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I have strong feelings for my ex girlfriend whom I wanted to marry

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  1. #1
    kkamalesh
    kkamalesh is offline Just in!

    I have strong feelings for my ex girlfriend whom I wanted to marry

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    I wanted to marry the love of my life from college, but it didn't happen due to my parents opposing it and me being in USA at the wrong time. I moved on and got married and have 2 kids, but could never really love my wife. I have been thinking about my gf almost every day.

    Still I have been a good husband and relatively stable in my marriage and having some fun. 10 years into my marriage, my wife cheats on me with my own brother and this pretty much took what ever had for my wife out of my heart. Now I am hating my wife and staying married just for the kids. My love and longing for my gf has gotten very strong now and almost feel like I want to go meet her and be with her. We never really broke up, we had a lot of feelings for each other and didn't really closeout our relationship. I feel miserable with my wife.

    Should I try contacting my gf? I haven't been in touch with her for more than 15yrs now, but my love for her stronger than ever. I feel like I cannot be happy until I meet her and be with her. Would appreciate any input(s)

  2. #2
    asaam
    asaam is offline eTI Iron
    That is really a hard situation for you. You were already compromising and then your wife cheated , that broke the balance you were maintaining. If you decide to with your EX then you will have to think about few things, ..
    Your children, you said your married life is only for them
    Condition of your EX, may be by now she must have adjusted herself, happy with her life, I am sure she still loves you but if you will suddenly broke into her life and with your sad situation, it will impact her life too. Most probably you may give trouble to her.

    You have to decide ... your own preference or her happiness.. and your kids !

  3. #3
    Pulkit's Avatar
    Pulkit
    Pulkit is offline eTI Aluminium
    Hello kkamalesh,

    Its a real rotten phase you are going through. Infidelity in any relationship is harming and you are the latest victim of this.
    I would like to answer your question in 2 different parts.

    The first part deals with you and your ex-girlfriend. As you told, its been 15 years since you both are in touch of any sort so whatever " asaam " said is quite justified here. There is a finite possibility that your ex-girlfriend must have settled in life by now. She must have a family, perhaps, one or two kids, her husband, in-laws etc. and she must have forgotten you and broken all the strings attached. So, honestly speaking, I won't ever advice you to contact her, get in her settled life again and obviously ruin it.
    Your one single step in that direction will put not just you and her in trouble but also would affect many others attached either to you or to her. Moreover the question that where were you all these 15 years and why have you come now will make it more difficult for you to stand honest and true.
    So its better to stay away from her and let her live her life. I am pretty sure, if you ever loved her truly, you would always love to see her happy and settled. I hope you understand the gravity of consequences.

    Well, coming to second part of your answer which deals with you and your wife. As I said, infidelity in any relationship is harming and you being its latest victim. All you could do is instead of hating your wife, you can try to mend up things with her.

    Don't forget, though you were married to her, you were not completely with her. For almost 15 years of your marriage, you admit that you were still in love with your ex-girlfriend ( though, you were not in contact ).


    See the problem of infidelity is quite simple. You were not completely attached with your wife for almost 10 years of your marriage which eventually lead her to find that missing love in your brother.
    I am sorry to say but what I feel is, somewhere you were the culprit and somewhere you, yourself has contributed to this mess in your life.


    So, its better to mend things up, start a new beginning and now try to forget your past. Realize your present, your duties, your responsibilities and also try to understand there is no strings attached between you and your ex-girlfriend which is evident from the fact that she never ever tried to contact you or be just friends with you in past 15 years.

    Talk to your wife regarding whatever happened with you. Promise her to love for the rest of your life. Promise her to fulfill her missing space, missing love and promise her that you will never let your past come in your present relationship ever again.

    I wish both of you luck !!

    All the Best !!
    Take Care !!!
    Last edited by Pulkit; 05-14-2012 at 10:38 PM.

