Long Distance Relationship - started with wrong BBM but he is a mystery

Hi All,

I am in a long distance relationship for the last 3 years. It was a wrong bbm pin mistakenly added which led us to start interacting over bbm.. Initial one year we did not chat much. But conversation picked up and we soon fell for each other... He sends me all those lovey dovey msgs and says he loves me alot. He never talks much about his family except that he once told me about his mom dad sister etc. Even his business i do not have much clarity off except a petrol pump he visits. He added me on facebook 2nd yr of our relationship. He talks about meeting but has never made first move. I am a single independent girl working on a high end job. I easily have guys in the proximity wanting to be with me but i want to ignore all of them and go for him. Is it because of the mystery surrounding him or is it love? As he never made the effort to meet finally i have decided to go to Jaipur (where he resides) meet and finally decide for the relationship. We rarely talk on the phone like once in months. we have never skyped or facetimed(as he does not like it). He sends me lot of intimate forwards whcih i do not like and have told him many times to stop. He does speak of having life with me marriage could be on cards but we have never like normal couples kept cute names, talked of kids, life with each other, moving ahead. Its not that he does not have time and resources to make it here (as he recently had opened a hotel and their family has a pump and he does have a business in partnership) So i am sure it is something else. I am too tempted to be in this relationship. I generally tend to build walls around me and dont let many people let in. I have just 1 best friend and my free time is spent with mom dad, my best friend and exclusively my work. This is one thing i am unable to sort for myself. Please help me out. Should i visit him and sort things out or just walk away and look for love in real thn this fantasy of wasting my time money and emotions over him. Also i do not have friends residing near to his whereabouts and have tried background checks which have all proven waste of money. Can somebody guide me pls

Reading about you and your views I guess you are nice girl and mature girl, from discussion you both have, these are common in mature couples but not sure about intimate pictures even when you are not reciprocating them. Have you ever tried to ask his home address or sent him any physical gift ? What was his reaction ?

But I have strong feeling that he could be in some relationship and now is confused with you and the other person. Visiting his place along should be a option unless you trust him with heart .. but I see doubt with you and hence you came up to discuss this thing here. The trust I am talking about develops automatically from inside and you get in a position where you know what is right and what is wrong this person even if you are not already aware about situation or thing.

If you are really serious then you may hire a local detective in Jaipur to do the hardwork for you. Since its about your life, then why not spending little money to make sure you are on right track .

Have you seen his picture or ever talked live to him over video ?... ?

Hi 1234abcd,

Thank You for writing to us.


As Aarish pointed out, you seem to be a mature and nice girl. With what you have written, it clearly shows you never had any previous relationship experience, which tells me you're naive when comes to relationships. Also, your emotional front in untouched and somewhere deep within, you heart wants to fall for someone too but is still looking out for a genuine soul.

Speaking of this guy in question here, I feel, this person is a little too secretive about his personal life and somewhere is uncomfortable revealing about his identity to you, his real life, his background, his past or his present. No where, out of all the things you've written, I could make out he for 1% is genuinely interested in you or likes to be around you.

I cannot say if he is in a relationship with someone but I can definitely say, he is not inclined towards you. Just by saying few lovey dovey things, sending some messages doesn't prove that he sees you as his prospective girlfriend. For a person who would genuinely love you, would care enough to make an attempt to meet you to take things further. But his ignorance to this shows somewhere that he considers you nothing more than his good friend.

My advice : Don't force him to meet you or talk to you, because he is not interested. Try not to indulge and involve yourself too much and too deep into this friendship. Make your mind an heart understand, there's isn't any future to this, not until and unless he makes a genuine move. If you want to carry this relationship forward, take it as a friendship and reply to his messages whenever n however possible. But, please do not think of any Love affair developing here. As of now, I don't see anything. Either let it happen as he wants or end it.

Talking bout your work... please do not indulge yourself in work too much. Make friends, make contacts, live a sportive, chill life. On your death bed, nobody will talk about how many projects you did or how much profit you earned to the company or whatever. Give time to your loved ones, they are one and only one thing precious you have.


Enjoy this Blockbuster, called Life !

May be he is hiding something, may be he feels he is not your match, you know, inferiority complex. May be you can clearly ask him about his view for future of both.

Hey Pulkit, good to see you here, where have you been.. I hope things are good at your end..

Sounds like communication could be the key. You just need to work behind enemy lines, find out how her friends and family perceive her state of mind. Are you close to anyone from her circle? They could give you an insight into what she has been through. There is definitely a chance there, if she misses you, too. Maybe she is confused and regrets her decision about breaking up.