and give them time. It didnt work for me but I hope work for you and you are happy.

thanks brothers... i had no contact with her for last two weeks, giving her time to rethink... hope things get allright soon...

Hi Akshay,



Its fine. You can talk to her now or if you want, you can give her one week more.

Go to her hostel and try to take her out with you to some place where you guys can openly talk in fresh air without creating a scene. Speak your heart out. Express your love for her completely. Don't stop until you have poured out with your feelings completely. If there is an emotional outburst either from your or her side, let it come out. Convince her not to give up now. Explain to her how important she is to you and how desperately you want this marriage to happen. Swear to her to agree that she is being forced upon doing all this and that, she still love you from heart. Break her emotionally. If she is been brain washed by her parents, you also know her emotionally equally. Get her to talk. Tell her its easy to be in a relationship, but to sustain in it, is equally difficult. Make her strong through whatever means you can. Win her confidence by showing to her what plans you have for future and you do you plan to work things out.

Sir, put in the best of your efforts. If she is brain washed, she can brought back to reality. If she has stopped feeling for you or if she is too much scared to take any stand, there is no point in putting in any more efforts. It would be late. You can give few tries to make her understand that you are damn serious about her but if someone is just not ready to listen to you, I am afraid nothing much that can be done.

But don't think negative. Do your best. I am positive, you will get through.

no contact from her side for a month now. is there no hope left.

should i initiate contact considering how disrespectful she had been while breaking up.

Hi Akshay,



I feel so, yes. Start things afresh. Initiate a conversation with her again. No contact from her side for a month, still don't loose hope. Have a little, atleast.

Being her boyfriend, you have all rights to know why and how did she do all this to you. Even if things don't improve or become smooth, atleast get from her the reason behind all this. This is very important. It will tell what went wrong and how you can mend things up. Get the root cause.

Please keep it in mind not to argue or quibble with her. Your work is to correct the things, not to mess them further. Talk sensibly and logically. Explain her through wise and logical reasons wherever you feel she is wrong. Hit the emotions, bring her down and break her. She will open up.

Hi, long time since I posted. Some of the worst moment i have faced in this time. But now the reality has come out in the open.
My Ex is getting married to a guy of the same caste as of mine. The boy is slightly rich then me and slightly younger. Dont know what to say now. for one and half year of knowing her, i couldnt read her character. she is such a bad person that in last 3 month, havenot even asked for my well being or anything. a girl who used to talk for hours with me, planned future with me took no time in dumping me as soon as she got a slightly better match and didnt have a second thought at all.

Hi Akshay,



Well, this is really surprising and shocking to know that a girl could do that at a blink of an eye. She has set forth a really selfish and mean example of her.

I don't know if I should say this or not, but feel glad that you are not hung up with her. If a slightest of brain wash could change her mind, then you can very well understand how shallow her feelings and emotions would have been. Feel good everything happened now.

Really strange and difficult to digest. Anyways, things happen for something good. There are people who can never be true to anyone, not even themselves. For simple reasons, money was always her priority. Feelings and emotions meant nithing to her. Don't worry, life definitely has something better for you in store. All you got to do is, wait for it to arrive.

i know, nd its good that she reveal her true color in broad daylight. i dont deserve someone who can sell my love for money/comfort.
i wish she regret sometimes in future when she cant find happiness in money. Possession and Desire are contradictory after all.

thnx everyone for immense help u gave me in this time. I am going to party now 😄

Well Akshay, that should be the spirit. No achievement or success is meaningful when your loved ones are not with you. All these luxuries are temporary in life. What stays with you is your respect and love of others.

Don't worry, life isn't the same always. Be assured, she will regret on her decisions later. You did your level best to make things fall right in place. Your work is over.

Try to move on and enjoy what life has to offer.