  4. #4
    kkamalesh
    kkamalesh is offline Just in!
    Good points Pulkit. I didn't contact my ex gf just for that, just to make sure I don't interfere. I am just curious to know how are things going with her? What if she is miserable in her life also? What if she is still missing me? I don't want to mess anything up if everything is going fine with her, but if she is miserable as I am, then I want to do something about it. It is better to be late than never isn't it?

    As far as my wife, I agree with you that I haven't been close to her or in love. It is going to be twice as hard to develop any feelings for her now and I really don't see that happening. But I'll have to do something so that my kids have stability and direction.

  5. #5
    Pulkit's Avatar
    Pulkit
    Pulkit is offline eTI Aluminium
    Hi kkamalesh,

    See the things are clear in your girlfriend's case. Had she been in love with you, had she been missing you, she would have contacted you in these 15years, but she didn't, which makes it quite obvious that she has no feelings for you.
    Now, just by running away from the present situation you are in and not allowing yourself to accept the fact that your ex-girlfriend has no feelings for you, you are creating troubles for yourself.

    Instead you should talk to your wife over this. Mutual talking and understanding can solve 95% of problems in the world...so why don't you try. Tell her about your past, accept your guilt and promise her that you will not let this happen for the rest of your life. Tell her this is what you also accept from her somewhere that she should be a decent and good wife.

    I understand, you are curious about your ex-girlfriend and her present life, but let me tell you seriously, if you try to get into her life even if you think you won't be messing up things..let me tell you it wont be easy. Consider the point, when there is nothing right now, you are so curious about her. What do you think, if you meet her, wont it be any difficult for you to separate again ?? Sir, it will be and which eventually would lead to various complications in your life and ofcourse her's.

    Moreover, by now she must have learned to live without you and hence I don't think so even if she is in any mess, she would be needing your support. She is quite mature and understanding to handle her own affairs all by herself. So, my honest advice says, you should keep upto yourself atleast now.


    The things you are talking about is somewhere totally impractical and philosophical. Sir, kindly get practical and understand, you have kids, their responsibilities with you. I dont think so you would appreciate them blaming you when they grow up for taking this step. Its better to mend things up with your wife..afterall you guys are mend to be together.



    When you were not loyal to her 100% for 15years, there was no problem, no complaining. But when she cheated on you, you hate her and ready to leave her. Come on Sir, tell me is that justified ??? Obviously, not. She did the same thing what you did with her for past 15 years but she never complained. So, I feel you should try to compromise on things and both of you should try to forget what happened...and start afresh.



    Don't loose hope... start things afresh. Its always better to give things a new beginning rather than ending them up.

    All The Best !!!
    Take Care !!

  6. #6
    Sweetie's Avatar
    Sweetie
    Sweetie is offline eTI Member
    Wow
    That is pretty good discussion, everything is already said here. Mr. Pulkit you are very expert in relationship matters.

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  8. #7
    quizas
    quizas is offline Just in!
    @Pulkit

    First of all, why is it assumed that the ONUS to communicate or revive the communication was on the EX and not the OP, who initiated the break-up?

    We need to understand the fact, that the Ex-gf perhaps never attempted to make any contacts, since the OP was the first person to leave or break-up. He was the one to initiate the break-up and hence to move on, giving a clear signal to the ex, that it's over between them. The OP never left her a reason to keep in touch with him or even revive the communication. The ex perhaps was a very matured person, to even think in terms of having anything to do with a married man, even though he meant the world to her!

    Also, has the OP, ever apologised to the EX?!?! If not, what on earth is he thinking when he expects the JILTED EX to communicate, when he's clearly left her no reason? The Ex's already been hurt once, only a fool or a person with no self respect will stoop down to such a level!

    Pulkit, yes you have talked about how the OP needs to "be practical, be reasonable", and I am sure, the OP was given the same reasons like be practical, be reasonable, think of responsibilities towards your parents, family, society, whatsoever, etc when he was "coaxed" into leaving the love of his life and marrying a woman, he claims to have never loved and who eventually strayed!!! And now like we see, all of the reasonable and practical approach didn't help one bit! A lie, afterall is a lie! No matter what the reason / excuse, the OP's decision has boomranged! You see, karma catches up with everyone of us, even before we realise it!

