HELP!! how to convince parents- or shd i run away- or leave everything
hi
plzz help me.
i dnt understand how do i convince my parents.,
i am a doctor. working in a pvt clinic. and the guy i love is a property dealer and runs a finance office. earlier he used to study a lot for the civil sevices exam bt could not succeed. since he didn't had any other option. so he started this work.
now my parents r against love marriages firstly, nd secondly they'l never allow me to get married to him particularly.
i told my mother abt him. she says that "if u want to destroy ur life, then go ahead."
the problems that parents have are that he's less educated (he's done graduation. bt BA), he lives in a village, the work he's doing is not considered good in society.
my mother said that "even if we allow u to marry him he cannot keep u happy cuz u will not b able to adjust in his environment'' . even i think that may be i wl not b able to adjust in his environment. bt i knw that we will be happy together
my parents r not at all in favour of this marriage. they want me to leave everything.
wht do i do. shd we run away??
i am nt able to see my parents in such distress. lastly i think to leave everything , i'm too tensed.
wht shd i do?
Some more answers needed and some submissions pf mine
I understand the situation and it is a very typical one also common in movies.Your concerns are very genuine and it is the most difficult situation to have.But the answer is to accept it and be prepared for everything.Make your heart of steel as tenacity is the first thing you need.As the whole situation is caused by circumstances and fate,what can propel you to take the best decision is to shun all fears and only think with reasoning and clarity.It is clear that he is an intelligent man but just could not pass civil services.BA is literate and if he is kind to you and to others,he is really literate.True,property is a grey business but legal biz and can be pursued to change.
I can't agree with your parents point against love marriage.Who is the reason who make us suddenly love each other-God.By definition,always against God,thereby.Very simple.I think he is not apparently that polite as education affects these mannerisms making parents more against him.But I am sure he loves you.The point is how much he loves you and is there any room for doubt.Can he give his life on one demand of yours.That is the MOST IMPORTANT ques.What is the max seen to suggest he will live for you not for himself.
Finally consider this.If you are not happy marrying someone else,who will lose.You,meaning of marriage,bad for anybody else,your lover and future generations.Environment is not an issue,husband is.And these can change for many reasons.But love will not die in the heart after marriage and pain will live in the heart forever.Just make sure he will never hurt you,will never touch you without consent,20 yrs after marriage etc.You need to know him more than himself.If that is the case,you have to run away,no option.Have a court marriage.As for parents,if your understanding that he will consider his life less than your smile proves correct,you will be as happy as possible.Now if they love you as I am sure they do,they will be happy obviously and if they were not interested in their child but society fear,there is no moral point in considering their apparently emotional ques.What if they marry you to a same caste millionaire with full confidence and later find that not only you are unhappy but is not good towards you etc.Nobody has ISI mark.
Marriage is between adults by definition and not to be forced by parents.Question of life.Just marrying because parents say will be insulting this pious relation,common sense.And if you don't marry your lover and surrender to parents,will you tell parent's choice that you used to love someone emotionally and all that shared above.If not that will be the biggest crime to many including God.And if he comes to know all about him after marriage,consider the disaster.
Only if you are not sure he will be the most loving husband,you should do arranged marriage.Plz tell him ALL about him and you and if he like Naseeruddin Shah of Woh 7 din,you will have to marry Shah.Parents have their opinion but that may or may not be correct.If you are sure about him and love both,go ahead as you know what they are saying and the rationale but they CANNOT understand the love in your heart and about what is in his heart.
Just check from independent sources as property dealers are generally not rated highly.Consult your friends.Understand what friends mean.Don't blindly follow them.
These are some of what I wanted to say and if you can disclose more about him like his intentions from day one,his suggestion if ur parents didn't agree.Need so much database about him and how can you say that he will do anything for you,I will describe the situation and follow up action with all the reasoning and honesty.
Everything will be fine.
Thanks for more light.Things are not as bad as you think.Patience can do wonders
1-The reasoning why your friend and well-wishers say that.Just from hearing or some particular reason(s).Although that SHOULD NOT be weightage worthy in decision making but very serious matter if everybody is skeptical.Why they say will decide and plz share it,it can only help.
2-There is hardly any room for anything good to happen but the marriage with him as you love him and most importantly convinced he loves you too.The fact that he thinks for your parents says it all.Whether this year or after 0-4 yrs as probably wished by parents.
3-Is there any thought or guilt that you or your guy has done anything improper,immoral or wrong.If yes,today throw it in the Arabian sea.You both are great human beings.Invaluable gem.I will convince you.The only villain here is bad patch which nobody can do anything about.At the most predict through occult but 1 in 100 is a perfect one.More than that it looks a test for both as difficult situation and you both have to pass it with distinction.
4.There are too much contradictions in your life Miss and try to focus.I am shocked and deeply pained that your so loving lover fights with you every 3-4 days.In all bad ways minus the immoral one.What is your fault.Tell me one.If not and he very well knows what you are going through and fighting CANNOT lead to any good thing.About situation,he cannot do but who is forcing him to have a single shout on you.Plz ask what is your crime and how this benefits both.How can you concentrate and decide the best decision for ALL.1 and 1 is 11.If you meet 30 min daily,only discuss what will life be after marriage,how much you care,or just look in each other eyes.If the dream is pure,God WILL be inclined to hear that and will NOT be impressed on any fighting and any tear,anger,hurting etc.His temper is the only issue that bothers as this is not the right time.Not the emotions he has towards you.This unintentionally attacks the love in his heart and love is the most powerful feeling on the planet.It is known that Love is God.Complicated but try to understand.
5.Better that you have time.Parents want 2-4 years and what is the hurry.Lovers wait till eternity.Till that sort out all differences so that no acrimony can take place ever come what may.
6.Make your affection more visible to very loving parents so that they understand that whatever they have done for you will be more than reduced to nothing if they try to force on you.On the other hand,if they are convinced you have chosen the right partner,sacrificing their opinion and respecting your emotions will take them to a very high moral ground and happiness they never had till then.IT IS 100% possible.Why they think he will never keep you happy and away from all troubles.
7.Just try some,nothing to loose.When in distress,always try to be more composed.That is always possible.
If you can throw more light as asked above,it will be better to understand the faults and the remedies.I wish everything will be good but in the meantime,you both have to pass every test which I can say is right not happening logically and emotionally.