Inter racial- Indian Punjabi guy- latin/mexican woman

So many of you think inter caste marriage is a problem but what do you do when you are from a different country/culture/race/religion? Its an even bigger problem. I love my boyfriend. We've been together 2 years and we want to get married. We both live I Canada but his family is very traditional. Between him and myself things are great I love him more than anything and I want to be his wife forever. The problem is: I'm very scared that his family will not accept. He has told his sisters and his mom about me but none of them has made an effort or asked to meet me. He has met all my family and they like him. I feel like maybe his family think I'm just a fling and that it will end up soon so why bother meeting me. Well they need to get used to the idea that I'm going to be their son's wife. Why wont his parent want to meet me?

Another thing is, his sister just got engaged. She is younger that my boyfriend. She's 21 and my bf and I are 25. Now my boyfriend says that he needs to get his sister married before he thinks about himself. So I guess I need to forget about marriage. At this pace ill be married after age 30. He explained to me its a pride thing for brothers to pay for their sisters wedding. Is that true? He is Punjabi so any advice from any punjabis is welcome.

And for those that don't approve of an Indian man marrying a Gori (as some have called me because I'm light) please don't need hateful comments.

Hello Aracely,

First thing comes first. I don't think so anybody would disapprove the concept of Indian men marrying a Gori nowdays when there is sp much of Globalization and modernization. So, don't think that way.

Secondly, as you said his younger sister( 21 ) just got engaged, what makes you feel that it will take 4-5 years for her to get married. She is already engaged and I believe she will be getting married in a year or two and this period will be enough for you too to settle things out.

Thirdly, coming to your problem, all I can say is, his family actually knows about you as he has already told his mother and sister about his relationship with you, so that make things bit easier. See, the point here is, if they haven't said anything about you, that actually doesn't mean they have completely disapproved you. There can be various reasons as to why they have not comment on this, like, perhaps, they might consider it less important than his sister's engagement for a while because they know his marriage will take place after that of his sisters'. So, be patient on this. He has already conveyed the thing to them, so it will be easy for you guys to approach them again with the same issue and initiate a talk with them.

Moreover, as I always say, instead of presuming things up now, try to practically do them. There is a lot of difference in presuming things and doing them actually. So. till the time you don't initiate the first and formal talk with them, don't think things won't work out your way. Talk to them, tell them and make things work out.

And yes it is somewhat true that in India marriage that elder brother should support marriage of sisters. Infact, if age gap of elder brother and younger sister is not big, generally sis are supposed to marry before boy or in other word, brother will marry only after his sister getting married.

hi there!
I am a newly married girl to punjabi. I am sorry to burst your bubble, but the chances of your guy marrying you is slim to none. Punjabis have a tendency to marry within the same region and it never changes even if they are born and bred outside India.

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Originally Posted by asaam

And yes it is somewhat true that in India marriage that elder brother should support marriage of sisters. Infact, if age gap of elder brother and younger sister is not big, generally sis are supposed to marry before boy or in other word, brother will marry only after his sister getting married.

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Well said asaam. This is really informative. Thank You for this input. I hope it will be helpful to Aracely.

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Originally Posted by cherrychime

hi there!
I am a newly married girl to punjabi. I am sorry to burst your bubble, but the chances of your guy marrying you is slim to none. Punjabis have a tendency to marry within the same region and it never changes even if they are born and bred outside India.

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And what made you think so , can you give some more light ?

Hi, thank you all for replying. @pulkit you make me feel better. I don't mind waiting a year o two. Actually his sis will be getting married this coming March. Its the lack of reaction from his parent that bother me. Like the have no opinion and no reaction. I just find it weird because when I told my parents that my boyfriend is Indian their reaction was ... OMG! Why Indian! theire so diffedent..well they actually said "weird" but imeno offence to anyone. So I was expecting some sort of reaction from his parents as well.

So cherrychime... why do you think a Punjabi Guy wouldn't marry anyone from a different background? Are u a Punjabi girl?...maybe that's why you say that. Well my Guy told me that he doesn't like Indian women because they have a bad attitude, they are bossy, clingy and complain too much and really I don't mean to put down Indian women. That's his own words. I have Indian girl friends and they are nice. My Guy is not the typical Indian Guy though, he doesn't hang out with Indians, he doesn't even look Indian, he drinks and smokes and like to go out and be himself and doesn't like people trying to control him. His parents introduced him to this Indian girl and he tried things for a month, he tried getting to know her and talking to her and he ended up breaking things off because he said she wanted to control him and didn't feel like he could be himself around her. For most Indian girls I know if the Guy drinks or smokes its a deal breaker. Well let me inform you ladies that not everything its what it seems...they drink, smoke and some do other stuff too. Oh and they watch ****. All men do even the married ones. Sorry to break your bubble ladies.