    Also, I believe, it's more important to be honest to oneself than to others! It only makes life easier and bearable, at least, we don't end up hurting others! Truth might be bitter but swallowable BUT lies only damage and that too irreversibly!

    @Kamalesh,

    Kamalesh, do you realise, in your penchant / "enthusiasm" (for lack of better word) to be the "ideal" MAN, you have made "convenient" choices in life which eventually ended up hurting endless people in a row?!?!

    15 years back, playing the IDEAL SON, you fell for the "be reasonable, be practical" bit, left someone you loved, went ahead to marry someone else, irrespective of what miseries the ex might have to endure!!

    What happens next is, you continue a marriage with a woman you never claimed to have loved for 15 long years and also have children with her. Irrespective of what the wife feels, but again, to the world you never cease to be the IDEAL PERFECT FAMILY MAN!!

    And now after coming to terms with your spouse's infidelity, you're very keen and restless to get back in touch with the EX you left behind. Why? Perhaps, now because you have a VERY STRONG excuse to tell the world, that it's not you who's strayed but your wife! Again, to the world, you're the ideal man, who got the raw deal!

    I mean, what?!?! One after the other, you do whatever seems convenient to you, whatever seems in sync with your "Perfect" MAN identity only to create more problems for people who don't deserve it in the first place!

    If you really think, that you and everyone else around you deserves a second chance to life and to love, then first of all, please come out clean!

    You have already lived a LIE for years together, and put two women and also your children in situations they perhaps never deserved to be in the first place. The fact that your wife tried finding love or whatever missing element in her life, out of your marriage, implies the fact, that she has not failed to notice the lie you continued living with her!

    The fact is, if you and your wife are not happy together, then please set each other free of this fake relationship, which is only promoting promiscuity. Irrespective of the fact, that whether your ex wants to get back with you or not, first of all you need to sort out the mess at your end. Forget the ex, for a moment, it's time, you resolve the unfortunate situations you have created. Even if it means, mutual divorce. A healthy separation is way better then breeding hatred by living together under the same roof. Who knows, perhaps, even your wife feels smothered in her marriage with you?!?!

    And if that's the case, then please set her free! Also, have you ever apologised to the woman you claimed to have loved? Please do that, she at least deserves that out of you! You could never give affection to these women, at least try and restore the faith / respect they had for you!

    As for the children, please don't use them as an excuse to continue doing what you had done 15 years back! OUr children are way smart and way understanding than what we often think of them. If you wife's noticed things, then am sure your children are wise enough to understand things as well. The best thing is to speak to your wife in complete honesty, I am more than sure, she's a lot to share as well. And last but not the least, please for once speak your mind, and be the person you really are! Stop being fake and stop being someone else to please others! I don't need to tell you, it's not helping anybody!

  9. #8
    Pulkit's Avatar
    Pulkit
    Pulkit is offline eTI Aluminium
    Quote Originally Posted by Sweetie View Post
    Wow
    That is pretty good discussion, everything is already said here. Mr. Pulkit you are very expert in relationship matters.
    Thank You Sweetie. That was really sweet of you, just like your name. I am surprised that you read the whole discussion but anyways thank you. I really acknowledge.

    Take Care !!!

  10. #9
    Pulkit's Avatar
    Pulkit
    Pulkit is offline eTI Aluminium
    Quote Originally Posted by quizas View Post
    @Pulkit

    First of all, why is it assumed that the ONUS to communicate or revive the communication was on the EX and not the OP, who initiated the break-up?

    We need to understand the fact, that the Ex-gf perhaps never attempted to make any contacts, since the OP was the first person to leave or break-up. He was the one to initiate the break-up and hence to move on, giving a clear signal to the ex, that it's over between them. The OP never left her a reason to keep in touch with him or even revive the communication. The ex perhaps was a very matured person, to even think in terms of having anything to do with a married man, even though he meant the world to her!

