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Please advice, I am broken after my forced marriage ?

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  1. #1
    dk84
    dk84 is offline Just in!

    Please advice, I am broken after my forced marriage ?

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    I was in deep relation with my girlfriend for 3 years, I live and work in Canada and she is in India, due to family mismatch, my parents didn't agree for our marriage. In last 2 years I came to India 3 times only to resolve our issue, but my parents were so strong enough in their talks and their smart moves didn't let me move forward.

    I came to India again 4th time last month, they extremely pressurized and emotionally tourchered me to marry a girl of their choice, I cried and fought a lot but my parents way so selfish for their ego, respect and society. I married a girl to their choice last month and in few weeks my wife came to know about my past.

    When I returned from India to Canada last month, I spoke and regretted to my girlfriend for what ever happened, I explained her the whole situation and she said if I can divorce my wife, she is very much willing to marry me and ready to wait for me. We both were in so much love with each other and I asked her to wait for a month, while I discuss to my wife. We cried a lot and felt our true feelings for each other when she left me at Airport.

    But suddenly, in last week or so my girlfriend's attitude changed, she started ignoring me, she says I did everything for my parents respect and never took care for her and there is no guarantee for success even if I come to resolve this matter again. She saw my wife's Facebook profile where she posted our marriage pics and my girlfriend was so mad at me. My girlfriend's attitude changed a lot in a week's time and she says my parents would never except her and there is nothing can be done now, Her family was so happy with me before my marriage but now they also doesn't support her anymore in keeping any relations or talks with me.

    My wife came to know I am very sad and my happiness lies somewhere else, she has started sensing this was badly forced marriage, her family before marriage knew that I was not happy with this marriage, but only their daughter was so happy and liked me, they never give thought about me and completely ignored my thoughts. On top of, my parents even post marriage keeps calling my ex-girlfriend and her family and abuse them badly.

    I have lost my smile, my happiness, my relations, my love and passing through a very tough time, I am far from my home country now and can't stop my tears and emotions for what I did, I feel my happiness lies only in my girlfriend as I loved her my heart out, but it seems she wants to walk away from my life, I can't live without her, What should I do ?? Please help !

  2. #2
    Aarish Rizvi's Avatar
    Aarish Rizvi
    Aarish Rizvi is offline eTI Bronze
    Before working on this issue, I want to suggest you that you have to move out of this stressed and unstable mindset. Problems, issues, situations, complications, these are all parts of life and eventually things get settled but stressing yourself is not the solution. I know, its easy said than done but if you are over-stressed then you can't handle situation efficiently. So, first stop thinking it as bad time, rather take it as a challenge which you can definitely handle, don't worry about outcome, rather give your best to solve it. That way, with relaxed mind, you can make better decisions and see things clearly.

    At first place, you should have not married this girl, but you have married and can't be undone. Seeing your desperate attachment for your girl friend, I can see the damage has been done but now you have to work to minimize it and not to cause any further damage.

    So, when you were married, you were still in touch of your GF and now you both (after a emotional discussion) decides to get married as you get divorce from your current wife. But later you finds out that your girlfriend is no more interested and finding reasons to get away from the decision you both made.

    Alright, thats trouble for both of you, clearly you both loves each other a lot. Even when your girl friend is trying to move away, she still loves you more than anything in the world.

    But, what about this woman you married ie. your current wife... where is her fault.. ? You may have not have noticed, but just like you, she must be also suffering day and night seeing you the way you are, seeing your pain and restlessness. When a girl marry a man, she leaves behind everything for this new guy, her life, her parents, siblings, everything..just for this man. You are now everything for her.. hope you understand what I am saying.

    Your parents are at fault, but you are at even greater fault, its because if you had taken stand before marriage, then possibly it would be far less painful for everybody then it can be now when you take divorce and goes on marrying your girl friend.. (ofcourse now she is not that much interested).

    Your girlfriend realized later that by making you to marry her after this divorce, she is ruining life of other women ie. your wife, she may have also realized that things may not be as simple as it they appear now. There could be lots of emotional as well legal complications.. and much more.

    So, what you are supposed to do now .. well its upto you only, do you want to give pain to someone for whole life (your current wife) without any of her fault, eventually you will also feel guilty for messing up with her life this way. On the other hand you have your girl friend who is now unsure about the decision you both made.

    Marrying love of your life is a noble act but you have to take desicion at right time, you can now either move away from your girlfriend and let her settle in her own life.. while trying to understand the value of things you are are blessed with (ie. loving wife) or just think about yourself, force your girl friend to marry you.. see your parents dejected from you for life or may be parents of your girl too as you already mentioned they are no more supportive. And ofcourse causing trouble in life of your current wife.

    But living in constant pressure for whole life is also not advisable, its better to take divorce than living a life in forceful marriage's cage. The answer to your problem is that you need to understand what you will gain and what you will loose from your acts, what you can afford to handle.. then make your decision.. and make it fast and avoid further damages.. !

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