hi,

am from a middle class family and 26 years of age. have a sister whos married and has a daughter, 5 years of age. my mom of 54 years of age, is so hard working and still she does business to save something for me and my sister though shes not well and suffering from back pain since more than 15 years. she has been working hard since her childhood, after the marriage and still she does it for my family. she has even paid huge amount of money several times that my father had borrowed.

my father (i even hate to call him as such and i stopped calling him since last 6 months when things has gone worse and all our doubts on his behavior seemed to have come reality) of 56 years of age and has an affair at his office with a 29 year old unmarried girl. his conduct, behaviors, talking and even his sight makes me irritating and i get so annoyed on him for whatever he is as of now.
he cheats on my mom and all of us. it seems he has been doing it since i was in school at different instances but at that point of time we were not aware of all these things about him.
the worst part of all is that he talks trash to my mom which am not able to bear and shes so upset of it. he blames her for all this and he says his life has gone waste by marrying my mom. he keeps saying about my mom's back pain that shes not capable of anything. the fact of the matter is that he is the one whos incapable of anything and i perceive him as a garbage of all his behaviors. i have never ever expected that he would turn such a worthless animal.
he denies to show us the bill of his salary. we doubt that he would have borrowed huge amount of money (though its not necessary at all to borrow such a huge amount of money) again for no reason at all. he tries to make each and every normal talk what my mom or me starts into a fight and puts the blame on her.
he does not talk well to me either and hes not even have a heart to look at our face and talk because of his behaviors as i think he knows that hes doing wrong things and embarrassed of himself.

me, my sister and mom are so confused of the situation. i am miles away from my mom because of my work. my mom has decided that its better to get the divorce than living with him by seeing and hearing whatever he takes trash each and every moment. i do feel the same that the divorce will end this mess for my mom and all of us. i feel like hes no more and not even a human being.

i am shattered of all of these and not able to concentrate on my work being a software engineer. i feel disgusted when i think about him.

please share your thoughts as how to proceed to end this disgusting, messed up thing.

note: am an indian and here "being together family is an important and emotional part of the life"

Hello rockybalboa,

The only possible solution to this is a divorce and if not divorce,then, a legal separation. things have really messed up alot and if he is continuing with his extra marital affair since you were in school and never thought of giving it up, never considered it wrong, never thought about his wife and family, then obviously its cristal clear either he will not be able to change himself now or perhaps he needs a lesson to realize the value of your mom and his marriage.

Its time when you need to be really strong to support your mom in taking this decision. Its actually the need of the hour. I could have adviced you to talk to your father on his extra marital affairs but if you are so sure about his extra marital relationships that they are continuing since you were in school, then there is no point in talking to him on this. If he would have had considered them wrong, he should have had done that long ago. But if everything seems fair to him then there is no point in talking to him on this.

So, trust me, divorce or may be a legal seperation is what I suggest you to go with. Free your mom as she is not liable to hear anything and everything being shot on her, without any valid reason.

Well, divorce will be a lesson for you him, its clear case of adultery and you can ask for compensation along with your part in his property.

He is clearly finding reason to make distance from your mother and to support his own decision of adultery. What about the 29 yr girl / woman he is engaged with, is she his junior (ie. is it boss / employee affair )?

Do you have any thought from her on this issue ?