    Also, has the OP, ever apologised to the EX?!?! If not, what on earth is he thinking when he expects the JILTED EX to communicate, when he's clearly left her no reason? The Ex's already been hurt once, only a fool or a person with no self respect will stoop down to such a level!

    Pulkit, yes you have talked about how the OP needs to "be practical, be reasonable", and I am sure, the OP was given the same reasons like be practical, be reasonable, think of responsibilities towards your parents, family, society, whatsoever, etc when he was "coaxed" into leaving the love of his life and marrying a woman, he claims to have never loved and who eventually strayed!!! And now like we see, all of the reasonable and practical approach didn't help one bit! A lie, afterall is a lie! No matter what the reason / excuse, the OP's decision has boomranged! You see, karma catches up with everyone of us, even before we realise it!

    Also, I believe, it's more important to be honest to oneself than to others! It only makes life easier and bearable, at least, we don't end up hurting others! Truth might be bitter but swallowable BUT lies only damage and that too irreversibly!

    @Kamalesh,

    Kamalesh, do you realise, in your penchant / "enthusiasm" (for lack of better word) to be the "ideal" MAN, you have made "convenient" choices in life which eventually ended up hurting endless people in a row?!?!

    15 years back, playing the IDEAL SON, you fell for the "be reasonable, be practical" bit, left someone you loved, went ahead to marry someone else, irrespective of what miseries the ex might have to endure!!

    What happens next is, you continue a marriage with a woman you never claimed to have loved for 15 long years and also have children with her. Irrespective of what the wife feels, but again, to the world you never cease to be the IDEAL PERFECT FAMILY MAN!!

    And now after coming to terms with your spouse's infidelity, you're very keen and restless to get back in touch with the EX you left behind. Why? Perhaps, now because you have a VERY STRONG excuse to tell the world, that it's not you who's strayed but your wife! Again, to the world, you're the ideal man, who got the raw deal!

    I mean, what?!?! One after the other, you do whatever seems convenient to you, whatever seems in sync with your "Perfect" MAN identity only to create more problems for people who don't deserve it in the first place!

    If you really think, that you and everyone else around you deserves a second chance to life and to love, then first of all, please come out clean!

    You have already lived a LIE for years together, and put two women and also your children in situations they perhaps never deserved to be in the first place. The fact that your wife tried finding love or whatever missing element in her life, out of your marriage, implies the fact, that she has not failed to notice the lie you continued living with her!

    The fact is, if you and your wife are not happy together, then please set each other free of this fake relationship, which is only promoting promiscuity. Irrespective of the fact, that whether your ex wants to get back with you or not, first of all you need to sort out the mess at your end. Forget the ex, for a moment, it's time, you resolve the unfortunate situations you have created. Even if it means, mutual divorce. A healthy separation is way better then breeding hatred by living together under the same roof. Who knows, perhaps, even your wife feels smothered in her marriage with you?!?!

    And if that's the case, then please set her free! Also, have you ever apologised to the woman you claimed to have loved? Please do that, she at least deserves that out of you! You could never give affection to these women, at least try and restore the faith / respect they had for you!

    As for the children, please don't use them as an excuse to continue doing what you had done 15 years back! OUr children are way smart and way understanding than what we often think of them. If you wife's noticed things, then am sure your children are wise enough to understand things as well. The best thing is to speak to your wife in complete honesty, I am more than sure, she's a lot to share as well. And last but not the least, please for once speak your mind, and be the person you really are! Stop being fake and stop being someone else to please others! I don't need to tell you, it's not helping anybody!



    Hello quizas, I am not getting what you said. What is this " ONUS " and " OP " . All I can say is thanks for commenting and thank you for reading the whole post. I don't want to comment on it further. I have advised kkamalesh the best I could do and rest is all upto him.

    Thank You so much !!!
    All The Best !!!
    Take Care !!!


