Big Love issue, how to ask parent again for marriage with another boyfriend?

Hi All,

I am stuck in a big complicated state . I need suggestion for my problem.

I was in love with a guy A from 5 years. He never cared me much as a lover though i loved him alot.
In the meantime i met this guy B, who is my colleague. I became very close friend of him and he cared me a lot and show me lot of affection. Out of our control we both started loving each other. One fine day he proposed to me and he explained me how much i meant for him . And he asked me who was my happiness. Since i didn't wanted to hurt my Boyfriend A i told B that i can't stay with him i would marry my boyfriend A only. And i agreed to stay as friends with B . I told this proposing matter to my boyfriend A and after some days he started to restrict me for many things and started doubting on me. And due to his forcing i had to tell my parents that i would marry A even though i was not happy with his behaviour and i convinced my parents for marriage. On the other hand my boyfriend's parents started asking for huge dowry . And things became more complicated between us i had to break up with him.


After some months of this again B asked me if i would consider to be with him for rest of his life.
Since i liked him alot i agreed to him .

Now the real problem is how to tell my parents about my second love and how to convince them . I had struggled a lot to convince for the first one only and again now how can i ask them about second one ?

Please help me with what i can do ?

Your query has been Approved.

Welcome Dolly to eTI community.

Hi DollyS,



Well Dolly, you have already messed a lot with your relationship presently.
You shouldn't have convinced your parents for marriage with boyfriend A when you, yourself wasn't sure about him. You did it, it was fine. Then, what was the need to agree to your friend B's proposal when you were already committed to someone.
Why there is always a problem with choosing of boyfriends and life partners ? Love comes with a very simple rule. No body forces you to fall for someone just because he or she loves you. Until and unless you are very much sure about your feelings for someone, you shouldn't go for making him as your life partner and if you do, walking away from him later just because someone else entered your life and showed a little more care, is completly a rotten idea.
Now by doing so, you are directly or indirectly putting two lives in problem - your boyfriend A and friend B. Why don't you understand a very basic point, that, if your boyfriend A is in a relationship with you for 5 LONG YEARS, completely dedicated to you, LOYAL to you.... that DOES MEANS he loves you and want to be with you. And before you tell me that he doesn't care for you or show that affection to you or behave in a manner as other boyfriends do, let me tell you, he is an individual with distinct personality and behavior. If he is putting some restrictions on you, its just because he loves you and fears of loosing you. If he foesn't behave in a manner as other guys do, its probably not in his nature. There are ways people show affection and care. Some.might publcally kiss you or try to make some through little gestures, others might keep their affair a little private. It depends on individual to individual. You cannot judge a person's love by his way of showing it. The ground reality is that he loves you and that is why he is with you.

So, I would advice you to talk to your friend B and clear him everything that, you are really sorry for accepting his offer and that you did in a vague. You got carried away by your emotions and misjudged your boyfriend A and that he should stop expecting anything from you.

Moreover, things are going good in your relationship. Both the families have agreed to a mutual decision of marrying you both. Its time you should celebrate this union rather than destroying everything good happenning around you and making your and other's life miserable.

As far as dowry is concerned, get in touch with your boyfriend on that. Aek him to talk to his parents and work in that direction to solve the issue.

Hi Dolly
You have completely messed up your situation a big time and I dont know how fast your decision to live for whole life with somebody changes on a mere note that the family is asking for dowry, apart from that you mentioned that the relationship of you and A was about 5 yrs old, said that, your assumption or thought about him not caring for you or not loving you doesn't hold true, I mean why on the earth would some one waste 5 long years with somebody whom he doesnot love?? I think you are matured enough to atleast know this first, that your A loves u dearly and a tinge of posesiveness is acceptable in the relationship, you could have patiently made him sit with you and could have discussed with him that you love him dearly and also respect him and his words but the things he is doing by keeping restrictions on you doesn't makes real sense if he truly loves me and havw trust in you, and if he really has trust than he should not stop you from socializing yourself in the world, and your bf might have understood the point
For now you should approach B and tell him that you rushed on making a decision and that you might not ne able to continue with him as you have made a decision to stay with A who I think deserves to be your partner.
As far as dowry is concerned you may tell your bf that if he really loves you then he should talk to his family about it as dowry thing doesnot have any place where love is concerned

Show your parents quality of your boyfriend b. and tell them that he loves you truly. and your first choice is your mistake. Introduce him as a friend to your home first. then gratually tell them that you are close to him. I hope they will agree. best luck...