Engagement due in a month with boyfriend, In love with someone else now.

[Nandini2812]

I had a bf for past 4 years. We were doing very good. Though my bf is a little practical and too geeky, completely opposite to me who is totally emotional over very small things, I was happy with him as he made me strong enough to stand up and prove myself in various situations of my life. He had been my mentor till I met this other guy in my company. He was hitting on me, badly. I ignored. Then slowly we started talking because of organizing some event and then he continued flattering me with his stuff. He is an aspiring actor and he is damn passionate about that. This attracted me so much towards him, his passion. In the beginning things were very lite and fun but he became serious about me. Before this, I had told my family about my bf and they were strictly against it. Time flew . This new guy was around me all the times. And I developed feelings for him. I finally broke up with my bf and we started going out. As I dint want to be dishonest to my first guy. I was convinced for this new guy. But I knew my family would disagree even if I asked for this new guy because of cast issues. He is a non-veg on top of that. He left the job and moved out to pursue his acting career. I was alone and I kept on thinking about all this mess i had done. Meanwhile as if god decided, my ex bf was shifted to my town. Even after the breakup we were good friends. We kept on catching up at few occasions. It was okay and this dint reduce my feelings for my company guy. But in cruel act of events, my father got sick and he approved my wedding with my ex-bf. I was confused now. I thought may be that's why god sent him here. I asked him that will he be ready to accept me back and he replied affirmatively. I dint decide even then. I kept on thinking for months, because I was really really in love with my company guy, even if he was away from me. My family started planning and I couldnt interrupt. I was a dumb spectator. I dint knew what to do. I told this entire incident to my company guy and he was shattered. He asked me to tell everything at home but it could have risked my father's life, the trust he had on me. I thought he would feel he has given birth to a slut. I was scared of loosing him and I dint speak.

I broke up with my company guy. It's been months but 24x7 i think about him. My engagement is due in a month and I feel like going to him and apologizing to him once in person. All this because I know I want to see him badly. He has been going through tough time too because of all this mess. He knows why am I doing this but he doesnt approve of it. He says it's a mistake.

At the same time my ex-bf and my going to be fiance is very happy, having me back in his life! He doesnt know what am I going through but when we talk talking to him brings back the memories of old days and I feel may be this is right. I like him soooooo much but the love is missing. The craziness is missing. His family approved of me quickly and now everyone around us knows this. My cousins congratulate me on being able to convince my parents for my bf but they dont know what all has happened meanwhile.

My parents approved because they thought I love him and he stays nearby. Though the communities are not same the culture is pretty much same. The language in which we talk and the food everything.

Now what should I do?
If I call this off at this time, where do I put myself?
My company guy is pursuing his career, which is going to take another year to be finished. My parents want me to be married off asap, they have already waited for 3 years after I finished my graduation.

This company guy eats non-veg, speaks diff language and stays far away from my state, very far. So we have nothing in common. I dont even know if his family would approve me! So that means going to no where!

After hearing all this, my friends tell me go with the flow. Both things will bring evil to your life, go with the lesser one. How to deal with this? I think of my company guy almost everytime I think of my going to be fiance. I fear if I will ever be able to be strong enough.

Also my gonna be fiance has been a gem to me, all these years. He dint even question me when I asked him to accept me back. He loves me so much but he thinks he is the only guy I love like earlier days.

Suggest me!
Should I go with what currently is happening? I really cant disclose this to my parents..they would hate me till their death!
My father already is not talking to me, because of approving a love marriage but at least for him it is fixed no more waiting for wedding preps. How can I buy more time!

If I continue only mine and my company guy's emotions are st stake, and if I call it off my entire family, my ex-bf+ gonna be fiance , his family my grandparents all of their emotions are at stake!

Help me to take a rational decision and get rid of this guilt. There is so much of it, I cant sleep at nights

[Unregistered]

Thank you so much Rakesh and Sameeksha!
The moment I read both of your replies, I knew this was it. That was what I had to hear somebody telling me. I have taken the call. My ex-bf..no no no more ex, but I would say my best friend is the one I am going to spend rest of my life with. And I would not have any regrets!

Thanks etalkindia.com, you have been the sole reason I am going to take a right decision. So much grateful to you.

PS - Sometime you know what the right thing is, you just need a push!