  11. #10
    kkamalesh
    kkamalesh is offline Just in!
    Hey Quizas,
    I think you have accused me without knowing exactly how I broke up with my gf. She broke up and not me. I was ready to do anything to marry her, but she wanted my parents to accept us before we could get married. Also, I did convince my dad to talk to her dad. Things were looking a bit fine, but then my sister wrote a nasty letter to my gf accusing her of she being in love only because I was in USA and she being after money and she is a bitch etc. My gf and her family pretty much stopped everything after this. She didn't even talk to me after that and I was left stranded in pain. But, I know the pain and difficulties she would have gone through. I should have left everything here in USA and gone for her to India, but I didn't, but my gf should not have taken a decision like that just based on a letter from my sister. What do you think?

  12. #11
    kkamalesh
    kkamalesh is offline Just in!
    Quote Originally Posted by quizas View Post
    @Pulkit

    First of all, why is it assumed that the ONUS to communicate or revive the communication was on the EX and not the OP, who initiated the break-up?

    We need to understand the fact, that the Ex-gf perhaps never attempted to make any contacts, since the OP was the first person to leave or break-up. He was the one to initiate the break-up and hence to move on, giving a clear signal to the ex, that it's over between them. The OP never left her a reason to keep in touch with him or even revive the communication. The ex perhaps was a very matured person, to even think in terms of having anything to do with a married man, even though he meant the world to her!

    Also, has the OP, ever apologised to the EX?!?! If not, what on earth is he thinking when he expects the JILTED EX to communicate, when he's clearly left her no reason? The Ex's already been hurt once, only a fool or a person with no self respect will stoop down to such a level!

    Pulkit, yes you have talked about how the OP needs to "be practical, be reasonable", and I am sure, the OP was given the same reasons like be practical, be reasonable, think of responsibilities towards your parents, family, society, whatsoever, etc when he was "coaxed" into leaving the love of his life and marrying a woman, he claims to have never loved and who eventually strayed!!! And now like we see, all of the reasonable and practical approach didn't help one bit! A lie, afterall is a lie! No matter what the reason / excuse, the OP's decision has boomranged! You see, karma catches up with everyone of us, even before we realise it!

    Also, I believe, it's more important to be honest to oneself than to others! It only makes life easier and bearable, at least, we don't end up hurting others! Truth might be bitter but swallowable BUT lies only damage and that too irreversibly!

    @Kamalesh,

    Kamalesh, do you realise, in your penchant / "enthusiasm" (for lack of better word) to be the "ideal" MAN, you have made "convenient" choices in life which eventually ended up hurting endless people in a row?!?!

    15 years back, playing the IDEAL SON, you fell for the "be reasonable, be practical" bit, left someone you loved, went ahead to marry someone else, irrespective of what miseries the ex might have to endure!!

    What happens next is, you continue a marriage with a woman you never claimed to have loved for 15 long years and also have children with her. Irrespective of what the wife feels, but again, to the world you never cease to be the IDEAL PERFECT FAMILY MAN!!

    And now after coming to terms with your spouse's infidelity, you're very keen and restless to get back in touch with the EX you left behind. Why? Perhaps, now because you have a VERY STRONG excuse to tell the world, that it's not you who's strayed but your wife! Again, to the world, you're the ideal man, who got the raw deal!

    I mean, what?!?! One after the other, you do whatever seems convenient to you, whatever seems in sync with your "Perfect" MAN identity only to create more problems for people who don't deserve it in the first place!

    If you really think, that you and everyone else around you deserves a second chance to life and to love, then first of all, please come out clean!

    You have already lived a LIE for years together, and put two women and also your children in situations they perhaps never deserved to be in the first place. The fact that your wife tried finding love or whatever missing element in her life, out of your marriage, implies the fact, that she has not failed to notice the lie you continued living with her!

    The fact is, if you and your wife are not happy together, then please set each other free of this fake relationship, which is only promoting promiscuity. Irrespective of the fact, that whether your ex wants to get back with you or not, first of all you need to sort out the mess at your end. Forget the ex, for a moment, it's time, you resolve the unfortunate situations you have created. Even if it means, mutual divorce. A healthy separation is way better then breeding hatred by living together under the same roof. Who knows, perhaps, even your wife feels smothered in her marriage with you?!?!

