Complicated relationship(age, trust, time and need of freedom)
Hi, m a Indian christian.M not married yet. I feel i need help badly now.I had crush on a gal a year back and felt great when i spoke to her. She too spoke to me nicely and i took things in a wrong way. She told lets be friends, but i asked her for a relationship.She was not sure and told me to wait if i really wanted her that badly. Her daily life made me feel that she was avoiding me and i felt frustrated. But she was always right her on her part. My thinking was wrong.During this time i got a new friend whom i felt very close.She was 1 year, 2 months elder than me. I started speaking to her and after a month i just proposed her for fun. She accepted. I thought it was the easiest way to have a girlfriend,and we started a relationship. We both loved each other and trusted each other so much.I asked her bout ma gal frens nd i told her that i just had crush on a gal i told u previously.And then i asked her about her boyfrens if any. She told me never she had one, and that only many guys were behind her but she never accepted their proposal. I felt very special and was happy. But there was always some negative things in my mind , i dint know what., something like she s such a easy kinda girl, u just speak to her nicely and she is ready to go to any extent.. We used to speak a lot, have fun, go out roam around, watch movies, unfortunately started being physical with each other. Everything looked so good, my mom even got a doubt when i had got her home for lunch. My mom used to say me that i should not promise her of marriage coz anything could happen in future.I dint care then. But now after 8 months of this relationship, i jus felt too bonded and donno why started thinking of the future.I was so worried wat my entire family and parents would go through if i married or even thought about a girl who was almost a year and a half elder to me. I was just getting into a new job and things were not as easy as we dreamt about. I just started feeling like telling her to end this relationship. but i did not want to hurt her. I respect her a lot. I wanted her happiness. The only guilty feeling for me was that she was nw nt a virgin . When i spoke bout this to ma frens , dey told things lke dis happen. She wil forget it someday and everything wil b fine. Finally i decided a day and told her. She jus felt so bad and started cryin. But the person who cried more was me. I just wanted her to understand a thing that once she marries to someone whom her parents show her she would b doin fine.But she always said" i cant marry anyone els. i trusted u loved u , gave u maself and u did this to me?? I thought u wer the one, u r ma everything, m ready to do anything fr u , m not nt even a virgin anymore, hw shud i take this"/. But my heart was lost. I dint know nd even i donno wat i shud do.I wanted a safer side and was just waiting for a mistake from her side to occur so that i cud give a reason to mreak up.And den on 4th day she told me dat she was hidin something from me for OUR own good. I asked wat.. She told m very sorry to tel u this now, it s dat " Before u , i was in relationship with 2 other guys, they too had problems and they left me ,all saying that they wanted to see me happyand for my good, now u are also doing the same??" I was shocked to hear this, and asked her why she didnt tell about her previous relationships before, and she told that she wanted to forget those days and start a new life. She had broken my trust.I just got a reason to quit our relationship and told her i cant take this anymore.She begged me to return , but somewer i felt there were 2 reasons for me not to come back . One is that i had now got a chance to stay away from a bonded relationship where i would face a lot of problems in our future because of our age differences in a decent family, and the other because she had lied to me about her relationships.. But now after a week, she is forcin me to come back to her. She even blackmails me of telling her parents that we were physical with each other and stuffs. She has turned out to be a witch in my life.. I know the major reason for mistakes in my life is me, myself. But i feel very guilty and very bad at times. And also little worried about what she might do next to get me back. I hv told her that as a friend i wil b der with u , but nothing more.. She always asks to give a chance which i cannot.. What should i do?? This is not my individual problem, many of my friends are stuck up in a similar situation.They jus wanna b free and never be in a relationship again. What do u think i shud do??
