I have ruined my life. wht do i do? is this such a big mistake?

i used to believe in love bt everything is over now.
i'v had 3 relationships till now.
the first one lasted fr one year. bt the guy was caught cheating, he had another affair.
then i thought i wud find a good guy. and the second one was a good guy..the relationship lasted olmost 3 years. bt then we started having fights.too many fights,, for months. and we mutually parted our ways.although we talk now but just as friends.sometimes i feel guilty fr all this.may be fights happen in every relationship. bt i cud nt stand it.
now at that point i had decided that i wont be in any relationship now.. bt after one year.. a guy came into my lyf saying that he wants to marry me. and not any affair.he ws too crazy fr me. after taking almost 5 months i said yes. but everything has ended now after one yr relationship. the person says now that he started all this to ruin my life intentionally. bt later he ws attached. but since i had previous relationships. he'l not marry me.

he also said that now my life is ruined and since i had a strong physical relationship with him, nobody will love me anymore.. and that i'm a dirty girl now. so nobody will marry me.

have i really ruined my life?? is it true that nobody will accept me anymore? shd i submitt myself to the almighty..

Hi priya, welcome to the eTI community. I am not very good in all this , we have people like Pulkit and Swapnil, those can guide you better but from your explanation, I think I should share few things with you..

First of all, your life is your OWN life, no one can ruin it, no one can effect , it will be always your own decision to decide your life. If there is something wrong in your life then it will be again your decision to how to handle it. Just because you had three unsuccessful relationship, it doesn't mean your life is over. May be its your nature that you need some sort of support from others which was later exploited by person who came in your life.

You know, red is color of Danger, Warning and Death but also read is color of love, attachment and emotions.. so it is completely your own perspective how you see things. If you see you have ruined your life then again its your perspective.. but I would say that you have actually learned lessons of life and it should have made you stronger, lot more mature and above all, should have given you now ability to distinguish between wrong and right more effectively.

This is not over, you have not mentioned why this person came in your life (the 3rd one) to harm you intentionally, but its nothing, its just a phase of life, forget , soon he will be past. Above all, love can happen again, atleast you were good from your side, the fault was from other person.

So my advice is that learn to love yourself, don't rely on other's perspective, other's view, rather make your own and see how beautiful this world is.. denial / acceptance are just part of life and you will see them even more in future but above all you have to understand to value your life. Your life is important to your parents, your loved ones and to yourself too. There are many successful people who had very bad start, many breakups but finally they fond MR. Right or Ms. Right and are living happy.

Just go ahead with life, I am sure you have lots of dreams and ambition .. full fill them, hopefully you will find Mr. Right soon.. who will love real you for what you are..

Good luck.

Well, Priya after reading your post what seems to hit me is that you are a definite fighter who will not easily give up on life's experiences you get and you have proved it by entering into even 3rd relationship after facing difficulties in first two this clearly shows that you have some guts to challenge your life and to win over all the circumstances you come across.
But after going through your title of the thread, what was going in my mind was, as Aarish said, Nobody can ruin your life, only you have the power to either make or break your life, people and situations are the only circumstances that occur in your life only because the way you have thought about them in your past, since you said, that you have been put down in 2 of your previous relationships and you began thinking and taking it all negatively and started to giveup on what you were to do, that is fight for your right to live happily with somebody, you started getting negative towards love and relationships, this is the only reason why you have faced another defeat in the course of life, just because of the thoughts you keep.
Remember one thing always, your life revolves around the thoughts you keep, if you have good and positive thoughts every day in and out in your mind, the universe will make all the people, circumstances and events come across you through your day that will make you ultimately happy beyond your expectations, similarly if you have a negative thought for a thing like Love or relationship, that means you are inviting more and more trouble for you in the similar path in which you are feeling negative about.
Well, to your fling part, I would like to tell you it needs such a courage to discuss this experience part of the life specially for a girl and trust me its now between you and this forum and your boyfriend who is trying to avoid you just because he has got attached to you, let him do whatever he wants, because by choosing a way to go far from you, he is seeming to get attached to you with a much faster rate than he would have expected and don't ever share this part with anyone else it should only be kept to you and only you because no tests or doctors in the world could tell anybody that you have had got physical with some guy in the past, its only you who could either reveal it or keep it a secret with your partner the choice is yours.
Don't worry, change the way you feel for LOVE and RELATIONSHIPS from negative to positive, I know it is difficult to do when you now have 3 experiences of same kind in life, but trust me once you start FEELING POSITIVE and take love and relationship part positively, you will attract everything that will lead you to a definite positive relationship which will last for long
IMPORTANT NOTE : Living Positively is your right and you should never compromise with this at any cost fight with your circumstances by changing the way you talk, feel, think and act about a particular thing and watch your words falling out to somebody for it, make sure they are always positive whenever you talk about it and talk all the positive things with confidence and happiness feel the positivity in positive things and attract more of it.
DON'T GIVE UP WITH YOUR LIFE FIGHT TILL YOU WIN IT DEAR....... :D