    And if that's the case, then please set her free! Also, have you ever apologised to the woman you claimed to have loved? Please do that, she at least deserves that out of you! You could never give affection to these women, at least try and restore the faith / respect they had for you!

    As for the children, please don't use them as an excuse to continue doing what you had done 15 years back! OUr children are way smart and way understanding than what we often think of them. If you wife's noticed things, then am sure your children are wise enough to understand things as well. The best thing is to speak to your wife in complete honesty, I am more than sure, she's a lot to share as well. And last but not the least, please for once speak your mind, and be the person you really are! Stop being fake and stop being someone else to please others! I don't need to tell you, it's not helping anybody!
    Hey Quizas,
    I think you have accused me without knowing exactly how I broke up with my gf. She broke up and not me. I was ready to do anything to marry her, but she wanted my parents to accept us before we could get married. Also, I did convince my dad to talk to her dad. Things were looking a bit fine, but then my sister wrote a nasty letter to my gf accusing her of she being in love only because I was in USA and she being after money and she is a bitch etc. My gf and her family pretty much stopped everything after this. She didn't even talk to me after that and I was left stranded in pain. But, I know the pain and difficulties she would have gone through. I should have left everything here in USA and gone for her to India, but I didn't, but my gf should not have taken a decision like that just based on a letter from my sister. What do you think?

  13. #12
    Kumail Rizvi
    Kumail Rizvi is offline eTI Member
    OP is I think opening poster or the person who started the topic or asked the question. I don't know what is ONUS here.

  14. #13
    Pulkit's Avatar
    Pulkit
    Pulkit is offline eTI Aluminium
    Quote Originally Posted by Kumail Rizvi View Post
    OP is I think opening poster or the person who started the topic or asked the question. I don't know what is ONUS here.
    Don't know ..pata nahi. Its a bouncer for me....mere dimag ke oopar se nikal gya sab.
    All The Best !!!
    Take Care !!!


  15. #14
    quizas
    quizas is offline Just in!
    Quote Originally Posted by Kumail Rizvi View Post
    OP is I think opening poster or the person who started the topic or asked the question. I don't know what is ONUS here.
    Yes, Kumail, you're pretty much right as far as OP is concerned. OP is used for the "Original Poster". Thanks a bunch for responding to the above query, the person perhaps has problems with understanding plain english. Regards, Q.

    Quote Originally Posted by Pulkit View Post
    Don't know ..pata nahi. Its a bouncer for me....mere dimag ke oopar se nikal gya sab.
    I can understand! Perhaps, why you couldn't respond to my post! Nevertheless, to make things easier for you, OP is the Original poster, to make it all the more simpler for you, OP is the person who initiated this particular discussion or raised this particular query! I hope, this is clear and am not complicating things further for you.

    And ONUS, well Onus means a burden, an obligation or responsibility, often something not very easy.

    Plain English, you see! Nevertheless, thank you for reading through my post and at least bothering to understand a few words here and there.

    Sincere Regards,
    Quizas

  16. #15
    kkamalesh
    kkamalesh is offline Just in!

    I didn't breakup - She did

    Quote Originally Posted by quizas View Post
    @Pulkit

    First of all, why is it assumed that the ONUS to communicate or revive the communication was on the EX and not the OP, who initiated the break-up?

    We need to understand the fact, that the Ex-gf perhaps never attempted to make any contacts, since the OP was the first person to leave or break-up. He was the one to initiate the break-up and hence to move on, giving a clear signal to the ex, that it's over between them. The OP never left her a reason to keep in touch with him or even revive the communication. The ex perhaps was a very matured person, to even think in terms of having anything to do with a married man, even though he meant the world to her!

    Also, has the OP, ever apologised to the EX?!?! If not, what on earth is he thinking when he expects the JILTED EX to communicate, when he's clearly left her no reason? The Ex's already been hurt once, only a fool or a person with no self respect will stoop down to such a level!

