Intercaste Marriage - family against as boyfriend's mother is SC

hi, I'm Monisha in love with JK from 2 years. His parents are intercaste marriage ie his mom is hindu and dad christian. except my dad all my other relations agreed for marriage ans told will convince my dad. But 2 weeks by my uncle had enquired abt his family and v av cum to knw tat jay's mom actually belong to SC caste. all of a sudden now der is lot of opposition from my family side, those who told wil support are nw telling me to forget him. My dad is threatening me tat he ll divorce my mom if i marry him. all my relations are telling to sacrife my love for my mom and younger sis. I cant live without jay, on other hand cant leav my mom also.My mom is not ready to cum out and stay with me separately. My dad is locking me from all ways. he is telling he wont let me live happily wit him, he ll surely cause harm to jay. he loves me truly and ready to face all. jst for caste problem i cant avoid him or forgt him. im not able to choose between my mom and jay. if i choose my mom and marry sum one else i really cant b happy for my whole life. plzzz help me out in dis situation.

Hi Monisha,

You called out. Here, we are. Thanks for writing to us.


Firstly, be assured, your father is not going to divorce your mother. Marriage is not a fun that you divorce over like this. Tell him, if he does so, he might find himself in real legal troubles, if your mother files a complaint with authorities. These are just ways in which parents emotionally try to maintain their dominance on their kids.

Coming to your own problem, this is good that the boy's parents too had an inter-caste and inter-religion marriage. So, they very well know that marriages like this can work out.

I understand, her mother could be an SC. I have heard about such marriages in past, and this happens in lower castes of Hindus and Christians. But your family needs to understand, all these caste system are age old concepts. This is the modern society where you guys are living in, with a broader mindset and thinking. Moreover, his mother was SC before marriage. How would that make an impact on you and your marriage. Eventually, its you guys who have to live together.

So, I suggest you to talk to your uncle on this and explain him that you ideally do not believe in all this. Try to convince your uncle on this. Ask him to put your happiness on priority, and then the caste. If the guy is capable enough, financially sound and well maintained, there shouldn't be any problem in the marriage. Atleast, you will be happy being with him.

Hi Pulkit, thanks a lot for ur reply.
now there is no use in talking to my uncle, he has clearly told that he cant help. He started ill treatng my mom for me loving a lower caste person, bcoz my mom supports me. My dad hits my mom in front of me for she supportng me. He is asking me to agree for other marriage in 3-4 months time, and jay is asking me to come out of home and marry him. he is ready to face problems. But im scared tat my dad might cause harm to him. He told me he ll kill jay for sure. my dad has no humanity at all. If nothing works out killing myself ll be better option. I don av any other go.

Hi Monisha,

How have you been?

Please give away with the idea of suicide. I understand, how difficult situations get and how painful it becomes when you see no possible way out of that situation, especially when it comes to people you love.

But every couple whom I have known has done a Love Marriage, has been through this phase. It's a kind of a war - clash of ideas, irregularities in thoughts, friction etc is all a part of it. Parents have a very clear way of doing things and its common all over. They either emotionally hurt you with their health or emotions, give you all sorts of lectures based on their image in "samaj" and society, etc...or... they pressurize you directly, like your father. This is all common and these things make children feel afraid of the coming situations and they give up. All these things are done because your parents think that they are choosing the best one for you because you ( their child ) is a Princess. They are right, though but not always.

This shouldn't be the case. If you feel your choice, the person you love is correct and the right one for you considering all the major aspects - finance, health, nature, family background etc, then your decision is not wrong. People like you, the new generation, give no value to things like society, religion, caste, "gotra", age etc, which is true because Love is way above all these things. It depends on how well you guys understand and respect each other. Am I right ?

Now there are two things that you should at the moment -:

1) Sit with your father and uncle and talk on more of emotional level. Sit on knee, plead, cry do whatever it takes. Just don't argue or get aggressive. I don't appreciate the idea of hurting your parents feelings by shouting at them. That will only worse up the situation. Anger narrows your thinking capacity. Talk in a cold and calm manner, but just be assertive. Put forward your points that are in favor of your love. Talk about his sincerity, his nature and things that makes him different altogether.
For every question that has been shot on you, you should have a counter answer to it.

For example, parent's generally say, " Stop loving him/her. We will get you a better match altogether who will have all the qualities your boyfriend/girlfriend has. Will you marry then? ".
The answer to this could be " No. I won't be able to love him/her ever. And if I won't be able to do that, I will never be able to justify myself as a honest and loving wife and mother. Then what's the point in marrying me to someone and destroying 2 lives. Also, I have made some promises to my boy/girl, which I will fulfill anyhow."...or something like this.

2) Ask JK to come over to your place to talk to your father and uncle on the same. Giving you with an idea of eloping away from your family and then marrying you will land him into serious legal issues. You never know what parents might then do under the influence of other's. A case of kidnapping, abducting or etc can be framed against him which will make things worse. So, I request you to drop the idea of running away and getting married. Instead, he could gather some courage and talk to your father or uncle on this. Convince them, that he loves you and will go to any level to get you.
Things might become difficult. You father might head straight say No to this meeting or even the meeting can change into a aggressive arguments, but, that's what is the right way anyhow.

Don't loose hope. If you think you're right in your decision, let wrong now happen to you. It kills to regret later. Parents are really elder people with lot of experience and they will surely understand your word. Infact, they should.
Be Logical, Be straight, be assertive.