Hi Priya

Hope you are doing well.
You have not ruined your life at all. Just see you are lucky you didnt marry that guy otherwise it would have screwed your life. Yuo can start all over again Remember A BROKEN RELATIONSHIP IS ALWAYS BETTTER THAN A BROKEN MARRIAGE. Time will heal your wounds and ofcourse you can find a nice guy. You can't predict that you will not be loved or get true loved because you haven't met the rest opf the guys of this world.
And you are loyal in oyur relationship and not doing two or three timings like other chicks and that is your best attribute. SO darling you have best qualities a guy looks for in a girl and that is your loyalty so be happy with what you got.
And as for physical relationship tto be honest no body cares you can;t expect a girl crossing age like 21 or 22 to be a virgin. Mentality of Indian guys are changing so you be the way you are and just wait for right time,
You can even put a thought of marriage infront of your parents if you like may be this will help you finding a better personfor your life since your parents will also be invovled.
So don't screw your mind what has happen its past move forward because you have the right to be happy in your life which matters the most. Take care

Hi priya1,



Well, whats the Big Deal ??
Big Deal if you were in a relationship with 3 guys back to back in your life trying to proof your love for each one of them?
Big Deal if you trusted a person to a point that you got physically involved with him ?
Big Deal if you were wrong in your decisions one after the other ?

We here, face problems like yours almost daily where a girl like you takes the most wrongful move of her life by trusting an individual to a point of allowing him to use her. But the fact is, there is no mistake of yours and if a person thinks that you were wrong in all that has happened with you, I would call him an idiot.

Dear, understand one thing... nowhere it was your fault. You didn't ditch your first love, it was he who cheated on you. You didn't initiate any fights with your second love, it just happened. Things didn't work because even after putting all your hope and efforts into it, you couldn't save it. Anything if done beyond a certain limit will be damaging. Same happened with your second relationship. It wasn't your fault again for the third time when you gathered yourself, trying to love a person with all you had in your heart, trusting him to an extend of getting physically involved with him and then facing a set back. It was completely his fault.

But now if you are thinking of ending your life just because some 3 stupid, freaky idiots tried to play with your emotions and feelings, you are definitely doing wrong. Come on, your life is not dependent on anyone. Nobody has the right to come into your life, love you or hate you, play with your emotions, use you and leave you whenever he or she wants. Its never like that.

Your life is your own property. You decide how you want it to be and how you want to carry it. It will definitely be very hurting for you and I completely agree with that but you are still in a better position than you would have been if you would have married to anyone of them.

You had enough of love but its not complete. Don't run after it. Things like love will happen naturally. You shouldn't run after it or try to get in a relationship just because your other friends have boyfriends. Until and unless you are sure about your feelings, you should not say yes to anyone.

Anyways, try to forget what happened. When there is not your mistake, you needn't need to bother about it. You did your level best to love them with all you had, tried to make this relationship better than the previous but right now its time for you to stop running after love and surrendering yourself to anyone who comes in your life.

Its actually time when you should concentrate more on your life, yourself and make it a better place for you to be in. You can just do away with all the negative thoughts in you by giving sometime to yourself. Engage in everything that you like, your hobbies may be. Do whatever you couldn't do in all these years. Life has not come to an halt. There is still alot for you in store.

Love the people who were with you all this time. Gift your family members, your parents or siblings. Enough of gift giving to boyfriends. Try to love your parents, friends or siblings and try to bring a smile on their face, for they were the people who stayed with you and will stay with you forever. Engage in some social work. If your daily schedule allows you, try to join some NGOs who work for betterment of children and society. I don't know how much you will appreciate this idea but helping other will give you a joy which is way more than than what you have felt so far.

Also, since its not the end of life or your capability of loving people. Lead a normal life. Do whatever you feel like. Get married to a person who would genuinely love you after understand your past. There is absolutely no need to hide things from the one who is willing to marry you. Let him know about your ex-boyfriends and past relationships. Tell him that you are really sorry to him for what has happened with you in the past and that you will always be loyal with him.