    Pulkit, yes you have talked about how the OP needs to "be practical, be reasonable", and I am sure, the OP was given the same reasons like be practical, be reasonable, think of responsibilities towards your parents, family, society, whatsoever, etc when he was "coaxed" into leaving the love of his life and marrying a woman, he claims to have never loved and who eventually strayed!!! And now like we see, all of the reasonable and practical approach didn't help one bit! A lie, afterall is a lie! No matter what the reason / excuse, the OP's decision has boomranged! You see, karma catches up with everyone of us, even before we realise it!

    Also, I believe, it's more important to be honest to oneself than to others! It only makes life easier and bearable, at least, we don't end up hurting others! Truth might be bitter but swallowable BUT lies only damage and that too irreversibly!

    @Kamalesh,

    Kamalesh, do you realise, in your penchant / "enthusiasm" (for lack of better word) to be the "ideal" MAN, you have made "convenient" choices in life which eventually ended up hurting endless people in a row?!?!

    15 years back, playing the IDEAL SON, you fell for the "be reasonable, be practical" bit, left someone you loved, went ahead to marry someone else, irrespective of what miseries the ex might have to endure!!

    What happens next is, you continue a marriage with a woman you never claimed to have loved for 15 long years and also have children with her. Irrespective of what the wife feels, but again, to the world you never cease to be the IDEAL PERFECT FAMILY MAN!!

    And now after coming to terms with your spouse's infidelity, you're very keen and restless to get back in touch with the EX you left behind. Why? Perhaps, now because you have a VERY STRONG excuse to tell the world, that it's not you who's strayed but your wife! Again, to the world, you're the ideal man, who got the raw deal!

    I mean, what?!?! One after the other, you do whatever seems convenient to you, whatever seems in sync with your "Perfect" MAN identity only to create more problems for people who don't deserve it in the first place!

    If you really think, that you and everyone else around you deserves a second chance to life and to love, then first of all, please come out clean!

    You have already lived a LIE for years together, and put two women and also your children in situations they perhaps never deserved to be in the first place. The fact that your wife tried finding love or whatever missing element in her life, out of your marriage, implies the fact, that she has not failed to notice the lie you continued living with her!

    The fact is, if you and your wife are not happy together, then please set each other free of this fake relationship, which is only promoting promiscuity. Irrespective of the fact, that whether your ex wants to get back with you or not, first of all you need to sort out the mess at your end. Forget the ex, for a moment, it's time, you resolve the unfortunate situations you have created. Even if it means, mutual divorce. A healthy separation is way better then breeding hatred by living together under the same roof. Who knows, perhaps, even your wife feels smothered in her marriage with you?!?!

    And if that's the case, then please set her free! Also, have you ever apologised to the woman you claimed to have loved? Please do that, she at least deserves that out of you! You could never give affection to these women, at least try and restore the faith / respect they had for you!

    As for the children, please don't use them as an excuse to continue doing what you had done 15 years back! OUr children are way smart and way understanding than what we often think of them. If you wife's noticed things, then am sure your children are wise enough to understand things as well. The best thing is to speak to your wife in complete honesty, I am more than sure, she's a lot to share as well. And last but not the least, please for once speak your mind, and be the person you really are! Stop being fake and stop being someone else to please others! I don't need to tell you, it's not helping anybody!
    Hey Quizas,
    I think you have accused me without knowing exactly how I broke up with my gf. She broke up and not me. I was ready to do anything to marry her, but she wanted my parents to accept us before we could get married. Also, I did convince my dad to talk to her dad. Things were looking a bit fine, but then my sister wrote a nasty letter to my gf accusing her of she being in love only because I was in USA and she being after money and she is a bitch etc. My gf and her family pretty much stopped everything after this. She didn't even talk to me after that and I was left stranded in pain. But, I know the pain and difficulties she would have gone through. I should have left everything here in USA and gone for her to India, but I didn't, but my gf should not have taken a decision like that just based on a letter from my sister. What do you think?

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