Going through depression as my love back stabbed me

Well i was in liv-in with one gal for 3 years, we were thinking of marriage, but her parents were not ready. So we decided to that I will search gal for my self since my family was forcing me for marriage. but she did not let me search a gal nor she allowed me to talk to any gals for 3 years. she continue staying with me. She cut her hand when i went to see one gal. so I thought she will never leave me n will go against her parents one day.

now last week, we got up as usual, had tea and bf, when i went to office i saw some of her relatives sending messges saying congrats on facebook. I called her and asked whats going on. then she told me she met one guy 4 days back which her parents have selected for her and she said yes to him. and she will be going home in the evening because that guys parents are coming to see her house. Well I was pissed but i thought she is just bluffing.. but later i felt seriousness in her voice so i askd her to come back home imm to talk to me.

After comming home she started crying and started saying sorry and all. she told me her parents forced her for the marriage. I was soo angry i messed that guy asking him to talk to my gf coz its forced on her. but later my gf blackmailed me saying if this rista breaks she will die. she made me send another message to that guy taking all blame on myself. so i messaged that guy saying it was one sided and when i got to know the news i just reacted.

Now she goes home, telling me engagement might be fixed after 3 days. next day she wont pickup ma call nor reply to my message. but in the night she messaged me saying engagement is done.

I was shocked, I asked her why she din tell me when she met that guy. why she did not consult me before saying yes to that guy. well she had no answer she just said she liked the guy.. well that guy is smarter and richer than me. but what about the love i gave her for three years. when i wanted to move on she din let me talk to any one. till last day she was staying with me.

I am not able to digest this back stabbing.. going through depression. now if i call her, her family is asking some local goons to talk to me and scare me.. infact her mom was aware of our liv-in, now she is requesting me to keep quit.

I am filled with anger, wanted to take revenge but cudnt do anything coz i still dont hate her but now i do not loved her.

I am going through worst phase of my life

Hello pfool,

Well the only thing that comes to my mind right now is to ask you to forget, forgive and leave. She is engaged, you cannot do anything so leave it and move on. Yes, admit it that you did a mistake earlier by getting into a live -in relationship with her, yes you did a mistake of staying with her when you had an opportunity to move on. Ultimately what happened is in front of your eyes. Perhaps, you were wrong initially when you entered this live-in relationship with this girl who cannot offer you a complete permanent commitment. So, dont worry dear, everything happens for a good cause.... a good reason. Perhaps she wasnt meant for you and hence things ended abruptly.

Now, leave her and move on. This relationship was meant to end as there was no meaning attached to it, as far as I can see. Initially, you tried to move on and now she did it. So, all well that ends well. Forget her move on and enjoy her life. She is a kind of a girl who won't be able to get into a permanent relationship with that new guy in her life too. So, don't worry, stay cool and cheers.

Hey you!

I really think she did love you but she probably didn't want to hurt her parents either.
She was selfish to not let you move on earlier but hey, it might be cause she couldn't see you with someone else till she herself moved on.
I'm wondering how come her parents were cool with her, living together with you but they didn't want her to marry you?

Nazneen, Yes her mom was aware of it, Just before her engagmnet i gifted her lot of things and askd her what her mom has to say about them.. Infact the say she left for engmnt from here she was normal. when i asked her mom about why she din stop us on the 1st day why shez doing it now. She said her daughter was using me, Not only this but she said lot many bad things which I dont think my GF wud have ever said. But its been 23 days i am recovering and accepting that shez gone. But yesterdy I met her to give her stuffs back passport and all coz she needs them to travel with new guy. She was looking very strong with her thoughts, I hve never seen her like this before. infact she doesnt even remember what all she did to me. She had cut her hand recently when i went to see on gal, She never allowed me talk to any gal which my parents had selected for me.
initially i strted asking why she did it but after asking this ?tion i realised there is no point in talking to her about all this.. I just told her she can convince me and others that wat ever she did was right, but she ll never able to convience herself. then i gave her stuffs and came back, when i was comming back she called me from her new number, i picked up the call after knowing thats her i disconnected.

