i am committed to a guy who is a few months younger to me since 3 years.but i am not liking his approach to things and life.he does'nt seem to have the spirit to do well and I am a highly ambitious person with lot of curiosity to learn new stuff, but i don't see this in him. also his parents are just like him, they don't seem to be quite ambitious and well-read, whereas my parents are very well-read and highly competitive. also the rest of my family is very good financially and academically when compared to his family.I told him that our relationship may not be accepted because of certain differences in the mindset and approach of both the families, but i don't want to offend him by saying that my family is better-off in all ways.So, i told him that i can't give him a commitment about our relationship and that i dont want him to hold on to me and waste his life. but, I admire him for what he is and i myself, am very inconsistent. so i badly need help on what i should do and how to tackle this.please help asap!!!!

Hi hunnybunny,

See, I am not getting as to what you want exactly? If you don't want to commit into a relationship with him, then there is no need to think about him so generously. Moreover, I understand there could be differences at family background level, but what differences are you talking about is still not clear. If education qualification is the reason then I don't think it any serious a issue bothering you this much even when you don't want to be in a relationship.

My honest advice to you is to let him go without even trying to show him any hope or consideration for future...!!! Things will simplify with time.

I think I know what she is talking about here, she is actually talking about compatibility with him, she loves him but on the other hand she has issues with his outlook towards life.. in short she finds him dumb .

But honeyboney, I need to tell you that everyone has their own way of seeing life and things, may be you are better than him but you can't change him. And the other thing is that 90% or may be 99% of people are like your boyefriend ie. they don't bother about every minute / smallest things of life and they are happy with the way you are. So either leave him as Pulit says or simply accept that even if you got together, you will have to take care of him as if you one do for a child, it is not because he is not capable of taking care of himself but rather you will want take his responsibility.

Please let me know if I am right or wrong here.. :

Thanks

Aarish has got my point. But, I am not talking about minute things here and incompatibility in terms of small things. Yea i get it that almost all guys are like dat. But here the prob is about the bigger things and his approach towards them, like life, career, ambitions, etc. I find him very unfocussed in terms of these and itz becoming highly difficult for me to deal with these things right now as I need to take care of my career as well. I have tried my best to bring some focus in him but things haven changed much. we were best friends before we got committed, but at that point maybe we were fickle and naive and couldnt understand things. I know that even if I leave him, I would still bother the most about him and his life than anybody else coz he is my best friend. And just becoz I dont wanna ruin his life due to my reservations and approach and of course the fact that we have got different family backgrounds, I had to take the serious step of telling him that I cant give him a committment. But this has hurt him deeply and I cant hurt him anymore by telling him things that would offend him/ his family.He is all the more worried abd is still hanging on to me I guess, but I dont want him to do that as I know things will not work out. Im not knowing how to tackle this. Plz help me, but dont ask me to be rude to him or just frank, coz I dont wanna lose him as my bestfriend..

Hi honeybunny,


Regardless of what you say or think for him, it is the truth that will matter in this case and the truth is that you find him not compatible with you. Sooner or later you eventually have to tell him the truth. Your concern I understand is, to hurt him as less as possible or atleast make him understand that he should take his life seriously, if nothing else.

See you cannot force maturity into once's life by telling him/her the right ways to do things. If he isn't that mature in his thinking or ideologies or may be anything, like, being not so serious towards his career and life, you simply cannot inject these things into him. All you do is just convince him to take his life seriously by being his friend, mentor or path-shower.

You want a person 3 years younger to you to think and behave as you do. Let me make myself clear here, I am not commenting on your decision of getting committed to a guy younger to you. All I am saying is, things like maturity in thoughts and action or way of handling life and seriousness towards it comes naturally and it cannot be forced into one's life. Its either situations ( rather mostly situations ) or one's own conscious that makes him a mature man or understanding mind. So this is something that you need to understand.

Well coming to the point of how you want to tell him that you and him are not meant for each other by hurting him as less as possible. See, instead of telling him the reality and pointing him and his family, I would suggest you to take the whole blame on yourself and end this relationship. What I mean to say is, sit with him, talk to him and let him know that you don't love him and whatever you said in past or whatever happened between you both, happened because you weren't sure about your feelings and took them as love and affection for him mistakenly.
On a very frank note you are not a counselor or a person with enough rights to point him and his family background for the differences you feel you both have. Taking the whole blame on your head will solve two purposes. Firstly, it will end the relationship and there are chances of you both continuing your part being good buddies and secondly, it will actually hurt him less and you will not come out as a sort of enemy in his eyes for pointing him and his family.

So, all you got to do is, take the blame on your head. Tell him that all that happened was a big mistake from your end and that it happened because you were "naive" and mistook this consideration and friendship as love. But now since you have realized your feelings you want to end every commitment you have with him, break all promises and just be friends with him.

I hope this should work out fine.