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Is it liking, friendship or love (My office affair)

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  1. #1
    ankur.m
    ankur.m is offline Just in!

    Smile Is it liking, friendship or love (My office affair)

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    Hello friends,

    My name is Sahil and there is a situation on which I need your help.
    There is a girl in my office who is a good friend of mine. We recently became good friends, say around 1 month back. She says that she has a boyfriend, however, the kind of hints that I am getting from her makes me feel, that she is interested in me..

    We generally talk on a daily basis, she sometimes calls me in the mornings or even at late nights say after 12 in the night. She finds me cute, and i find her cute as well.
    I have proposed her already, but because she has a boyfriend, we are just friends as of now.

    So the thing is that we are good friends, we talk a lot at office, spend time together, go on breaks together etc. And then we talk about personal life on phone, she seems to share every little thing that happens in her life. If i am not there in office and someone back bites about me or talks bad about me in my absence, she fights with them or argues them.
    And if I am on leave due to some reason, she misses me.

    With all these hints i get a feeling that there is more than friendship in this case. But I am not sure.

    So if anyone of your guyz can help me in this regard, it will be great

    Please help me

  2. #2
    Admin's Avatar
    Admin
    Admin is offline Administrator
    Topic Approved

    Welcome Ankur to eTI

    I hope you will get nice advice here.

  3. #3
    Jay's Avatar
    Jay
    Jay is offline eTI Iron
    Hi ankur.m it seems that you are surviving from a critical stage b't the solution is quit easy ! You just have to ignore her for sometime try to make her think about you and worried about you. She obviously try to ask you about your changing behavior b't you just have to make her sad for you. If she become sad for you and become angry on you dat mean she also loves you. B't if not den she must have just attraction from you.. best of luck..

  4. #4
    Pulkit's Avatar
    Pulkit
    Pulkit is offline eTI Aluminium
    Hello ankur.m,
    I guess you should talk to her and tell her what you feel. You have proposed to her and now if she feels she is more inclined towards you than her boyfriend.....if she feel you both share a good relationship for a lifetime....if she feels she can think for you....she should leave her present boyfriend. There is absolutely nothing wrong with this. There is no point to get attached with someone just for the sake of commitment when you are not emotionally attached to that person. If she feels she is happier with you than she is with her present boyfriend.... I suppose she should leave him immediately.

    By doing this, you will get your answer also. If she feels the same for you..perhaps she will come to a decision as soon as possible for her.


    All the Best...!!
    Take Care..!!!

  5. #5
    Ravinder Oberoi
    Ravinder Oberoi is offline eTI Aluminium
    Hi Ankur!!!!

    I am as confused as you are!!!
    An honest suggestion will be you should talk to her and clear it... If she doesn't feel for you then why does she do such things that only a person who likes will do....But what little i know about girls and going by what you said just now i have a strong feeling that she likes you

    Best Of Luck Dost!!!!!!!

  6. #6
    JAI LOHANA
    JAI LOHANA is offline eTI Member
    Hi Everyone!!!!

    Wat can i say buddies!!!
    I just can't understand why this girl is acting in this way.... she is in a committed relationship with another guy and
    simultaneously he is flirting with Sahil... calling him in midnights ... she finds her cute.. she fights on her behalf .. she misses her!!!!

    In a way she is cheating her boyfriend as well as Sahil ...

    I m sorry i may sound bad but this is my opinion... Sahil forgive me if i have hurted you in any way

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  8. #7
    ankur.m
    ankur.m is offline Just in!
    Guys the thing is that sometimes she holds my hand as well..and she confesses..that I am the first guy she has held the hand of..as in the past she was introvert...although she has held my hand only when i am busy somewhere and she needs my help in work..but still..
    Also, sometimes she giggles on the phone at the kind of talks that we have as she states that she has never discussed some things with any of her friends..but she is confused how come she shares everything that happens in her life in a day with me.
    And you know..sometimes she calls herself as 'single' and when i say that she is committed because she has a boyfriend..she says "I am not sure about it as I got in a relationship 1 month back..and I am still trying to know her boyfriend..so I am single till I feel strongly that hes the right guy I can commit with..."