But after comming home, I I sent her a big mail, asking her to take care of herself n whatever hpned i am not fine with it n i ll try to move on. thats it...

hello Pulkit,

Well around one year back i realize this relation is not going anywhere, so i askd her to move out of my house, but she use to go to PG for copl of days after that again she ll come back. when would refuse to open a door she would sit outside whole night. But you are right It was my mistake, I should have ended it but I cudnt do it coz more she tried more it made me feel like she can not leave witout me and one day she will fight with reset of the world for me. i treated her like mentally retarded person, use to cook for her getting up early morning coz she would not get good food in the office. She never ever took care of my house, but i ignored all this din see how she was using me. well she belong to rich family its not about money she used me, she just used me as emotional support. this is good learning for me. Now I am feeling guilty for messaging that guy coz i should not have done that, I just lost my control and i was not prepared for it. When i met her yesterdy 1st thing she said was i should not have messaged that guy , shez going though lots of problems. I din say sorry n all, I said she is the best person to understand why i messaged and in future if anything happens because of my message I will take a blame on myself n she can count on me. She said okay.

I dont hate her but dont love her any more. Just filled with anger which i cant take it out on her. Just thinking about my life now. m almost 32 and wsted 3 yrs on her, now ma parents are worried and want me to marry .. well m not ready for it. I wana be honest with the gal whom i ll marry , i would tell her every thing, but I am not ready to jump into other relation. will take some time. But things are much better now than before. i do think 24x7 about what happned, this will also go soon.

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I am not able to digest this back stabbing.. going through depression. now if i call her, her family is asking some local goons to talk to me and scare me.. infact her mom was aware of our liv-in, now she is requesting me to keep quit.

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Remember that depression is swallowed anger -my own advice is to talk it out -let the anger and negative feelings out

yes you are right, Even I thought like that, I tried to talk to her, But she keep avoiding me and more i tried more i lost respect in my own eye.
So i discussed with myself.( sounds stupid na) , yeah i know I was not wrong, just learn to live with it.

Just now her sister called and told me shez loosing weight because she is scared of me, (actually shez scared of truth) .. they all are worried that I will tell someone about my 3 years liv-in. Well Some times i get angry feels lika spoiling her life but I am not gonna act upon those feelings.

I just asked her sister to make her get married soon. my empty brain thinks like some hindi movie she ll come back hahaha. cant help. but chances are there 0% :). Yes 0 is number :).

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Originally Posted by pfool

hello Pulkit,

Well around one year back i realize this relation is not going anywhere, so i askd her to move out of my house, but she use to go to PG for copl of days after that again she ll come back. when would refuse to open a door she would sit outside whole night. But you are right It was my mistake, I should have ended it but I cudnt do it coz more she tried more it made me feel like she can not leave witout me and one day she will fight with reset of the world for me. i treated her like mentally retarded person, use to cook for her getting up early morning coz she would not get good food in the office. She never ever took care of my house, but i ignored all this din see how she was using me. well she belong to rich family its not about money she used me, she just used me as emotional support. this is good learning for me. Now I am feeling guilty for messaging that guy coz i should not have done that, I just lost my control and i was not prepared for it. When i met her yesterdy 1st thing she said was i should not have messaged that guy , shez going though lots of problems. I din say sorry n all, I said she is the best person to understand why i messaged and in future if anything happens because of my message I will take a blame on myself n she can count on me. She said okay.

I dont hate her but dont love her any more. Just filled with anger which i cant take it out on her. Just thinking about my life now. m almost 32 and wsted 3 yrs on her, now ma parents are worried and want me to marry .. well m not ready for it. I wana be honest with the gal whom i ll marry , i would tell her every thing, but I am not ready to jump into other relation. will take some time. But things are much better now than before. i do think 24x7 about what happned, this will also go soon.

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Hi pfool,

good that you are trying to move on by accepting things that happened with you. It was a bad phase of your life, which just passed and will now return back. Moreover, it taught you many things. But remember this is NOT the end and your real life begins from now. Up till now, you were living for her... did everything for her which was answered by her in the way you very well know.

So, next time when you get into a relationship, think for holding it permanently. Live your life with a girl who can commit to you forever and always remember, change for good if required but don't change yourself for someone else. If he/she loves you truly, he/she will accept you as you are.

Enjoy your life !!!!

I agree with Pulkit.
Just take it as a phase of your life. Sometimes, it's just better to let of things instead of trying to fix the broken pieces together. Don't let the anger get to you. It will only serve to cause u more pain. Divert your mind to something else; something you like to do. Hang out with friends, family? & perhaps forgive her slowly.
I don't think you made any mistakes though. You gave your relationship all you could, fought for it. There is nothing wrong in that. If I were you, I wouldn't see it as a mistake. I would, in fact, be proud of myself for being such a good lover. At least there wouldn't be any "what ifs" in your life in future cause you've already given your best shot to make things work between you two.