But anyways I think my quiestion has been answered. Thanks again Pulkit and Assam.

Forgot to mention that his parents were a love marriage and they were from different castes and to this day some of his parents family members still doesn't talk to them even after almost 30 years. So in that aspect I think they would understand. When you love someone you just do.I don't know how some people (mostly Indian) can leave the one they love to marry someone they don't feel a thing for just to make.their parents happy. I could never do that. I'd probably feel miserable my whole life.

Another thing, his aunt is getting divorced from her Pakistani husband. So if her family was ok with her marrying a Pakistani Muslim then why wouldn't they be ok with me? Just saying.

Hello Aracely,

That is really good. What happens is when we fall in love we tend to think too much negative, the real cause for this could be perhaps, we see so many break ups and heartbreaks happening every now and then. But let me tell you this doesn't mean, it will happen with every individual here. So, when you fall in love, first try to build that relationship strong, live every moment of it, do things to ignite that fire continuously and leave all relationship tensions apart for a while. If you involve too much into problems related to your relationship, you will probably not able to enjoy your love forever. So, never presume things, try to do them practically and take the decisions according.

Forget your past, plan your future but most importantly live your PRESENT.

You can contact us on the same post whenever you want. Till then have a chill pill and enjoy life.

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Originally Posted by cherrychime

hi there!
I am a newly married girl to punjabi. I am sorry to burst your bubble, but the chances of your guy marrying you is slim to none. Punjabis have a tendency to marry within the same region and it never changes even if they are born and bred outside India.

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Never say Never. I am a White American married to a Punjabi Sikh man from Chandigarh. There are no issues with his family at all. There are many inter-racial marriages in the Desi community where we live.

Hey Jennifer, very good to see a positive response from you because everywhere we see negative feedback of intercaste marriage.

Thanks Jennifer! I'm happy to hear I'm not the only one. Well things are better now. I've met his mother and she was great to me. She knows about our relationship and that we plan to get married the next coming year. She's very happy for us. She only has to slowly get his father used to the idea. His mom is a very educated lady that went to college and studied psychology but his dad is more old school proud Punjabi man. So my thinking is that it will be a slow assimilation for his dad to accept a multi racial family but not impossible as his mom said.

Yes I agree that its a bit harder than a relationship between people of the same race. My Guy came from India about 4 years ago and he still has some of the Indian man attitude. I'm not saying its bad but those are some of the things we have to try and understand eachother. For example, when he makes a desision and he's positive about it and I disagree he makes a face. Or if I want to do something he doesn't agree and try to defend my point he says: OMG in India a wife is supposed to listen to her husband advice. But overall he's great and very sweet so no complaints. I'd like to hear more stories like mine. I know this Arab hijabi girl that's engaged to a Hindu guy so I guess I don't have it too bad. They faced even more struggles as religion is a huge issue for both.

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Originally Posted by Aracely

Thanks Jennifer! I'm happy to hear I'm not the only one. Well things are better now. I've met his mother and she was great to me. She knows about our relationship and that we plan to get married the next coming year. She's very happy for us. She only has to slowly get his father used to the idea. His mom is a very educated lady that went to college and studied psychology but his dad is more old school proud Punjabi man. So my thinking is that it will be a slow assimilation for his dad to accept a multi racial family but not impossible as his mom said.

Yes I agree that its a bit harder than a relationship between people of the same race. My Guy came from India about 4 years ago and he still has some of the Indian man attitude. I'm not saying its bad but those are some of the things we have to try and understand eachother. For example, when he makes a desision and he's positive about it and I disagree he makes a face. Or if I want to do something he doesn't agree and try to defend my point he says: OMG in India a wife is supposed to listen to her husband advice. But overall he's great and very sweet so no complaints. I'd like to hear more stories like mine. I know this Arab hijabi girl that's engaged to a Hindu guy so I guess I don't have it too bad. They faced even more struggles as religion is a huge issue for both.

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Hello

Good that things are going in your favor. His mother is convinced with you and your relationship so this is a positive step. Regarding his father, he will get convinced once his mother talks to him seriously about your relationship.

Moreover the nature you are talking about is a very genuine one. It is his love for you, which is why he says it with his rights over you for something he wants you to do for him. So, dont take it as a negative trait in his nature, its just his love that he is trying to show it over you. Things will be fine soon !!!