    Also, she told me few days back, that she is in a habit of talking with me now, was laughing about it and said that her day is incomplete till she talks to me..

    So, I don't know whats going on...

  9. #8
    Pulkit's Avatar
    Pulkit
    Pulkit is offline eTI Aluminium
    Hello ankur.m

    Speak to her directly...thats all you can do. Tell her if she likes you more than her present boyfriend...if she feels more inclined towards you than him..... its okay that she should leave him. There is absolutely NO POINT in continuing with a relationship when there is NO EMOTIONS involved in it.
    By doing this she is in a way playing with her boyfriends emotions and feelings and on the top she is ruining her life too. She absolutely has no rights to ruin atleast her boyfriend's life and play with his emotions like this.

    If she likes you... there is no harm..she can leave her present boyfriend and be with you. So, SPEAK to her in this regards. A clear communication between you both can only sort the whole situation out.!!!!

    I hope you got the point.

    All The Best...!!!
    Take Care...!!!

  10. #9
    Pulkit's Avatar
    Pulkit
    Pulkit is offline eTI Aluminium
    Quote Originally Posted by JAI LOHANA View Post
    Hi Everyone!!!!

    Wat can i say buddies!!!
    I just can't understand why this girl is acting in this way.... she is in a committed relationship with another guy and
    simultaneously he is flirting with Sahil... calling him in midnights ... she finds her cute.. she fights on her behalf .. she misses her!!!!

    In a way she is cheating her boyfriend as well as Sahil ...

    I m sorry i may sound bad but this is my opinion... Sahil forgive me if i have hurted you in any way

    Hello JAI,
    I guess you also posted your problem on this forum few weeks ago. How are things going on ?? I hope your problem has been sorted out ???

    Take Care...!!!

  11. #10
    JAI LOHANA
    JAI LOHANA is offline eTI Member
    Hi Pulkit!!!

    No Buddy nothing is good as if now.... i came to know many things about her past. She confessed many things about her past about which she had lied to me. I m in a state of shock after what she confessed to me. but i m trying to do everything and anything which will make this relationship work and believe me buddy i m not well these days.

    I m not able to accept that she is the same girl whom i loved like anything and she lied to me on almost every thing about her past. Dear i also came to know that she once had gone for a lunch with her ex without telling me. when i confronted her she said that he once met her in her college and asked her out for a lunch.. i had gone with him because i wanted to taught him a lesson and that i m not the same girl who he liked some time back....

    what should i do???? and i love her so much that i cant leave her but neither i cant stand her lies...and i also fear that she might taught i am emotionally weak and will forgive her in future for everything that she will do in future ...

    Buddy these days i m not able to concentrate on my work....


    HELP ME!!!!!!!!

  12. #11
    Ravinder Oberoi
    Ravinder Oberoi is offline eTI Aluminium
    Hi Mr. Pulkit

    It's a great pleasure when i read your honest opinions on relationship issues .. And indeed you are doing this selflessly makes it all the more special and generous...

    MAy God bless you buddy

  13. #12
    Pulkit's Avatar
    Pulkit
    Pulkit is offline eTI Aluminium
    Quote Originally Posted by JAI LOHANA View Post
    Hi Pulkit!!!

    No Buddy nothing is good as if now.... i came to know many things about her past. She confessed many things about her past about which she had lied to me. I m in a state of shock after what she confessed to me. but i m trying to do everything and anything which will make this relationship work and believe me buddy i m not well these days.