I'm sure you'll find love again. Just don't give up on it but don't be careless with your heart. No matter how long it takes, things will get better. Keep believeing in yourself! :)

Hi Dear Friend
love failures are common in these days. so don't take it seriously and start to think from now onwards that someone is waiting for you who love you in heart and who is more beautiful and think that god broke this relationship only because he wanted to save you from a bad person. that's it.

have a nice day

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Originally Posted by Goan

Remember that depression is swallowed anger -my own advice is to talk it out -let the anger and negative feelings out

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Yes better to swallow, If i take it out on her, It might convert into guilt which I do not want to carry for rest of my life. Well you can say am stupied as all my fdns say she took advantage of kindness. Cant help!!!

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Originally Posted by Nazneen

I agree with Pulkit.
I don't think you made any mistakes though. You gave your relationship all you could, fought for it. There is nothing wrong in that. If I were you, I wouldn't see it as a mistake. I would, in fact, be proud of myself for being such a good lover. At least there wouldn't be any "what ifs" in your life in future cause you've already given your best shot to make things work between you two.

I'm sure you'll find love again. Just don't give up on it but don't be careless with your heart. No matter how long it takes, things will get better. Keep believeing in yourself! :)

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thnks man!! your comments are helping a lot. I dont have any "ifs" left. Feeling much better coz my mind is really clear now.

Very good to see that you feel good now. Let us know what your doing now..

Well actually feels good if some1 asks, I have stopped discussing about her with my friends, But I miss her very very badly. No matter how badly she has treated me but I miss her, I know what ever she has done is wrong, but my heart is denying to accept it, Sometimes i feels she ll come back but i know these feeling will also go after sometime. Chances of she comming back is zero but zero is a number and at least we indian should believe in that :)... well i know its funny but i do think she ll come back.

Still not able to sleep properly, I get angry at her when i think about the way she fooled me. As i said earlier, no "what ifs" are remaining so i can control ma feelings, I dont believe in God so sometimes thought comes to mind to punish her by myself, but m not gonna act upon them.


Well feels pity on guy whom she is marring, Coz that guy is seems be innocent, He has achieved most of the things in his life. feels like I should not get life partner like him. She made him believe that i was running behind her.. and it was like some movie.. she has taken care of all the things. some of her office fdn who use to come to our place for dinner on weekends, she has removed all of them from her facebook .. infact her manager also was in ma fb coz i met him once, she removed him also.. she has just made sure that there wont be any common friend in facebook. other day she conveyed me a message through her sister saying not to send any mail to her as her rich hubby has all of her password. now am like stupied playing her mobile bills which she used for making ISD calls to him. she was using my office sim card :(. thinking of sending her the bill and asking her to pay by herself.. but dont know if i really wanna do that.


Well lot of bad things about her. But i still miss her a lot, Dont know if she ever comes back how I will react ;). I know somewhere i want her back just to get ma ego above the ground. thr is no love left..

Guys what you think, will she ever miss me? coz its not 1 or 2 days.. its bloody damn 3 years we stayed together.. we were quite happy. only her mom was not ready for the marriage, I have seen her trying hard to convince her mom.. Is it that easy for gals to forget a guy. only i have good memories about her in these three years, Only last one week was shocker. something must have terribly gone wrong with my stars..

I am yet to accept it completely.. once her marriage is done, I guess ma love/hope will take last breath.

Still not able to talk to other gals. Tried to hookup with some gals from my gym as well. But i am not ready for it. Will take some time..
This phase is worst than all phases before.. I am not ready to accept it nor ready to let some1 else take her place..

friends, Just got a call from her sis, Well to be honest I still miss her n all but its not like before.. I do visit thts guys linked in profile. dont know why.. but i do. now her sister calls me n says i should not b visiting his profile it seems and if some1 asks i should be telling that i dont know anything about my GF.

Well u really need to click cpl of links to see who actually visited your profiles on linked in. If that guy is soo cleaver then why that fool din trust me when i sent him the chat log of last day where my Gf explains how its forced on her and how her mom is committing suicide. Well I sent these message in the beginning when i was under impression that its forced on her.

I got very pissed n I sent a big mail to my GF, counting what all things she has made me go through. coz after break up i din get a chance to take out my anger on her. now after me sending a mail, this Kabutar(her sister) calls me again to tell not to send her mail coz its under scanner..and her would has all the passwords.

and I have decided to stop visiting his linkedin profile as well. Coz if this marriage breaks I ll not be able to forgive my self. How can she be soo spine less.