Hi. i am 21 yrs old an hv bn dating my boyfrnd 4 3 yrs n few mnths. since 1 yr there hv been major instances of extreme verbal an emotional abuse. the case of physical abuse hs bn once.,my dilemma is whether or nt 2 call it quits cz my bf also hs major issues n fls frustratd cz of certain aspects of my behaviour. when v hv arguments, i cnt find peace till d mattr is dealt wd extnsively n persist alot,.he on d othr hnd cant tolerate lenghty sermons. he readly wnts 2 solve thns 2gethr bt nt at 1 go lik me. dis is wher v clash.. i m aware of my shortcoming regarding dis, however, if dis ws it dn i wud hv hapily acptd al d blame..
in d mst heated of argumnts i always refrain frm abusive language however dis is nt d case wd him. he uses derogatory terms 4me mst of d time. when he is angry. smtyms the frustratn is caused by my behaviour ,as cited erlier, n smtyms its nt. irrespective of the cause he showers me with the choicest swear words, couple of times he hs evn cm to d xtent of calling me a loose charactered grl..later he wud apologise, always...n nvr falls short of taking utmost care of me...bt d severity of his disrespectful behaviour is hrd 2 neglect.
I am confused. a major cause of his anger is my egging him..else for other stuff, he hrdly raises objections. ironical, bt when it cms to my mood swings or anger, he endures it all without a frown ..but i nvr insult him..dats where i fl emotionally cheated. i duno if m wrong bt , watevr my faults r, i fl atlst my dignity shoul nt b attacked..evn mistreatment of prisoners evokes protest from society. m nt evn dat.....m i wrng in demanding respect evn if i hv major flaws? dats my dilemme. whether 2 blame myslf 4 nt addressing his problems n stay, mk d effort 2 remove the root causes. or should i walk out, coz respect is d cornerstone? v luv each other alot...both of us hv stood by each other during testing times...would b unfair 2 say dat he is nly abusive..bt lik i said its hrd 2 ignore d mistreatment, espcly when it happns 4 d 100th time. n its also hrd 2 dismiss his reazns, cz he hs time n agn, rquestd me2 change my mannr of dealing wd argumnts n tryn 2 undstnd hs limitatns...
please help....

To put it honestly, don't expect an online forum to be a mediator to your crisis..........you need a human touch. Your friend, your best friend...... what about a favourite cousin, your sister or brother, the friendly classmate...or colleague? You need to TALK to someone..... if you TALK i guess you feel more comforted...

If i look at your post from your words alone, you already categorise this relationship as abusive....specifically verbal and emotional.... that's either the truth, or you didn't cover all the aspects.

You're also blaming yourself quite a bit.... that's not good.....you apparently think you INVITE the abuse, because of your behaviour. That's kind of defeatist, don't do that. Nobody invites abuse....... just because you're behaving in a certain way, shouldn't give someone with a close connection to you...... to beat, slap around, or degrade you. I hope there has been no case of that, but if abuse turns physical, LEAVE then and there.

I guess your bf can't talk all that well...... some guys get really really scared when they have to let someone else know how they feel...... and if his only way of abuse is swearing at you, then its clear he's doing it to get a reaction from you. Verbal abuse comes in many shades, and the worst case is the one where you know you're being abused, but just can't tell.

3 years into your relationship, i guess you both have a good measure of each other. if you feel strongly that your egging him on is causing him to freak out, then give him some breathing space. Let him deal with it...... if he feels strongly about it and tries to contact you, then you call him. Worked once with me....

Honestly, there's only so much a faceless user can give you advice over the net...... you have a very clear cut idea about where you are, but you can''t see where you're going with this..... if you have to make a decision, for yourself, you'll be doing it yourself in the end. feel good for that. If you're doing it for the relationship...bith of you should have a hand.

That's all

hey thanxx...u duno hw comfortn d wrds of a stranger can be at times....as dis hd been a chronic n repetitiv problem, i really wanted a totally unbiased 3rd persn view..n dats y i presented both mine n my bf's failings...i think u r vry right abt giving d 'breathing space'..i nce agn confrnted him on dis,n he nce agn totaly acknowledged the inexucasability of misbehaviour.. and added dat a breather, a short gap of silence is xctly wt he wntd..js dat space, to think n assess better, instead of lengthy debates....a time out during stressfull situations...n givn dat if i evr get a chance 2 cmplain, he said 'leave me 4 gud, no chances'....i think dat shud b d solution...n i guess m nt compromising on my dignity ,,js making a healthy adjustmnt....wt do u thnk?actually he used 2b mr patient nce..bt sm 2 yr bk he wnt thru a bad phase of depression..ws suffering from depression induced stress...thankfully it did not escalate to a state where rigorous medical therapy would be rquired..bt its since then dat he cringes from being egged at or arguing til sm conclusion is reached...he hmself tells me abt dis change n i noticed it too...dats y i hv been confused ..cz i kno d reazn 4 his want 4 space, n hlf d tym its wen dis want is unfulfilled . dat he bcomes so agressive n abusive........d picture mst nw b clearer.....he js dsnt wana lose me, bt m concerned dat it dsnt bcome a takn 4 granted situation....stil, i dcided 2 wrk on wt he wnts,,,he was vry earnest 2 wrk thngs out 4 better..

omg...i don't know why people cannot differentiate between a forum and an SMS....please use the vowels, my dear...you don't have a 140 char limit here to get your message across!!

point taken....