Originally Posted by
quizas
@Pulkit
First of all, why is it assumed that the ONUS to communicate or revive the communication was on the EX and not the OP, who initiated the break-up?
We need to understand the fact, that the Ex-gf perhaps never attempted to make any contacts, since the OP was the first person to leave or break-up. He was the one to initiate the break-up and hence to move on, giving a clear signal to the ex, that it's over between them. The OP never left her a reason to keep in touch with him or even revive the communication. The ex perhaps was a very matured person, to even think in terms of having anything to do with a married man, even though he meant the world to her!
Also, has the OP, ever apologised to the EX?!?! If not, what on earth is he thinking when he expects the JILTED EX to communicate, when he's clearly left her no reason? The Ex's already been hurt once, only a fool or a person with no self respect will stoop down to such a level!
Pulkit, yes you have talked about how the OP needs to "be practical, be reasonable", and I am sure, the OP was given the same reasons like be practical, be reasonable, think of responsibilities towards your parents, family, society, whatsoever, etc when he was "coaxed" into leaving the love of his life and marrying a woman, he claims to have never loved and who eventually strayed!!! And now like we see, all of the reasonable and practical approach didn't help one bit! A lie, afterall is a lie! No matter what the reason / excuse, the OP's decision has boomranged! You see, karma catches up with everyone of us, even before we realise it!
Also, I believe, it's more important to be honest to oneself than to others! It only makes life easier and bearable, at least, we don't end up hurting others! Truth might be bitter but swallowable BUT lies only damage and that too irreversibly!
@Kamalesh,
Kamalesh, do you realise, in your penchant / "enthusiasm" (for lack of better word) to be the "ideal" MAN, you have made "convenient" choices in life which eventually ended up hurting endless people in a row?!?!
15 years back, playing the IDEAL SON, you fell for the "be reasonable, be practical" bit, left someone you loved, went ahead to marry someone else, irrespective of what miseries the ex might have to endure!!
What happens next is, you continue a marriage with a woman you never claimed to have loved for 15 long years and also have children with her. Irrespective of what the wife feels, but again, to the world you never cease to be the IDEAL PERFECT FAMILY MAN!!
And now after coming to terms with your spouse's infidelity, you're very keen and restless to get back in touch with the EX you left behind. Why? Perhaps, now because you have a VERY STRONG excuse to tell the world, that it's not you who's strayed but your wife! Again, to the world, you're the ideal man, who got the raw deal!
I mean, what?!?! One after the other, you do whatever seems convenient to you, whatever seems in sync with your "Perfect" MAN identity only to create more problems for people who don't deserve it in the first place!
If you really think, that you and everyone else around you deserves a second chance to life and to love, then first of all, please come out clean!
You have already lived a LIE for years together, and put two women and also your children in situations they perhaps never deserved to be in the first place. The fact that your wife tried finding love or whatever missing element in her life, out of your marriage, implies the fact, that she has not failed to notice the lie you continued living with her!
The fact is, if you and your wife are not happy together, then please set each other free of this fake relationship, which is only promoting promiscuity. Irrespective of the fact, that whether your ex wants to get back with you or not, first of all you need to sort out the mess at your end. Forget the ex, for a moment, it's time, you resolve the unfortunate situations you have created. Even if it means, mutual divorce. A healthy separation is way better then breeding hatred by living together under the same roof. Who knows, perhaps, even your wife feels smothered in her marriage with you?!?!
And if that's the case, then please set her free! Also, have you ever apologised to the woman you claimed to have loved? Please do that, she at least deserves that out of you! You could never give affection to these women, at least try and restore the faith / respect they had for you!
As for the children, please don't use them as an excuse to continue doing what you had done 15 years back! OUr children are way smart and way understanding than what we often think of them. If you wife's noticed things, then am sure your children are wise enough to understand things as well. The best thing is to speak to your wife in complete honesty, I am more than sure, she's a lot to share as well. And last but not the least, please for once speak your mind, and be the person you really are! Stop being fake and stop being someone else to please others! I don't need to tell you, it's not helping anybody!