    I m not able to accept that she is the same girl whom i loved like anything and she lied to me on almost every thing about her past. Dear i also came to know that she once had gone for a lunch with her ex without telling me. when i confronted her she said that he once met her in her college and asked her out for a lunch.. i had gone with him because i wanted to taught him a lesson and that i m not the same girl who he liked some time back....

    what should i do???? and i love her so much that i cant leave her but neither i cant stand her lies...and i also fear that she might taught i am emotionally weak and will forgive her in future for everything that she will do in future ...

    Buddy these days i m not able to concentrate on my work....


    HELP ME!!!!!!!!
    Ohk...I will reply to this on your original thread. Lets not discuss about your matter here on Sahil's thread. So you can refer to your original post for a reply.

  14. #13
    Pulkit's Avatar
    Pulkit
    Pulkit is offline eTI Aluminium
    Quote Originally Posted by Ravinder Oberoi View Post
    Hi Mr. Pulkit

    It's a great pleasure when i read your honest opinions on relationship issues .. And indeed you are doing this selflessly makes it all the more special and generous...

    MAy God bless you buddy
    Thank You so much , Sir. It was really touching.... Thank you from the bottom of my heart....!!!! :-)

  15. #14
    ankur.m
    ankur.m is offline Just in!
    Okay guys...a few more developments...I found it really strange so thought of sharing it with you guys...so the girl in my office whom I have referred in my previous posts is now getting physical with her boyfriend...with in 2 months of actually knowing him..

    And she is happy about it..but the strange part is...that whenever I tell her that she is committed to her boyfriend..she always comes back to say.."I am still trying to know him better.."
    Huh?
    I mean guys don't you find it a strange...on one side she is getting physical with the guy...and on the other hand she is still trying to know him...
    I mean, in my opinion, the physicality portion comes once you know the guy completely and you are serious for him...committed to him...
    she is getting physical with her boyfriend, sharing it with me...she still states she is not committed...her parents are looking for a nice groom for her...phew!!!!
    I mean I was heart broken when I got to know that she is getting physical with him..because I had feelings for her...
    I am planning to ignore her now...she has been calling me for the last 2 days..n we have spoken only once..in 2 days...

    So, what is your opinion guys, am I on the right track or if any more advices in this situation...it will be good...

  16. #15
    Pulkit's Avatar
    Pulkit
    Pulkit is offline eTI Aluminium

    Exclamation

    Quote Originally Posted by ankur.m View Post
    Okay guys...a few more developments...I found it really strange so thought of sharing it with you guys...so the girl in my office whom I have referred in my previous posts is now getting physical with her boyfriend...with in 2 months of actually knowing him..

    And she is happy about it..but the strange part is...that whenever I tell her that she is committed to her boyfriend..she always comes back to say.."I am still trying to know him better.."
    Huh?
    I mean guys don't you find it a strange...on one side she is getting physical with the guy...and on the other hand she is still trying to know him...
    I mean, in my opinion, the physicality portion comes once you know the guy completely and you are serious for him...committed to him...
    she is getting physical with her boyfriend, sharing it with me...she still states she is not committed...her parents are looking for a nice groom for her...phew!!!!
    I mean I was heart broken when I got to know that she is getting physical with him..because I had feelings for her...
    I am planning to ignore her now...she has been calling me for the last 2 days..n we have spoken only once..in 2 days...

    So, what is your opinion guys, am I on the right track or if any more advices in this situation...it will be good...

    Hello There,

    I can only advice you a simple thing..and that is, she is quiet mature to handle her life and obviously doesn't need anybody to interfere with her relationship.
    So, my request to you is.... please try to mind your own business. Whatever is going in her life, in her relationship is entirely her concern and you shouldn't bother about it any more. Its her life and she can handle her own affairs. Kindly, keep things to yourself.

    And if you love her, you needn't need to be so much calculative and investigative. Its not required here. If you love her, tell her about your feelings honestly or else mind your own business, Sir. You should be least concerned to whatever's happening in her life.

    All The Best !!!
    Take Care.

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