Its not the end of life... there is a lot to come. Just because things didn't work out with few people doesn't mean life is finished. Mistakes are done by humans and you committed a mistake of loving some morons. That's it !!

i now understand that its not the end of life..
he wanted to ruin my life bcuz almost 5-6yrs back i rejected him..... bt now when everything seems to get better... the person says that initially he wanted to ruin my life bt eventually he fell in love with me.. although i dnt understand it.. bt its just like i dnt wanna regret later that it all happened bcuz of me..
now whenever he feels that we wont be together anymore .. he says that now he'l ruin all the other ppl's life.. like some of my old friends and my ex bf.. my friends bcuz they were the one who told him abt my past (this ws my mistake that i didn't tell him myself bcuz i knew he'l never accept it). bt now that he knows.. he doesn't want me to talk to anybody, not use internet.. now he wants me to live the way he wants.. he says that i'm a characterless girl.. so he wants me stay away frm everyone or else i'l again make some bf.. n he keep on giving me bad remarks whenever he's angry.. he says that he's doing me a grt favour by marrying me n i shd live the way he wants and then everything will be fine.
i dnt knw.. i used to feel that he loves me truly.. bt we've never been happy together.. he never trusted me although i didn't tok to anybody in this whole world till one year just to gain trust... bt now i cant remain the way it ws.. if i dnt tok to anyone.. i'l go mad...

even my parent's life is getting affected bcuz i'm not fine.. i dnt knw wht to do.. i'm in bit of depression i knw.. bt i wanna get over it...

he hates this boyfriend word.. and past relationship thing... and my life ws involved with it.. will he ever accept me normally..
shd i believe him... n do whtever he says.. will everything be fine one day??

or shd i leave everything?? n continue with my life in a new way??

one thing to say : continue with him because you love being humiliate and insulted by him no more comments!!!!!!!!

Sameeksha, you are not seeing other side of the coin,

He actually loves her a lot.. he loves her from long but because of the things happened in your life and they way he got to know about them, his one part is saying to leave you but other part is saying to stay with you. You know he is also suffering , he cares about you but on the hand he hates you.

There were series of things like you hid your past, he got know about it form others and above all it was not very good (nothing wrong though, you just had few failed relationships).

Now if you want to be with him then you have to tell that it was your past and you were not mature at that time and now you you accept those were mistakes, but now you have had your lessons of life and now you realize that who is good (he the current guy) for you. He has serious trust issue over you. For that you have to make him realize that you are changed. Tell him that now you can understand who is trying to take advantage and who is actually genuine.. just let me him know that you have learned from your mistakes and now you are no more hostile as was earlier.

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Originally Posted by priya1

i now understand that its not the end of life..
he wanted to ruin my life bcuz almost 5-6yrs back i rejected him..... bt now when everything seems to get better... the person says that initially he wanted to ruin my life bt eventually he fell in love with me.. although i dnt understand it.. bt its just like i dnt wanna regret later that it all happened bcuz of me..
now whenever he feels that we wont be together anymore .. he says that now he'l ruin all the other ppl's life.. like some of my old friends and my ex bf.. my friends bcuz they were the one who told him abt my past (this ws my mistake that i didn't tell him myself bcuz i knew he'l never accept it). bt now that he knows.. he doesn't want me to talk to anybody, not use internet.. now he wants me to live the way he wants.. he says that i'm a characterless girl.. so he wants me stay away frm everyone or else i'l again make some bf.. n he keep on giving me bad remarks whenever he's angry.. he says that he's doing me a grt favour by marrying me n i shd live the way he wants and then everything will be fine.
i dnt knw.. i used to feel that he loves me truly.. bt we've never been happy together.. he never trusted me although i didn't tok to anybody in this whole world till one year just to gain trust... bt now i cant remain the way it ws.. if i dnt tok to anyone.. i'l go mad...

even my parent's life is getting affected bcuz i'm not fine.. i dnt knw wht to do.. i'm in bit of depression i knw.. bt i wanna get over it...

he hates this boyfriend word.. and past relationship thing... and my life ws involved with it.. will he ever accept me normally..
shd i believe him... n do whtever he says.. will everything be fine one day??

or shd i leave everything?? n continue with my life in a new way??

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Hi priya1,

Well, I believe its your life and you should live it your way. Do everything that you want to, anything that pleases you. Your life is not dependent on anyone. No one has a right to exercise his control over your life. He is not your family, neither he is your guardian that he is ordering you to live according to his wishes. Moreover, you know he is misbehaving and trying to ruin your image, destroying your life ( you, yourself admit it ), which clearly shows he hardly loves you. Had he been in true love with you, he would have protected your secrets, would have had shown some respect to your rotten past....but clearly I cannot see any traces of love anywhere. He is trying to use you through every possible means he can.

Take my advice, leave him at once. There is no point in experimenting with yet another guy, running after love, hurting your emotions and feelings and complaining to God for all that has happened with you. Get out of all this. Understand mistakes are done by humans. You did a mistake in past to which you learnt a good lesson. Now, if you try to experiment with your life again, I suggest you will regret later.

I hope you value our words and act wisely.