In love with friend, he is reluctant to accept it

Unregistered · 05-25-2013, 03:47 AM

there was guy in my college who was alone and reserved to due to his complex due of his weight and stuff. i became his friend and helped him out of his problems and we were thick friends. i was in a relationship back then and now broke up due to some problems. after that we became even more close. in college it was just the two of us everywhere and back home we used to constantly keep texting each other or over call. we became very close and i eventually fell for him but was scared to express that to him as i was worried that it would spoil our relation even as friends. some months back he started moving with others too a lot more than me and when asked he said he wanted to move with others too so he is. we did have some small problems because of that but that got solved in a day. we've never been without talking to each other for more than a day and our fights would end at the end of the day. i started giving him mixed emotions through texts which he realized and said he dint know how to react. later in the beginning of this month he proposed me and when asked if he was serious or joking as he always sends "love u" in texts he said it was serious. the next day he said he isn't sure if he would be stable so din't want the relationship. when i told him that i would make him stable he agreed to it. later again he backed off saying he is scared and worried of what others like his mom, my mom, our friends and my ex think about this as they knew us only as good friends. i was too much into love that i wanted it and kept on bugging him saying we can manage it somehow. but he said he is clear now and doesnt want me as anything more than a friend because of all these and feels that it wont work. he said that i musnt talk about this anymore and he wants us to be back as how we were as friends. when asked if he never loved me he said he does sometimes but doesnt want it. this all happened in 2 weeks continuously after his proposal and now is talking to me like before as friend but at times gives a mixed emotion very rarely and has reduced his texting. i really love him and i want him.. please help me!! how to solve this?

05-27-2013, 12:44 AM

Hi Dear Friend,

Thank you for writing to us.

Well, same old friendship turning into a love situation where one of the individual is afraid of giving it a kick start due to few fears and reasons in his or her heart. Its quiet evident that when you are involved in a very good friendship with someone of opposite sex as of yours, at some point in time either you or your friend will fall for each other. The chances of a guy and girl to remain friends with each other is just next to impossible.

Well, coming back to your case. Frankly speaking, you have done all your efforts to make him love you, make him understand his feelings for you and accept them. But you need to understand that he is a different personality, a different individual and by virtue of that, he thinks and believes differently.
Your work was to be honest to him and stay clear with your feelings, and you did well. You tried your level best to talk to him , make him comfortable, tell him its not impossible for him to fall in love and that if done, you both will manage your relationship well. But understand, he has his own reasons to back off and stay away from this love loop. May be his family is not open to love marriages or his parents might not like him to choose and marry a girl of his choice. So, somewhere in deep in his heart he understands his limitations and the fact that he will never be able to fight back against his parents to get you. That might qualify as a valid reason for him to say NO to this or any relationship with either you or someone else. Whatever it is, I would appreciate if you can show respect towards it.

Understand, he loves you and that's for sure. He wants to be in a relationship with you, wants you to be his girlfriend and wife, later but there is something serious which is stopping him and he might be feeling uncomfortable sharing that with you. So, don't force him on anything. Just be what he wants you to be. Don't force him to love you. He might be confused about his feelings for you, he might be judging you or there is some really serious reason why he is not ready for it.

Try to give sometime to him and yourself. Understand his problem and don't force him to love you. Just be friends with him and let him decide what he wants from you and his life. Realize, your life is not bound to him and that you can decide what you want to do. If he loves you and is willing to make you his partner, he will come to you someday and will show up some courage to take a stand for you. But if he is failing after trying constantly, then definitely he is not the one you should buy your time on.

So, just stay cool and give him his own time to understand you, make himself ready for future with you. Just be friends with him and behave exactly as he wants you to because if you try to push or force him into it, sooner or later things will become tough for you both.

06-01-2013, 06:06 PM

Yes, another matter where best friend falls for the other one, not a difficult situation though, it is quite normal that the person who know and understand and compliment each other in a friendship fall for one of them either its a boy or a girl but it someday happens that either one of them fall for the other and I feel this is the best way it should go, but for certain reasons their friendship doesn't turn into the relationships and get spoiled or sometimes the level of trust and feelings of other person are acknowledged and given a chance and they turn into magical relationships too.
Coming to your matter, friend, I definitely believe the guy loves you for sure, wants you to be her girlfriend and stay with you, but as Pulkit said somethings burning inside him, that is stopping him to take a step forward and to take this friendship to the next level, I suggest you to be friend at this juncture of time and try and figure out what is the matter with him that is making him so scared to enter into the relationship, do not force anything on him, not even you or your feelings, give him the comfort he feels by being friend with him, give him his own time to decide and make some conclusion, there is no part in forcing your self on him and making him to accept you as his girlfriend, even if you succeed in doing this, you might not get the amount of respect and love that you deserve to get from him eventually your relationship of friendship may also get hurted and you might turn out to be eventually losing him, so try to understand the situation and give him the comfort he wants and do exactly as he wants you to do for now, till then try to figure out what lies deep inside him that stops him to take a step forward, but make sure whenever you are opening this topic up, you have to be at your utmost politeness and love to him, to make sure he might not judge you wrongly for it and might share the exact reason and then you may find out ways to make him more comfortable and give him the strength and courage and confidence to move forward...best of luck...

In love with friend, he is reluctant to accept it

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In love with friend, he is reluctant to accept it

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